ROH: NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS - 3/22/2003

ROH: NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS

Murphy Rec Center
Philadelphia, PA
March 22nd, 2003

ROH Champion: Xavier (Since 9/21/2002 - 4 Defenses)
ROH Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Amazing Red (Since 3/15/2003 - 0 Defenses)

Show starts with a Corino pretape from Japan. He’s in the shower and we can only hear him. He says he’s 70,000 miles away and this is like a vacation to him. He tells Homicide he warned him not to mess with him. He also says he doesn’t care about him, Low Ki or the Prophecy. And if Daniels wants to cast the first stone, he dares him. I don’t know what the fuck the point of this was, and if I have to hear “cast the first stone” one more time I’m going to set my groin on fire.

Backstage, Special K party and do drugs. New member Mikey Whipwreck comes in and changes the music to hard rock and Special K doesn’t like that.

Elsewhere, the Prophecy cut another one of their typical promos, saying the same shit they’ve been saying for four months now. Why did the program with Corino start if it was just going to go into a fucking holding pattern for the first 90 days? I’m not even gonna recap it. Go read the previous review. It’s the same shit. Xavier hypes his defense against Joe. Daniels is defending the FWA Title against Doug Williams in a match that also has the #1 contd’rs trophy on the line and Daniels throws in a stip of allowing Doug to shake hands again if he wins. The camera “stops filming” and we see that the Prophecy are actually extremely nervous about their matches tonight.

Match #1: BJ Whitmer vs. Alex Arion vs. Dixie vs. Matt Stryker [Four Corner Survival]
One thing early ROH was good at was introducing people. This isn’t 2024, this is 2003 and it’s like why should I care about BJ or Stryker? You’re clearly getting behind them and pushing them but who are they? I dunno, I usually hate that argument but I feel like it holds merit here. Dixie is the sole bright spot here. Alex Arion is an actively bad wrestler and should be out of the business. BJ/Stryker were fine but they’re just bland Wrestling Guys. Whitmer catches Dixie on a high spot and hits him with the Wrist Clutch Exploder to get his first win in ROH.
*1/2

When the cameras come back, Mikey Whipwreck is dressed like a troubadour and trying to make peace with SAT and Quiet Storm, but it’s a set up for Special K to attack them, and we have an “impromptu scramble match”.

Match #2: The SAT & Quiet Storm vs. Special K (Dixie, Deranged & Angel Dust)
This was a spot fest but a pretty bad one. The SAT definitely had me fooled because headed into this project and even at the very beginning of it, I didn’t think they were bad. But it turns out they’re fucking terrible. So is Quiet Storm but also who cares? No idea where Divine disappeared to lately. On the Special K side of things, they cheat a bunch. Angel Dust botches a lot and brings the match down further. However in an ironic receipt, the SAT almost accidentally murder him on a botched double team Wheelbarrow Cutter. Picks up towards the end with Izzy & Deranged breaking through. Brian XL & Hydro distract the ref and Mikey hits his former students with Whippersnappers and Izzy covers to get the win.
*1/4

Post-match, Special K bring Slugga in to hit the BODYBAG on Quiet Storm. But then suddenly, another black gentleman in a suit, who’s like almost a foot taller than Slugga, comes through the crowd and gets in the ring to stare down Slugga. Special K pull Slugga away and they leave.

But off in the crowd as this is ending, the camera picks up from a distance Gabe coming from the back to talk to security and we see why: JULIUS SMOKES AND THEM HAVE ARRIVED! A big argument occurs, Smokes and the one security guard go face to face. The ref comes into the crowd to maintain order I guess. Gabe walks off. Not sure exactly what they were going for here as commentary didn’t address it at all.

Before the next match, commentary announces that the Backseat Boyz have signed with ROH and will be appearing here almost exclusively moving forward. Nice!

Match #3: Backseat Boyz vs. Dunn & Marcos
This was your typical “cocky heels don’t take comedy act seriously and it almost backfires” match but it was fun! Dunn & Marcos got to capitalize on the cockiness and get a few moves in and they played the comedy bits well. Backseat Boyz got to dominate and throw around the only team in ROH they probably physically could. T-Gimmick on Dunn down on top of Marcos and a double pin ends it.
**

Post-match, the Backseats cut a promo hyping up joining ROH full time and say they’re the best team in the world. The cameras follow them backstage where they run into Da Hit Squad who take umbrage with that and say they have to get through them.

Match #4: Christopher Daniels (c) vs. Doug Williams [FWA World Championship] [#1 Contd’rs Trophy]
Hopefully to the surprise of nobody, this ruled. Daniels was on his A-game maybe more than any other ROH match he’s had to date. He led Doug around with some early mind games and then sold like a million bucks when Doug got frustrated and just started throwing and dropping Daniels all around, really getting over the BRITWRES~ of it all. Doug gets a nice control segment early where he focuses everything he has on Daniels neck, and Daniels sells it incredibly well for the duration of the match. Every move he makes, every step he takes, Daniels is figuring out ways to incorporate the neck selling. So good. On the flip side, when Daniels regains control of the match and begins to work Williams over, his focus is drawn to Williams midsection. Doug’s selling or lack thereof left a lot to be desired I won’t lie. It wasn’t completely abandoned or sloppily overthought, it just either didn’t exist or when it did, it was kind of less than, if you will. Williams goes on a tear at the end, throwing every move in his arsenal at Daniels and focusing on the neck. And the strategy pays off as Doug wins with the Chaos Theory.
****

Williams will get his title shot on the 4/26 show. He won the belt and trophy, and has won back his right to observe the Code of Honor.

Post match, as Doug celebrates, he even reaches down and shakes a worn out Daniels hand just to add insult to injury.

Samoa Joe & CW Anderson make their way out with Simply Luscious. They immediately go over to the corner of the front row and start jawing at Julius Smokes who then proceeds to moon The Group, and it’s on! They start beating Smokes down and Smokes holds his own. The other thug is there too. Security goes to get involved, but just then also from the crowd, JACK VICTORY (HIGH SPOT!) AND GUILLOTINE LEGRAND SHOW UP AND ATTACK SMOKES AND THE OTHER GUY! They toss them over the guard rail and Victory hops over, and it’s 3 on 1 on Smokes. BUT THEN HOMICIDE & DHS RUN OUT, AND WE’VE GOT AN IMPROMPTU SIX MAN TAG.  

