ROH: WRATH OF THE RACKET
Montgomery County Fairgrounds
Dayton, OH
August 9th, 2003
ROH World Champion: Samoa Joe (Since 3/22/2002 - 5 Defenses)
ROH Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Amazing Red (Since 3/15/2003 - 3 Defenses)
Backstage, Cabana and Steel are standing by on a special camera being operated by Lucy. This is so they finally get screen time according to Ace. Punk is in Japan. They talk about their match tonight but Cabana loses focus because he wants to know more about this Field of Honor tournament. Steel surmises that it’s like the Field of Dreams so there will likely be dead wrestlers there. Brilliant. Cabana goes around the corner to find Convicted Sex Offender Rob Feinstein, but instead they find Homicide and J-Train throwing dice. Cabana asks the “broheim’s” if they’re playing jacks? They no sell it. Cabana asks if they know about the field of honor. Homicide says he isn’t sure he’s only focused on his match against Sabin tonight. Smokes says HE MUST BE A CLOWN, B. WHATCHU MEAN YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT THE FIELD OF HONOR? ONLY THE BEST OF THE BEST. OPEN THE GATES OF HELL. DEVILS SON IN LAW. AND ROH NEEDS TO BE WORRIED ABOUT THE SYNDICATE AND THEM BRINGING IN THE ROTTWEILERS. Cabana says he didn’t get any of that and Smokes starts to get testy, so Ace moves Cabana and Lucy along. Smokes then lets out a string of BBDDAAT BBDDAAT BBDDAAT’s which makes the Saints run for their lives.
It should be noted that while “Lucy” is holding the camera, we never see her, because she got signed by WWE and was getting ready to report to OVW. Interesting to note (I guess) I was at the RAW in Philly in spring 2003 where she managed Punk in a dark match, and I believe that was the appearance that got her signed. Not sure if she makes any more appearances but I know an angle happens on this show or the next.
Elsewhere, AJ & Red are standing by. They cut a very basic promo about their tag title reign and how it’s been spent mostly facing the Briscoes, but they got their last shot. They say they respected the Briscoes but they don’t respect their opponents tonight, the Prophecy. After the camera “cuts”, AJ asks Red if he’s sure his knee is okay and Red promises him it is. AJ says he feels responsible for his well being. SAT walk up and check on Red too, and he again swears he fine. He walks off and the SAT keep AJ behind briefly and ask him to keep an eye on their cousin.
For as awesome as he is in ring, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen someone less ready to be in front of a camera for a promo than Red was here. Good lord.
During the entrances for the next match, the house lights are on and this is one of the worst looking venues ROH has done yet. Luckily the lights go down and their newer set up flushes that out. But if they were here a year ago it honestly would’ve distracted me how shitty this venue looks.
Match #1: The SAT vs. Don Juan/Fast Eddie vs. Carnage Crew (Loc/Masada) vs. Special K (Deranged/Hydro) [Tag Scramble]
You take the TWA kids out of the hardcore atmosphere and they’re immediately in over their head. But the other three teams were able to hold up their end. SAT has the match won with the Spanish Fly off the top but then the TWA kids dive on them on the floor. Dixie trips Loc up, AND DERGANED HITS A HURICANRANA AND GRABS ONTO DIXIE'S ARMS FROM THE FLOOR TO STEAL IT! Fun finish.
**1/4
Post-match, the other three teams leave angrily. Special K party in the ring. But then resident piece of shit Jim Cornette shows up in the aisle way. He wants to go to the ring to cut a promo but upon getting there is told the mic is back by the entrance. Cornette scolds the stage hand for not having a longer cord. Pro and con here: the con is that the mic can’t get past the entry way. The pro is that, for the first time in the company’s existence, ROH HAS AUDIBLE SOUND COMING FROM THEIR ARENA AUDIO EQUIPMENT!
Anyway, Cornette plays the hits on his usual list of tired insults to make fun of Special K. He shits on their type of wrestling because he’s a dope. He said he’s brought a tag team with him tonight to “The Ring of Honor”…AND THE MIDNIGHT EXPRESS MUSIC STARTS PLAYING! FUCK YEAH COME ON SWEET STAN AND BEAUTIFUL BOBBY. I’LL EVEN TAKE LOVERBOY DENNIS! Special K bail through the crowd. But Cornette is annoyed because THAT isn’t the music he wanted played. He turns to yell at the audio guy, BUT OUT COME DUNN AND MARCOS!
Dunn and Marcos explain who they are and say with Cornette’s help they can rock tag team wrestling LIKE A HURRICANE! Cornette again reaches in to his decrepit, dusty old bag of 1980’s strip mall comic club jokes to insult Dunn & Marcos before having the REAL team he brought with him to Ohio come out and attack them…AND IT’S THE PROPHECY BAH GAWD. Daniels and Maff do a tremendous beatdown on Dunn and Marcos including hitting some Midnight Express classics at the behest of Cornette, and Cornette gets a few racket shots in so he can feel good about himself. Daniels gets on the mic and announces Cornette as the newest member of the Prophecy and their manager tonight. On commentary, Gabe says AJ & Red stand no chance if Cornette is managing the Prophecy. Shut up, you crotch goblin.
Backstage, BJ Whitmer breaks out a paint by numbers style promo to hype his world title match tonight.
Whoever Chet’s manager is, Brock Guffman or whatever, cuts a promo before the match to try and drum up interest in what is essentially a WWE developmental match that’s about to happen. I don’t think Nigel was signed, but Chet was and HWA was still a WWE developmental territory at this point. Chet was someone that was hilariously in developmental for something like 6-7 years, went from HWA to OVW to DSW to FCW, and just never was any good, and then got popped with a group of FCW guys for violating the wellness policy in 2008.
Match #2: Nigel McGuinness vs. Chet Jablonski [#1 Contender for HWA Heavyweight Title]
This isn’t good but it’s far from the worst thing ever. Just sort of a match where two dudes are going through the motions. Nigel has a ways to go before he’s where he gets in about 2ish years. Joblonski is bland. And what an awful name too. Chet Joblonski. Gross. Nigel wins with one of those old school Tim Horner tarantula style pins.
*1/2
FIELD OF HONOR IS COMING SOON EVEN THOUGH WE HAVEN’T TOLD ANYONE WHAT IT IS.
Match #3: Homicide vs. Chris Sabin
This wasn’t bad at all. Mostly was a showcase for Homicide but it let Sabin get a lot of his shit in and you can tell he’s developing well. He does some decent arm work on Cide that doesn’t really go anywhere. But they have a fun finishing run with some teases of the Cop Killa where Sabin keeps finding ways to avoid it, ultimately leading to Cide throwing a leg back to low blow Sabin out of sight of the ref, and then finally hitting the Cop Killa to win.
**1/2
Post match, on his way to the back, Homicide grabs the camera and says Corino is a pussy motherfucker and that’s a shoot.
Match #4: Second City Saints (Cabana/Steel) vs. Jimmy Jacobs/Alex Shelley
Another WCWSN style match where the newer guys get some shine but it’s mostly a showcase for the Saints. It’s a bit dull in the parts that don’t have Shelley and Jacobs doing neat stuff but it’s not awful. Colt and Ace don’t seem to have a ton of chemistry as a team, so this just sort of is what it is. The Saints get the win when they hit the Colt 46 on Shelley.
**
Match #5: Justin Credible vs. Matt Stryker
I mean whatever. Credible worked the role of a low card territory heel well. Did cheap bullshit, yelled at the crowd a lot, etc. He plays a lot of the bits he had from his ECW run except who cares? Nobody cared then they definitely don’t care now, even with Credible blading for this random throwaway match. Stryker gets to not only kick out of That’s Incredible, but he gets to kick out at one and that crowd liked that. Soon thereafter, Stryker gets the win with a Death Valley driver.
*3/4
Intermission time. Outside, GMC isn't here so Les Thatcher is filling in since he’s local. He interviews The Prophecy and Cornette. Daniels says every time ROH thinks they have the card stacked against them, he pulls out another Ace and that Ace is James E Cornette. Daniels says that they never forgot about the tag titles, and just how long did AJ and Red think they could parade THEIR belts around? Their title reign has been long enough, and it ends tonight! To suit that end, he got the greatest mind in tag team wrestling. Cornette says he's heard about ROH and how it's the big new thing. He says there will be no other tag team of importance then they're done. He tells Maff to get rid of Les so they can talk, and Maff yells at Les until he leaves, and Cornette says he has an idea and wants to talk about how the Midnights beat the RNRX for the belts back in the day.
Elsewhere, Cabana and Steel are with “Lucy” filming them. They find Sabin and mock him for being the man of the future. Cabana says if he’s the man of the future then tell him how many chicks he’s going to be with tonight? Sabin says he doesn’t know, probably none. Cabana asks if he knows about the Field of Honor. Sabin says he was invited, but he doesn't know about him. Cabana is mad and says they have to find Rob and talk.
Out in the lobby, the SAT and Red are signing autographs for the fans, AND THE PROPHECY ATTACK THEM! They throw the SAT out of the side doors and hold them shut and Daniels wears out Red’s bad knee with a chair. Cornette calls them off and they leave. The SAT get back in and AJ runs out to help Red to the back and eventually to the hospital.