Match #5: Homicide & Da Hit Squad vs. The Group (Samoa Joe, CW Anderson & Jack Victory)
If you’re counting at home, that’s two of the first five matches tonight that are being billed as impromptu. Gabe mentions on commentary that Julius Smokes & Co, he believes, have been removed from the building. This was just six men fighting for like 6-7 minutes but it RULED. CW gets pin balled around by DHS, DHS/Joe is a fun fight, Cide/Joe is good again, Victory is a menace mostly on the floor. Eventually, DHS brawl with Joe and Victory to the back. CW/Homicide actually have a really fun singles segment where CW does some arm work including a gnarly over the shoulder arm breaker that Cide sells so good. Homicide fights back and sends CW out of the ring. Meanwhile, Becky Bayless has snuck back into the building and started fighting with Luscious at ringside but Luscious beats the fuck out of her. Cide pulls Luscious in the ring by the hair and toys with her a bit, BEFORE PLANTING HER WITH A COP KILLA! CW blindsided Homicide and Victory comes back out with a trash can. CW hits an incredible looking spinebuster on Homicide onto the trash can and the ref calls for the DQ.
***

Post-match, CW & Victory continue the beatdown on Homicide. BUT THEN THE BACKDOORS OF THE REC CENTER FLING OPEN AND JULIUS SMOKES SHOWS BACK UP WITH THREE OTHER DUDES! THEY STORM THE RING AND RUSH THE GROUP OUT OF IT! ONE DUDE HAS A FUCKING MACHETE AND HE PIERCES THE TRASH CAN LID WITH IT. JESUS CHRIST. Smokes has a lead pipe and starts simulating BUKKAKE on all the security trying to get them to leave the ring. Finally, Cide’s gang help Homicide up and take him through the crowd, and through one of the rear exits of the building.

Not AS hot as the NYC riot, but streets ahead of the Boston stuff. Was a great time to watch. Hell yeah. MORE REAL WEAPONS IN WRESTLING. SOMEONE BRING A GUN TO THE RING.

During intermission, GMC interviews Doug Williams backstage. Young Doug Williams speaks the peasants English. It’s off putting. He hypes up his world title shot on 4/26.

It’s set to be Carnage Crew vs. Christopher Street but Mace says Buff E cant wrestle tonight because his asshole hurts too much so he found a replacement AND IT’S HOTSTUFF HERNANDEZ.

Match #6: Carnage Crew vs. Mace & Hotstuff Hernandez
At least this makes sense because the Crew are feuding with the TWA b team as well as the CSC gang. This got seven minutes. I’m not sure it needed that. But whatever. Mace does his schtick which gets old quick. But this is a near star making performance for Hernandez. He beats the fuck out of the Crew who sell like death. He throws a great lariat, catches DeVito off the top and flips him up into a beautiful spiral bomb, and then whips out his AWESOME dive over the top rope:

But as Hernandez celebrates this a lil too much, the ref gets distracted by Loc and DeVito drops Hernandez down onto the fence railing and crushes it completely, and then he wraps a chair around Hernandez’s skull and it makes a nasty thud. With Hernandez out of commission now, the Crew do a quick beatdown on Mace and then put him away with the Super Spike Piledriver.
**

Post-match, the Crew keep the beatdown on Mace going. Buff E gets in and makes the save by kissing Loc and lariating DeVito. Hernandez gets back in to run the heels off too. Then Buff W gives Mace mouth to mouth.

Match #7: AJ Styles & Amazing Red (c) vs. The Briscoes [ROH Tag Team Championships]
Wow! Excuse the lame pun but this was PHENOMENAL. It felt like I was watching the blueprint for the entire modern industry being fully fleshed out in this match after being teased and developed over the last year. AJ in 2003 is just on a different level. He got “there” before any of his contemporaries. Like if WWE wasn’t a weird pile of shit company, AJ would’ve already been on Smackdown by this point on his way toward the main event scene. There is a legitimate argument he may even be a BITW candidate at this point but enough gushing. GREAT story here too. It’s the Briscoes first time tagging in ROH (and maybe ever? But I doubt that). And while they’re both really good, in kayfabe, they don’t have that chemistry developed just yet. They’re able to beat on Red simply because of the size differential but they’re literally no match for Styles when he’s in the ring. Additionally, because of Red/Jay tagging a few times, Red knows Jay’s most every step and it allows him to avoid really damaging shit from the Briscoes at pivotal points. AJ gets a hot tag and goes absolutely bonkers with a slough of offense. Red makes his comeback as the match breaks down into the finishing run. Legit had no idea til this moment that Red had long hair as he shakes it loose. Red stops Jay climbing up with a crazy kick and then A SUPER CODE RED:

On the other side, Mark finally shuts AJ down and goes up to the middle rope himself. BUT RED RUSHES OVER AND:

GOD YES. CHAMPS RETAIN.

There was some slight sloppiness earlier on in the match, and I think the overall story loses focus a bit here and there, but other than that, this is near perfect.
****1/4

Match #8: Low Ki vs. Jody Fleisch
Jody has definitely grown on me since his first ROH match. I guess that means that Jonny Storm just really fucking sucks because every match Fleisch has been in since then has been good to great. Ki is awesome as usual. They really make this feel like a big deal and the crowd takes the bait hook line and sinker. They work a similar style that the Ki/Red match was although not as insane, and thus, not as great. It’s also a bit too long. Could’ve trimmed a few mins out of the middle. The bulk of the match has some just really insane acrobatic type maneuvers. No real focus on working a body part or anything which is fine. I do like the little story they had where Ki beat the fuck out of all of the Special K guys a week ago, but this isn’t just some random Special K guy. And once he figures that out and has completed the feeling out process, it allows him to dominate. They have a battle on the very top rope standing AND ALMOST SLIP AND FALL, but Ki legit probably saves both their lives by rebalancing them both. Ki hits some shitty looking Kawada kicks on Jody on the top rope AND THEN HITS A SUPER KI KRUSHER:

Gabe drops a terrific line how Ki just saved Jody’s life when they were up top but then probably ended Jody’s career on the way down. Ki covers to get the win.
***1/4

Backstage, Special K revive Jody Fleisch with drugs and rejoins the rave.

Punk & Steel come out before the next match. Punk cuts basically the same promo he cut in Boston sans the “Raven’s not here” stuff. And it’s all great.

RAVEN COMES OUT THIS TIME TO “KEEP EM SEPARATED” FUCK YEAH. Hearing that on a shitty sound system in a shitty indie venue warmed my ECW-mutant heart. Raven cuts a promo with some shitty little gay jokes before egging Punk to make this tag match Raven’s rules again. Punk agrees to it because he’s already beaten Raven in his own match again. He then dresses down Colt saying he should be ashamed of himself for aligning with a man like Raven to fight his own trainer, Ace Steel. But we all know that Colt isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, Punk says. He also shares a bank account with his mother but we’ll get to that in about 19.5 years.