Match #6: Michael Shane vs. Hotstuff Hernandez vs. Scoot Andrews vs. Slyk Wagner Brown [Four Corner Survival Match]
WHY?! Not only is this bad but it gets almost EIGHTEEN FUCKING MINUTES. Get out of here with this nonsense. Shane’s cooled off I don’t even know why he’s back. Hernandez can’t do solo stuff like this yet. Scoot stinks no clue why he’s back. And this Slyk Wagner Brown dude sucks something BAD. Just a rotten terrible match. This whole show has been trash. Shane hits an Implant DDT to win but who cares?
3/4*
It was announced by Gabe on commentary during that match that ROH officials are so angry with Daniels that as punishment, his #1 contenders trophy match next month will now be against his stablemate, the recently returned Xavier. Doesn’t seem like much of a punishment.
Match #7: Slim J vs. Jimmy Rave
Crowd is completely dead as that last match sucked all the air out of the room. I dunno if Gabe is solely responsible for booking these shows with RF still around, but whoever is should be thrown down a medium sized flight of steps. It’s very McMahonistic to constantly stick with or go back to guys that just kill the fucking crowd and aren’t any good, but because you like to pound off to them and what you THINK is “pure wrestling style”, you still stick with them regardless. It honestly shocks me that out of spite and based off his post dated commentary reactions to the two incidents that Gabe didn’t immediately book Konnan vs. Jeff Hardy to really stick it to the fans.
Oh that’s right, there’s a match! My bad. This was alright but it was heatless. Slim J had a fun moment where he couldn’t get one over on Rave, so he yelled “LOOK! HOOKERS!” and pointed off in the distance, which got the ref distracted and allowed him to low blow Rave. Then it just becomes a flippy, divey, head-droppy 2000’s indie match which isn’t without its charm. Rave gets his first ROH win with a crossface submission on Slim.
*3/4
Match #8: Samoa Joe (c) vs. BJ Whitmer [ROH World Championship]
This is Whitmer’s hometown so they’re planning on BJ being over. He’s also got a face injury and is wearing a protective mask. Naturally, that becomes Joe’s area of focus. I haven’t been too thrilled with Joe’s reign thus far. He isn’t given a ton of time in these defenses, and he’s also not getting the best opponents just yet. The ROH Title has felt like a midcard belt ever since Ki lost it and hopefully that changes soon. This was indeed better than I expected but not by much. Joe goes after the face and Whitmer eventually ditches the mask as it becomes an impairment but that leaves him open to brutal shots by Joe including his now standard running facewash on the floor. Joe does a huge beatdown and it’s kind of funny because BJ really has done nothing to get over in ROH, he’s not all that interesting or compelling to watch, and even with this being his hometown title shot and commentary screaming that his friends and family are here, apparently none of them care about BJ enough to give a damn when he’s getting beaten down. Or even when he makes his comeback for that matter. On said comeback, BJ does his All Japan tribute act but it’s not enough to put Joe away. Joe does the Dragon Suplex on BJ to end it but BJ survived it. So Joe then pulls out the Bridging Chimera Suplex to get the win and retain.
**3/4
Backstage, Cabana and Ace with “Lucy” filming continue to try and find convicted sex offender Rob Feinstein. In what may be one of the most unfortunate incidental bits in recent memory, Colt says “hey he probably knows where Feinstein is” and the camera pans to some like 10 year old kid. The kid says he hasn’t seen Feinstein yet and Colt seems to find that odd.
Anyway, Colt and Steel then run into Nigel. Nigel greets them, and Colt yells very loud and slow “DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE FIELD OF HONOR IS?” Nigel is confused so Colt assumes he doesn’t know English. Then they come across Dunn and Marcos. Colt yells NEEEEEERDS. Cabana then makes references to the Revenge of the Nerds movies. Man, how did we ever find this dude funny. Marcos says they better watch out, because they'll rock them like a hurricane. They throw up metal horns and Ace asks if they're Jerry Lynn's kids? Now see THAT was funny. Cabana says their hair and music sucks, they're geeks, and he needs to find out about the Field of Honor. The only field they know about is a uh, a force field around them, cause they SUCK and everyone says how much they SUCK and nobody wants to be around them, so there's like a force field around them. Everyone looks at him like he's an idiot so he yells SECOND CITY SAINTS RULE and leaves. Whatever.
Main event time. Cornette is out with the Prophecy. AJ comes out solo and is ready to fight alone, UNTIL HOMICIDE MAKES HIS WAY OUT TO TEAM WITH HIM SO HE CAN GET AT DAN MAFF!
Match #9: AJ Styles (c)/Homicide vs. The Prophecy (Daniels/Maff) [ROH Tag Team Championships]
Match of the night by default. This felt like such a fucking house show so I have no idea why they sold it as a show but whatever. Styles and Cide are super great at the fiery babyface stuff here. Daniels and Maff play their roles menacingly well. Cornette keeps looking shocked at some of the offense especially by the babyface team. The Prophecy continue to work MX offense but miss the Rocket Launcher at the end. Finish comes when AJ ducks a racket shot from Daniels and then hits the Styles Clash on him down onto the tennis racket for the win.