Match #9: CM Punk & Ace Steel vs. Raven & Colt Cabana
This wasn’t great. It wasn’t terrible but it wasn’t great. Felt like a lesser version of even a WWE style hardcore match from the same time period. Some fun spots like Raven re-doing the Riggs drop toe hold on Punk and Raven hitting a pretty decent suicide dive. But this match is really just here to set up the post match angle I suppose. We’ll get to that. Cabana goes to moonsault onto everyone from the top rope but when he lands he immediately grabs his knee and lets out this hilarious pre-pubescent, full throated scream. Back in the ring, it’s 2 on 1 on Raven. They see him up on a table and Punk goes to leg drop him through it but Raven moves and Punk lands hard. Raven fights off Steel and hits him with the Evenflow (I will never call it the Raven Effect) to get the win.
**1/4

Post-match, Raven calls for the mic. He goes over and shakes a KO’d Ace Steel’s hand and then demands Punk shake his hand. Gabe clarifies that this match was Raven’s Rules so there is no code of honor requirement. But Raven wants Punk to shake his hand since Raven shook his last week after he won. Punk flips Raven off and rolls to the floor. Raven says Punk needs to take what’s coming to him like a man. Punk refuses. So Raven lifts Steel back up and threatens to DDT him again. Punk still refuses, so Raven DDTs Steel again. Cabana is back up and limping in the ring while Raven keeps giving Punk a chance to come in, and when he doesn’t, he assaults Steel some more. Punk starts yelling at Colt from the floor that HE needs to do something, and asking HOW Cabana could let him do this. Complete gaslighting job, I love it. Cabana goes over to try and talk sense into Raven, and it creates an opening for Punk to run back in and Pearl Harbor Raven from behind. He beats him down viciously and Cabana looks conflicted. Punk yells at Colt some more, asking how he could let Raven do that to his trainer, and saying how he’s supposed to be Colt’s best friend. He even drops a “WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT CM PUNK?” And something snaps in Colt — AND HE JOINS IN ON THE BEATDOWN OF RAVEN! They bring a chair in and do a super stiff version of the Riggs drop toe hold spot and Raven rolls around in pain. Cabana grabs the mic and tells the crowd that Ace Steel was his trainer and CM Punk is his best friend, and Punk is right, Raven’s nothing but a has been. Punk & carry Steel to the back to a chorus of boos. Cabana being  completely gaslit meathead who’s easily emotionally manipulated is a nice touch to his character I honestly didn’t expect. Before I started this, I always just assumed Cabana was the “I know Punks an asshole but he’s my asshole” type where maybe their character disposition and alignment didn’t always match up, but they were still friends. Sort of like Sting & Lex in ‘95-‘96. Glad I was wrong.

Backstage, Homicide has re-entered the building apparently. He says at the next ROH show, there’s going to be a Bunkhouse Riot match. The entire Group is invited to bring whoever, because he’s bringing the streets with him, AND, he’s got a special guest — the king of the bunkhouse, THE AMERICAN DREAM DUSTY RHODES. He says that they’re going to whoop on the Group TEXAS style. The camera pulls back and we see that Julius Smokes is standing there too. MY FLESH MY FLESH MY BLOOD MY BLOOD. BBBDAAT. He says CW Anderson is a cornball and ain’t the real deal, his arms too short to box with God. They don’t want no beef. Low Ki walks up and asks Smokes what the hell he’s doing here. Smokes laughs him off and says Ki forgot where he came from. Homicide tells Ki that he’s been busy with his own thing and he respects that, but this issue he’s got with Corino is personal and he needed the streets to back him up. Ki angrily tells Smokes he remembers where he came from, but it doesn’t belong here in Ring of Honor. Homicide calms them both down and Ki tells Homicide to handle this. Smokes again clowns on Ki as he leaves.

Joe comes out for the main event selling the effects of the six man tag earlier. Xavier comes out and he’s got both Daniels and Allison Danger with him. They do the ring introductions and Gabe again brags about how “hated” Xavier is by the fans, the internet and the sheet writers, completely missing the point that it’s the wrong kind of hate he was looking for there, torpedoing this man’s career in the process.

Anyway, Joe offers a handshake to Xavier and Xavier teases it but then puts his hand down his pants and fondles himself. Very nasty. The camera cuts to Daniels and Danger watching on the floor — BUT MICHAEL SHANE ANS CW ANDERSON ARE BEHIND THEM! XAVIER POINTS IT OUT, AND SHANE SUPERKICKS DANIELS! THE FIRST STONE HAS BEEN CAST! CW punches Danger in the face and carries her to the back while Shane beats on Daniels to the back. Joe attacks Xavier in the ring and the match is on.

Match #10: Xavier (c) vs. Samoa Joe [ROH Championship]
Samoa Joe in long tights is really off putting. Anyway. Hell yeah. Joe sells the shoulder/neck, Xavier is selling the concussion from last week, so they’ve both got a weakness coming in. Joe strikes early but it’s actually Xavier that gets most of the offense in and has Joe reeling the more he works on that shoulder/neck, including a really good tope tornado DDT on the floor. Xavier gets a lot of near falls but can’t finish. Joe hulks up and starts no selling Xavier’s chops. Joe downs Xavier, hits those MASSIVE knees to the head and locks on the Choke and that’s it! Honestly this was the best possible ending to Xavier’s reign. Most of his matches were way too long and tried to make him something he simply wasn’t. I was ready to call the outrage over his reign off when this review first started because his stuff with Guido and Scoot wasn’t half bad. But then they have him change himself up completely and try to work as a top guy in a company that currently employs some of the best in the world, and it was never going to be even remotely believable or entertaining. I do *get* what Gabe was attempting with this reign. I think he just picked the absolute wrong guy to do it with. Hindsight is 20/20 and none of this matters now, but it probably would’ve been more effective with Daniels being the champ and running roughshod. But I also get, to an extent, why that didn’t happen. Regardless, we’re here. Samoa Joe is champ, the Reign has begun, and so has what many call the best run of ROH’s existence. To put it in mutant equivalence, ROH 2002 = ECW 1995. Samoa Joe winning the belt starts the same type of run ECW goes on once Raven wins the belt. And probably winds up being way more important, too.
**3/4

Post-match, big celebration for Joe. He sarcastically shakes the KO’d Xavier’s hand. He then even goes around the ring and slaps hands with the fans. The crowd then does the first (to my recollection) chant of JOE! JOE! JOE! JOE! JOE!

Backstage, Raven’s sat in a dark corner. He talks about how bad he wanted to hit Punk with the Evenflow. He needs that to happen. He did it to Steel a bunch but that didn’t make him feel anything. He figured Punk would grow balls and save his trainer, but no. Another sneak attack. And what really pisses him off is that he got one upped when Cabana turned on him. But that’s alright, he doesn’t mean taking a few shots in exchanging for getting one off himself. He leaves his status at the next few ROH shows ambiguous: maybe he’ll be there, maybe he’ll only be there in spirit, maybe he’ll be there but waiting in the weeds, or maybe he won’t be there at all. But now Punk has to live with that paranoia, knowing that at any second, the Raven Effect could hit. Nothing worse than knowing it’s out there and there’s nothing you can do about it. Welcome to Raven’s Clockwork Orange House of Fun. Quoth the Raven…Nevermore.

Elsewhere, Christopher Daniels cuts a promo. He recaps the worst week in Prophecy history, with how they lost the tag titles last week, and then tonight lost the FWA and ROH Titles. And now to top it off, he just found out Xavier suffered another concussion and is going to be out for some time. And in a classic example of kicking a man when he’s down, Steve Corino finally fires the first shot in their war. But it wasn’t even Corino that did it, he sent a foot soldier like Michael Shane to do his bidding. Steve can call that strategy, but he calls it cowardice. He says that the future is wide open for the Prophecy. He’s going to make his own run towards Samoa Joe and the ROH Title. And when Donovan Morgan returns from Japan (yeah about you question where he’s been lately, dummy?) they’ll take back the ROH Tag Titles. And, you never know when the Prophecy may grow by just one member. And now on top of everything, he has this personal issue now. An issue that starts with Michael Shane, and ends with Steve Corino. But he’s looking to the future. Because that which does not kill you, makes you stronger. And the Prophecy is alive, and will be stronger than ever.

In another promo from Japan, Steve Corino’s online and reading the results from that nights ROH show. He says he knows what Homicide’s doing. He’s strong style, big wrestler, big man — he hits his finish on a woman? He’s exactly what Corino thought he was: no class. When Corino returns to ROH, he’s got two words for Homicide: “Dare me.”

NEXT MONTH: BACKSEATS/DHS; DANIELSON/LONDON WHERE THE FANS CAN VOTE ONLINE FOR THE STIP; THE BUNKHOUSE RIOT FEATURING THE ROH DEBUT OF DUSTY RHODES! CLUBBERIN.

ROH: EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED - 3/15/2003

ROH: EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED

National Guard Armory
Cambridge, MA
March 15th, 2003

ROH Champion: Xavier (Since 9/21/2002 - 4 Defenses)
ROH Tag Team Champions: The Prophecy (Since 9/21/2002 - 2 Defenses)

Backstage, Prophecy members Christopher Daniels, Xavier and Allison Danger stand by. Xavier cuts another super awful promo. I refuse to give this guy a break. Daniels notes how the more things change the more they stay the same. There’s a world title contenders match tonight but there’s also a tag scramble to determine who faces Daniels/Xavier for the belts tonight (since Donovan Morgan is AGAIN not here…but also, who cares?). He says the more things change the more they stay the same is right. ROH thinks they can try and throw a wrench in the Prophecy’s plans by catching them off guard tonight but not a chance. He sees all the new faces around here like the Backseat Boyz and Hotstuff Hernandez and CM Punk and Colt Cabana and BJ Whitmer and Chad Collyer and Matt Stryker. But he’s seen a thousand of them come and go and The Prophecy is still in control of ROH. World Champ since September, Tag Champs since September, because the more things change…the more they stay the same. He says he hasn’t forgotten Steve Corino and urges him to cast the first stone he keeps talking about. Allison Danger talks about the traumatic childhood Steve put her through and she warns that if Corino does cast that first stone, she’ll reveal every secret she has on him. Daniels says when they come, they will be ready, and THAT is the gospel according to the Fallen Angel.

Match #1: Chad Collyer vs. Matt Stryker
I enjoyed this more than their first match but it does go a little too long for me to really get behind it. The crowd is super annoying too, they’re really trying to get themselves over with the “TWO” chant on a kick out, and it sucks because these two work every single pinning combination known to man it feels like. Good to great mat wrestling, above average counters and reversals that just look nice and crisp. They piggyback on a lot of the style at the time of guys like Angle and Benoit and even Bryan, and while they’re certainly not on their level, they at least don’t look like a tribute band playing the hits. Stryker tries ending it numerous times and comes close. He’s got answers for everything Collyer’s throwing at him this time around, which is a nice touch on the story from last match. But Stryker still didn’t prepare for the Cloverleaf, as Collyer gets him coming out of a roll up and traps him for the submission win.
**3/4

While these two observe the code of honor, Gabe drops his first hints on commentary about Ring of Honor creating a Pure Wrestling Division in 2003.

Backstage, Low Ki and Da Hit Squad are standing around talking. The camera guy gives them the go ahead and Mack tells Ki to cut the promo. But Maff stops and asks why Ki gets to cut the promo? Maff tries to change subjects and start the promo but Ki asks if there’s a problem. Maff says he understands the situation. Low Ki is Mr. ROH, and DHS are just two midcarders, it’s fine. Mack is really confused and asks his partner where this is coming from and Maff says to just cut the promo. Ki singles out Special K for DISRESPECTIN’ THA LOCKA ROOM~ and the code of honor and they’re going to beat some respect into them tonight and all they can do is — AND MAFF INTERRUPTS KI WITH A BOOYAKA! And he tells Special K to get ready because they ain’t playing no games. Ki looks super annoyed and Mack again plays peacemaker. Ki then asks them if it’s true Homicide is bringing those thugs here again tonight, and Mack says not only is it true but he’s heard they’re already here in the building. Mack takes Ki to go work out and Maff tells Mack he’s going to just stay behind.

Gabe announces that Styles/London were set to team tonight in the tag scramble but London collapsed last night and needed emergency nasal cavity surgery so he is OUT. AJ has requested Red as his replacement partner but Red is already wrestling tonight so Red may have triple duty!

Match #2: Amazing Red vs. Slim J
There was a point in this match where I was starting to become really disappointed because I was expecting something great instead of just good. And then right around the halfway point, they really get cooking and start to deliver. It’s the exact spot fest you’d expect but they intertwine it with a half decent story with some callbacks to earlier spots in the match including Red creatively blocking a right hand from J that almost ended it earlier:

Slim J is put over as resilient as shit in this match and he will not give up at all. Red is able to stop J on a submission attempt and hit this crazy ass finish, I don’t even know what it is or if it existed before right now but I’m also a dummy:

***

Post match, both men sell the effects of the grueling affair and Gabe puts over Red still having 1-2 more matches left tonight. Red tries to check on Slim and respect the code of honor, BUT SLUGGA GETS IN AND LAUNCHES RED UP HIGH AND HITS THE BODYBAG TO LAY HIM OUT! Now Red is hurt!