***
Post-match, Cornette offers handshakes to AJ and Homicide and blames the loss on Daniels. The face team leaves. Daniels & Maff confront Cornette and he yells back at them so they attack Cornette from behind to a face pop which is hilarious. Red then comes back out, no selling his own injury, to try and save with racket shots, but Maff chop blocks him. That was dumb. The crowd then chants for the SAT which is gross. Instead, SAMOA JOE RUNS OUT AND HE DRIVES DANIELS AND MAFF OUT! The Prophecy retreats and Joe helps Cornette up. Cornette sucks ROH’s dick some and Joe gets a standing ovation.
What a lame show. And the result of the main is pointless too since Red’s knee injury was worse than they thought so the tag belts ultimately are vacated in the next few weeks. But whatever.
Outside, Homicide and Julius Smokes are standing by. Homicide calls out Corino and tells him to stop ducking him and come back to Ring of Honor and fight him. Smokes chimes in telling Cide to ELEVATE YO HATE and tells Corino DON’T BE SCURRED LET THE GATES OF HELL OPEN ALL OVER THE ECW WAX MUSEUM.
Elsewhere, Samoa Joe congratulates BJ on a hard fought match tonight. He admires that he worked his way up, earned the shot and fought like a champ. But he’s not the champ. Samoa Joe is. Joe says that he'll sacrifice ANYTHING to keep this ROH belt. He says it’s funny, because every time someone steps in the ring with him to try and take the belt, they have to ask themselves what they're willing to sacrifice? Paul London, knowing he had to head to the WWE the very next week, was willing to sacrifice his career. And it wasn't enough. Dan Maff, a day after putting his father in the ground, he sacrificed his emotions to try and get this. It still wasn't enough. Homicide admittedly almost had it, and he risked his life and almost broke his neck. It still was not enough. Who's next to make that sacrifice? Matt Stryker? Colt Cabana? CM Punk? He's got Punk non-title next week, so they'll find out (YES!). Low Ki? He got away from him the first time, because he got paid to hurt him, not beat him. He has no idea what he'll do to beat him. Christopher Daniels? He took away his friends and wants what's his. Would he sacrifice The Prophecy for this belt? He'll take everyone out to get to Daniels. WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO SACRIFICE TO TAKE THIS? That's the question for ROH right now. BECAUSE HE IS SAMOA JOE. HE IS THE ROH WORLD CHAMPION. AND HE IS PRO WRESTLING.
We FINALLY get a pretape from Steve Corino! Corino says he didn't think people could get any lower in ROH. The last time he was there, they sent gang members over the rail at him, because they don't know who he is? Like his safety doesn't matter? They don't stop at that, because they have Homicide, who's a great athlete but you'd never know that. That name has no marketability, he's an idiot! He needs to live his gimmick and keep calling him out. He's beaten him, he has nothing left to prove. That's why he hasn't come back! He says that Homicide needs his heat back, so he brings his son into it? Can we get any lower? (When did this happen?) He doesn't mention the 15 kids Homicide has. So does Homicide want to elevate the feud or increase ticket sales? He doesn't need ROH. HE NEVER HAS, BUT HOMICIDE DOES. He needs people saying how great he is. ROH fans don't matter. ROH does NOT matter. Japan does. But you know what? Sure. He'll be there August 16th, and he'll fight him in Fairfield, CT. He'll beat him one final time. But then he's done. He makes more money in Japan, and doesn't have to work as hard, so he's done with ROH. Corino says Homicide is great, everyone's right, but three or four years from now, when he's nothing, NOBODY WILL CARE ABOUT HIM. So was it worth it? He wants Cide to answer that in a week when he embarrasses him, blows him up, and makes him submit. Then, they're done for good. Then Cide can call him and apologize like a man, and then maybe he can help get him out of ROH and make him a real star.
And finally, the Saints, with “Lucy” still filming, finally find Convicted Sex Offender Rob Feinstein. Cabana grills him about the Field of Honor, RF says it’s a tournament and confirms that Cabana is in it. Cabana says this is the best day in Chicago history. Cabana and Ace leave, but then suddenly, the camera drops and we hear a thud. A piece of paper is then dropped in front of the camera that says “RUST NEVER SLEEPS”. So someone has attacked Lucy and left behind a clue! Oh ok.
Waste of a show.
But the next show isn’t…
NEXT WEEK: DANIELS/XAVIER! LOW KI/MAFF! PUNK/JOE I! CORINO/HOMICIDE II! LET’S GO!
Hopefully next show pays off, because I gotta tell you, this is the coldest string of shows I've seen from ROH yet. Very disappointed with 2003 overall so far.
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