GMC is in the ring after a cut and he welcomes out CM Punk. Punk says his name is CM Punk, and he is straight edge. He's drug free, alcohol free, and straight edge means he's better than you. And straight edge also means that he's better than Raven. He says he’s never been to Boston before, and he never wants to come back here. He thought Philly was bad, but when he flew into Boston, he could see the cloud of filth rising into the air. Crowd is hating him right now. Punk says that their hero Raven isn’t even here tonight! That's what he thinks of them, so his opinion of them is even higher than Raven's opinion, and they should be happy, because he would have gotten hurt or worse, stunk the place up worse than Konnan in Philly. NICE. He challenged Raven on tape last month and Raven didn't have the balls to show up. Whichever gutter Raven is in right now, Punk says he doesn't have the heart to walk the straight edge to save himself. He's your honor, respect, and integrity. Everything he believes in is tattooed on his skin. When the fans go to jobs they hate, come home at night to a woman they don't love, go to church on Sunday’s to worship a god he knows does not exist, he wants them to think of CM Punk, because they can aspire to be just like him. Drug free, alcohol free, and better than RAVEN. QUOTE THAT. Punk leaves and goes to head to the back but as he gets to the curtain…

FANTASTIC. RAVEN IS HERE. Raven chases Punk back to the ring and then sits in the corner to a big pop. Raven says Punk made some interesting points, but it's too bad he's full of crap. Raven freely admits that he is older now, maybe time has caught up and maybe he isn’t the man that he once was. But he's not capable of being worse than Konnan in Philadelphia. YEAH KEEP SHITTING ON HIM.

Punk gets back on the mic and says all the drugs have worn him down and Raven could never even beat him in a normal wrestling match. Raven says maybe he's right, so how about Raven's Rules for their match tonight? Punk says that's like him to try and take the easy way out. But Punk says he could even beat him in that. Raven says he'll make it interesting for him then and says that if CM Punk can last 10 mins with him in the ring, then it becomes Raven's Rules Match after that. He repeats his great closer from last show of “Sometimes in life, we make our own choice. Other times, a choice is made for us. Other times, there is no choice. Welcome to Raven's Clockwork Orange House of Fun. QUOTH THE RAVEN…NEVERMORE.” Raven goes to leave, BUT PUNK TRIES A CHEAP SHOT. RAVEN FIGHTS BACK AND ALMOST GETS THE EVENFLOW, but Punk drops down and backpedals out of there and yells that there will be no DDT!

Match #3: The Backseat Boyz vs. Carnage Crew vs. The SAT vs. AJ Styles [Tag Team Scramble]
AJ is going solo with London hurt and Red just attacked. This was the definition of a spot fest. The type of spot fest, however, you’d run at a house show where everyone’s having fun, Maggle. Everybody in quick succession does their own unique dive out onto the pile on the floor but Styles steals the show:

LONDON STAR PRESS AND HE SHOUTS OUT “PAUL” AS HE DIVES. Carnage Crew especially look good here and commentary points it out. Good, fast paced finishing run and AJ wins when the Styles Clash is blocked by Jose Maximo so AJ reverses it and hits a snap powerbomb to get the win.
**3/4

AJ will get a tag team title shot later. But will the Amazing Red be okay by then?

Post-match, the Outcast Killaz come out and cut a promo on the SAT and they want to take their spot in ROH. The two teams brawl and then SAT hit Tortuga with the Spanish Fly. Alright.

Special K come out for their match. Dixie, Deranged & Angel Dust are going to be wrestling but Hydro, Brian XL and Slim J are there too. Ki & DHS come out and stand side by side at ringside and the camera very purposely picks up a man in the front row screaming something at them and my god it’s JULIUS SMOKES. They briefly get distracted by him, and Hydro, Brian & Slim tease doing stereo tope’s on them, but they get caught, so they drop to their knees and beg for forgiveness, BUT THAT WAS A SET UP FOR DIXIE, DERANGED AND ANGEL DUST TO DO STEREO SPRINGBOARD SOMERSAULT SENTONS DOWN ON TO KI AND DHS!

RULES.

Match #4: Low Ki & Da Hit Squad vs. Special K (Dixie, Deranged & Angel Dust)
Alright this is one of the craziest, surreal matches I think I’ve ever seen. After that initial dive sequence, Special K go to do it again but they get caught by Ki and DHS. And that’s where Ki and DHS go to work. DHS are their usual stiff selves, but Low Ki looked like he worked this match pissed off, because god damn. His strikes were BRUTAL, these kids were dying on every shot. It felt like when Bob Holly roughed up Matt Capotelli on Tough Enough. Here’s some gifs of this insanity, including Monsta Mack attempting (and failing) A VAN TERMINATOR DIVING HEADBUTT:

Mack hurts his knee so they have Special K use the weapons for a DQ. They celebrate to the back but once Mack feels ok, Ki & DHS say it ain’t ending like that and to restart the match. Special K are against that idea so Ki & DHS go out after them and beat them back to the ring. Dixie offers Low Ki some ecstasy, and surprisingly Ki takes it! He starts dancing, and then collapses! Special K help him up and start dancing with him, UNTIL:

INCREDIBLE. Ki & DHS continue the beatdown and end it with the Ki Krusher/Steiner Screwdriver/Burning Hammer simultaneously on the original 3 Special K dudes. Fantastic.
Ten Million Stars (actually **3/4, but what an ass whooper)

Continuing his streak of ruining everything cool as quick as he can, Gabe rushes to let us know that “ROH is NOT sports entertainment, but that proves that ROH can do sports entertainment better than anyone else does sports entertainment, and ROH is not sports entertainment.” That is almost an exact quote. Die.

Backstage, GMC is with Carnage Crew to talk about their impressive performance tonight but also to note how at the last show they pissed off the TWA kids and the reformed CSC. Not sure how they pissed off the CSC, they returned to attack the Crew? Anyway, they repeat all their same points about their shitty real jobs and Loc’s fat ugly wife and DeVito’s skinny crackhead wife and all of their stupid kids but even if they get pinned in matches they still win because they’re away from them.

We then cut to…GMC also backstage but now with Raven. But before he can ask Raven anything, Trinity walks by. Raven stops her and hits on her, and says he wants to hang with her later but he also wants her to valet for him tonight. And she agrees.

Match #5: Quiet Storm & Ghost Shadow vs. Dunn & Marcos
This is awful. Zero reason this should’ve made tape let alone been the match you came back from intermission with.
1/4*

Match #6: CM Punk vs. Raven [Raven’s Rules]
Punk isn’t there quite yet. He’s certainly very good and he is getting there. But he’s not there yet. Because of that, and the fact that Raven spends these first ten minutes doing actual wrestling after coming off a mostly horrendous WWE run, the match suffers a bit. You could feel these two are capable of more and of better and this isn’t their last confrontation so I have full faith. Once the ten mins are up, this switches to Raven’s Rules and Punk’s able to one up Raven and bust him open early, and Raven gets one hell of a gusher going. Punk at one point attacks Trinity and puts her through a table on the floor with a diving leg drop. Raven goes on the offensive for a finishing run but has a tough time with some ref bumps. Raven has it won at one point, the refs down and Raven goes to get him up allowing Punk to low blow him and get him in the Devil Lock, and RAVEN TAPS OUT. That’s HUGE. Punk is made.
**1/2

Post match, Punk offers his hand and Raven’s willing to admit he got bested at his own game. But as he shakes, Punk tries a cheap shot. Raven blocks it and pulls him in for an Evenflow, but the ref stops it and points to the ROH on the turnbuckle, some code of honor nonsense, and Punk bails. Out of frustration, Raven hits the ref with the Evenflow and then goes to check on Trinity.

During the entrances for the next match, Samoa Joe is called out by Julius Smokes and the other thugs in the front row and he invites them to get in the ring. And when Homicide comes out he daps the thugs up.

Match #7: Samoa Joe vs. Homicide vs. BJ Whitmer vs. EZ Money [#1 Contd’rs Trophy]
God fucking damnit STOP with the EZ Money shit. Honestly, my hating aside, this should’ve just been Joe/Homicide II for a lot of reasons. Money was so out of place and actively stunk at points. I don’t know enough about BJ to know if he ever gets “it” but he certainly does not have “it” yet. But the Joe/Cide portions of this were great and violent, and a big step up from their disappointing match a few months back in Boston. Good ending where Joe and Cide are fighting to get the win over one of the lessers, and Joe’s just a second better by getting Money with The Choke and Cide being a second too short to break it up as Money taps.
**1/4

Post-match…

They continue to jaw at one another after Joe is handed the trophy. Homicide gets in Joe’s face, and Joe makes the trophy kiss Homicide’s forehead. Everyone observes the code of honor and leaves to let Joe celebrate. We can see in the background of one particular shot Julius Smokes cheering Homicide on vigorously. Homicide yells to the camera that it ain’t over with Joe and it definitely ain’t over with Steve Corino.

Joe goes to leave and Smokes starts running his mouth again. At one point he tells him to “take his fat ass back to California now”. Joe gets down and gets into Smokes face and invites him to step up and do it. Smokes takes off his wave cap and jewelry and is ready to do it, but refs get between them.

Joe heads up the aisleway to the back, and in that time, Smokes circumnavigated the crowd and goes RUNNING at Joe by the entryway but he’s cut off by security who tackle him to the ground. Joe goes through the curtain and immediately starts brawling with Homicide as security and the locker room are trying to keep Smokes and the other thugs at bay. It keeps going on, and now DHS are going after Joe and people are having to hold them back. Meanwhile, security gets Smokes and the thugs and pushes them out of the back door into the parking lot. Gabe is at the door way and is again SHRIEKING (he really should not be yelling on camera so often it’s so hilariously bad) and he yells that they’re going to press charges on them.

This was fine but it was nowhere near as good as the riot in NYC. Again, I don’t know what ROH’s distribution was like back then, so I don’t even know if this crowd was fully aware of what happened in NYC, and if they were, were they aware that it was or wasn’t a work. They really didn’t react to any of this too much outside of some general cheers because they didn’t have a reason to care. This is Boston, not NYC where Cide and them are from. Not to mention, nobody did anything heelish except for Smokes and them. There was no Corino to drop verbal bombs on the crowd to get them to that riotous state. Again, this was fine and it advanced the story while Corino wasn’t here, but it was nowhere near the level of the Queens Riot.

For the main event, Amazing Red does indeed come out with AJ!

Match #8: The Prophecy (Daniels/Xavier) (c) w/ Allison Dangervs. AJ Styles & Amazing Red w/ Alexis Laree [ROH Tag Team Championships]
This was a bit long but I don’t hate it entirely. The whole idea behind it is AJ and Red discovering and developing their chemistry as a team while the Prophecy has been together for a while now. Plus AJ and Red both wrestled grueling matches earlier so Prophecy has them on stamina. AJ/Daniels bits in this are awesome, Red is good and Xavier is passable. Xavier gets knocked silly by a kick from Red at one point and I don’t know if this match would’ve continued in the modern era, like he remained dazed and sloppy the rest of the match, so that hurts the bout overall. Kind of a sloppy finish too when AJ stops Daniels from hitting Red with a move on the ropes by grabbing Daniels down and hitting him with the Styles Clash. Xavier is early with the late break up (if that makes sense) and it looks like the pin *was* broken up, but they pretend it wasn’t, and the ref calls it and AJ/Red have beaten the Prophecy and won the belts!
**1/2

Backstage, Homicide tells the camera that this ain’t over. Steve Corino may say he’s done with the Notorious 187, but it ain’t over. And anytime Joe, CW, Shane or anybody wants to make a move, then make it, because he’s got his peoples there with him and they’re going to be at every show moving forward incase shit pops off. Julius Smokes, some random dude, and my GOD a young Becky Bayless, all walk over. MY FLESH MY FLESH MY BLOOD MY BLOOD. Smokes addresses the camera and asks if they think they forgot about what happened in Queens? Smokes says they’ve got Cide’s back. The random dude asks what the deal with Low Ki is and Smokes says Ki forgot where he came from. Smokes says he’ll take care of him. HE’S THE DEVIL’S SON IN LAW. YEAH YEAH YEAH BBBBBDAT BBBBBDAT.

Elsewhere, the camera tries to get a promo from Christopher Daniels, who is sitting alone and dejected backstage. He refuses to cut a promo because this company keeps trying to screw him and he calls the pinfall tonight into question. So maybe Xavier did do it right and it was supposed to be like that. Idk. Daniels chases the camera off.

And lastly, CM Punk appears to be…in a dumpster or holding cell or something, I dunno. He says he doesn’t drink or do drugs and his only hobby is crushing the human spirit. He said when Raven tried to DDT him after the match tonight, all that did was force Raven to show his hand and he knows he’s in Raven’s head. Next weekend at ROH’s next show, ROH has made a tag team match where they get to pick their partners, and Raven’s picked Colt Cabana. He says he knows Colt better than he knows himself. They’ve been the best of friends and the worst of enemies, and Raven has a partner he can’t trust. Meanwhile, he’s picking Ace Steel and he knows he can trust Ace. Punk says it’s funny because next week, they’re in Philadelphia, the place where many say Raven was born. And next week, it’s where his time in ROH will go to die. Quoth THAT.

NEXT WEEK: Low Ki/Jody Fleisch! Raven/Colt vs Punk/Steel! Xavier/Joe for the belt! YES.

ROH: ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY SHOW - 2/8/2003

ROH: ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY SHOW

THE MADHOUSE OF EXTREME
Queens, NY
February 8th, 2003

ROH Champion: Xavier (Since 9/21/2002 - 3 Defenses)
ROH Tag Team Champions: The Prophecy (Since 9/21/2002 - 2 Defenses)

My mutant powers are activated! E C DUB. E C DUB. E C DUB.

Show starts with a Low Ki pretape outside, sucking himself off and then jerking ROH off a lil bit. All you can do is be ready, etc.

A super long highlight video of ROH’s first year airs to awful techno.

And then a just as long video airs of the Danielson/Ki/Daniels match at the first show.

Outside, Paul London says he has AJ and Low Ki tonight and he can’t make them sound any better than they are. He got a taste of gold at Final Battle but let himself down. Tonight will be a different story.

Match #1: Colt Cabana vs. Michael Shane vs. Chad Collyer vs. EZ Money [Four Corner Survival Match]
Gabe bringing in EZ Money for this show for an ECW pop only to get absolute CRICKETS when he comes out fills my heart with joy. The idea of this match is fine for an opener but the execution was missing for me. Crowd was super hot so it really didn’t matter too much. Collyer continues to be slightly above average, Colt is coming along too. Shane had a really off night here. EZ Money is a smelly piece of shit. Last few minutes or so turns into some indieriffic nonsense (non derogatory) with some fast paced offense from all four, counters and reversals, etc. EZ Money sadly wins with the Cha-Ching on Chad.
**

A recap airs of that overly long Nommy appearance back at ASE.

Backstage, as AJ Styles arrives. He wants another title shot and another chance at getting the belt away from the Prophecy, but he’s gotta go through London and Ki, and he knows it won’t be easy.

Match #2: Carnage Crew [DeVito, Loc & MASADA] vs. Don Juan, Fast Eddie & Hotstuff Hernandez
Had no memory of Hernandez being a TWA kid much less being in ROH. This is fine. The babyface trio get the bulk of the offense to set up for the finish where a frustrated Crew break out the hubcaps and chairs for a DQ.
*3/4

Post-match, they keep the attack up and hit Fast Eddie with a spike piledriver from the middle rope. Rudy Boy gets in and punches off Loc and DeVito and gets in Masada’s face, his former student (although that has yet to be acknowledged, much like Masada being with the Crew intermittently has yet to really be acknowledged). Masada attacks his trainer and DeVito & Loc are back up to join in. Just then — the original Christopher Street Connection come out to a pretty decent pop and they do their really bad and offensive offense on the Crew to send them bailing. One funny spot though was a rope sequence where they both shot confetti shooters in the Crew’s faces. They then make out and the crowd pops again. Alright.

A recap of the first Briscoe/Briscoe match airs.

Match #3: Jay Briscoe vs. Mark Briscoe
So the story that Gabe says is that this match is happening because recently, Mark’s best friend died suddenly and it made him reconsider his time with the Prophecy and his beef with his brother. So he’s left the Prophecy, wants to make up with his brother, and this match was agreed upon to work out any remaining issues they may have. Not sure if any of the stuff about Mark’s friend dying is true, or if it’s just a lame way to dump the angle and unite the Briscoes now that Mark is 18, but whatever. I would’ve liked to have seen him with the Prophecy more than twice but whaddya gonna do. More important stuff awaits the Briscoes as a team. Oh, the match! It’s a bit jarring at times. They go from some really basic, safe hold exchanges in the ring to at one point getting into one of the more stiff striking battles I’ve seen in a while:

Of course, Gabe ruins it by immediately yelling “THERE’S NO SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT IN WHAT WE JUST SAW THERE”. Gabe has this inate ability to make the coolest things lame. They get even more aggressive as the match goes on. Mark has a fun control segment which perishes when he attempts a springboard cutter into the ring and Jay catches him off the middle rope for a crusher of his own. Finish comes where Jay can’t put his brother away so he has to resort to the extreme of hitting THREE consecutive Jay Drillers in a row to win.
***1/4

Post-match, we get a shot of Papa and Mama Briscoe watching on. Jay helps Mark up and they hug.

In a pretape, DHS is on the roof of the Elks Lodge with a cool backdrop of the sun setting on the city skyline. They put over ROH’s first year and stuff. They also hype tonight’s main event, which is either a 14-man or 30-man tag scramble, depending on which member of DHS is talking.

A recap of the incredible Ki/Red match airs.

Homicide cuts a pretape backstage. He hypes his match vs. Steve Corino tonight. He says he could’ve been the #1 Contender for the ROH Title but Corino took that away from him. So tonight he makes sure Corino doesn’t make it out of NYC. He says Corino may have his Group, but he’s got his gang of thugs out there too. Here we go!

Corino comes out with Luscious and Joe. Homicide comes out to a hero’s welcome. Corino grabs the mic and has Joe stand in front of him so Homicide can’t interrupt him. Corino shits on the NY crowd and gets the place fucking buzzing. He says no crackhead in this building has the guts to shut him up. He says he is a MAJOR INTERNATIONAL WRESTLING SUPERSTAR and these people need to show him respect when he’s talking. He introduces The Group, first with Luscious and then Joe. He then introduces the Group’s next member, a kid that reminds him a lot of himself…MICHAEL SHANE! Shane comes out in a Corino T-shirt. Corino then finds Gabe and Convicted Sex Offender Rob Feinstein on the stage and tells them that HE calls the shots in ROH, not them, and he doesn’t care what they say about who works here and who doesn’t, so he brings out the NEXT member of his group, THE ENFORCER CW ANDERSON! Big heat for CW, and Gabe is pissed. Corino turns to Homicide and says there’s one more member, and then he turns to the entrance and yells “LOW KI…” but it’s a fake out as he just says he’s got his eye on Low Ki. Homicide finally steals the mic and yells that Low Ki ain’t down with him. He then says he ain’t afraid of nobody in this group because he’s got New York behind him ready to jump this guardrail, and a VERY large contingent of people stand up and are almost riotous in the crowd. Homicide then hits Corino with the mic, and it’s on!

Match #4: Steve Corino vs. Homicide
Oh I loved all of this. The first real GRITTY atmosphere in ROH. The crowd is hot. Joe, CW & Shane do a great job of antagonizing the fans (including the plants, one of whom is about to become very important). The match itself is fine, it’s more to set up the next stage of their feud than put on a classic encounter. Corino is great as a slow, methodical heel. Homicide continues to shine. The ref takes a bump when Homicide slams Corino and Corino’s foot hits the ref in the dick. The ref is on all fours and Homicide leaps off the refs back to hit Corino with a shining wizard that would’ve surely ended it but the ref was too late making the count. This went to the floor while the ref was still convalescing. Homicide grabs a chair and DARES Joe to make a move but Joe and the rest of the Group are strict observers of the Code of Honor so they will not attack Cide during the match. Just a great piece of storytelling there. Homicide throws a chair at Corino and the ref starts to get up so he basically sees the aftermath of what happened and lets Homicide off with a warning given the atmosphere. Homicide sits Corino down in the chair and goes for the tope con hilo, BUT:

Cide is OUT. Corino drags him back in the ring and tries several times to end it. He hits him with both the Old School Expulsion and the Northern Lights Bomb but Cide is kicking out almost on instinct. Finally, Corino locks in the Cobra Clutch Sleeper and Homicide passes out. Fun shit, man.
***

Post-match, the Group all get in the ring to celebrate. They desecrate Homicide’s Yankees jersey and Shane even rubs it on his taint/gooch. AND HOMICIDE’S CREW HAS SEEN ENOUGH! THEY JUMP THE GUARD RAILS AND START FIGHTING AND JOE GOES AFTER ALL OF THEM! ABSOLUTE RIOTOUS SCENE! More fans start to come over the guardrails and it’s an all out brawl. And from the looks of it, some REAL fans get involved!

The locker room clears out and starts going after the real fans that were fighting including Joe squaring up with and downing this absolute monster of a human who cowers immediately. Everyone’s after everyone! Carnage Crew, DHS, Low Ki & CSC all run out. It’s A NON STOP fight, this is fucking nuts. Corino gets Luscious out of there. CW looks lost. Gabe & Rob get involved to try and break everything up. Gabe does one of his really high pitched, shrill screams again which makes DeVito laugh behind his back. Gabe sucks.

Rob yells at Michael Shane to get the fuck out of here and SHANE GOES AFTER ROB FEINSTEIN! YES. KILL HIM! Rob yells they’re gonna get banned from here. Low Ki tries going after a specific fan (the future Julius Smokes!!!) and Homicide stops him and the announcers call sight to that. Low Ki starts throwing shit from ringside into the ring and the JAPW guys (Cide, Ki, DHS, CSC) all get in the ring. Gabe lets out another yell and runs to the back. Feinstein then yells at Homicide that this is his fault, AND HOMICIDE GOES AFTER FEINSTEIN NOW! He yells ain’t shit his fault and he don’t give a fuck if he gets fired. DHS try to hold him back, BUT CIDE SLIPS FREE AND RUNS TO THE BACK AFTER FEINSTEIN AGAIN! AND THE RIOT ALMOST BREAKS OUT A THIRD TIME IN THE BACKSTAGE AREA!

They then replay the riot from two different angles.

If you’ve never seen any of that, I strongly urge you seek it out. It’s one of the most damndest things I have ever seen in 30+ years of watching wrestling. Incredible.

A recap airs of the Tag Title tourney finals back in September.

A pretape airs of Christopher Daniels in Japan. He just repeats a lot of the same points regarding Corino and the Group. He dates Corino to fire the first shot.

A recap airs of the Crowning a Champion main event including the incredible Chaos Theory into Dragon Clutch spot.

Outcast Killaz vs. Dunn & Marcos is scheduled to happen next. But Gary Michael Cappetta comes out. He apologizes for interrupting but says a member of Steve Corino’s Group wants to come out and make a statement and he gleefully says what the Group wants, the Group gets. Wait a minute…has GMC supposed to have been a heel this whole time? CW Anderson comes out in his gear. He gets the crowd riled up again and says he came here for a fight and as you saw he just whipped on 30 plus northerners earlier and he’s still hungry for more. He tells the two tag teams to leave but they don’t so CW beats the shit out of all four of them. He then issues an open challenge to anyone here. CM Punk comes out! He says he accepts because at least CW showed up for work this time unlike “someone else” (apparently, Punk was supposed to face Reckless Youth on this show, but en route to the building, Youth was involved in a car accident).

Want to take a second to harp on Gabe again. During that brawl, on commentary (because remember, he’s not Gabe on commentary) he wouldn’t shut the fuck up about “throwing storylines out” and “breaking kayfabe”. Earlier during the Briscoes match, he had the sports entertainment comment. Then, as this next match starts, he continues the worked shoot shit with CW by saying “management said he was in line for a major push before he chose a Japan booking over ROH” and how he “went against the script that night he first returned”.

Shut. The Fuck. Up. Shut up shut up SHUT UP. Shut what they call the FUCK up. You may have a mostly good, creative mind, but you are the whiniest sounding little smarky troll I have ever heard in a non-late period WCW company. I would take Joel Gertner’s weird obsession with JFK Jr again before I EVER chose Gabe to do commentary. When he’s not trying to be ONE OF THE INTERNET FANS~ he’s honestly not half bad at commentary. But Jesus Christ, you fucking nasally little fucking “back when i was in the original ECW” troll, SHUT UP. You were Paul E’s errand boy no matter how many fake titles and duties you want to edit your Wikipedia to show. Shut up! You are actively taking away from maybe the best show ROH has ever done. SHUT UP. Rant over.

Match #5: CM Punk vs. CW Anderson
These two did not mesh very well unfortunately. It didn’t help that Gabe spent the entire match burying CW on commentary but I won’t get mad about that again. CW starts to work a bit spooked between not meshing and the crowd beginning to shit on the match. Finish comes when Punk stops CW’s spinebuster and rolls him up for the win.
*1/4

A recap airs of the London/Shane street fight.

Match #6: Bryan Danielson vs. Samoa Joe
They both got haircuts and somewhat newer gear and it’s weird because it looks like 2006 TNA Samoa Joe vs. 2011 WWE Daniel Bryan. Just a weird observation. I liked this a lot, only slightly less than their encounter at the last show however. Bryan works from the underdog spot well and Joe is likely overconfident after beating Bryan last month. They do some good mat exchanges building up to a striking battle which Joe wins again with the knee shot he won with last month. But this time, it’s not necessarily a knock out blow in a great bit of storytelling. Joe is still super cocky, thinking that’s it, and he does a Powerbomb followed by a lackadaisical pin that Bryan catches him on, turning in into an inside cradle to get the win!
***3/4

Post-match, Joe is in that “I can’t believe I got got” phase of disbelief and Bryan is selling the beatdown tremendously. They both observe the code of honor.

Clips air of the awful title switch where Xavier beat Low Ki and joined the Prophecy.

Allison Danger introduces Xavier in the ring and they’re out to watch the contenders trophy match. Xavier comes out to ZERO reaction. In the ring, they do a pretty loud “AC Slater” chant. Xavier cuts an awfully generic promo again and the crowd just shits on him. But you can tell it gets Gabe’s little schmeckle pulsating.

Match #7: Low Ki vs. AJ Styles vs. Paul London [#1 Contd’r Three Way Dance]
The crowd is hot for this. They obviously love AJ and Ki, but London gets a thunderous pop and has clearly emerged as possibly the top pure babyface in the company which is crazy. This is obviously a nod to the three way dance that started it at all a year ago. I don’t believe that this lives up to that in a lot of ways but that didn’t make this a bad match by any stretch of the imagination. I want to make points about all three of these guys.

First off, AJ Styles has arrived. This is the AJ that’s literally in discussion every year as Best in the World from this moment on probably all the way through 2016-2017. Everything he does is crisp, it’s clean. It’s insane to ponder what would’ve been if WCW stayed in business and still had AJ Styles under contract. But also scary because they likely would’ve mismanaged him more than TNA did later on.

Secondly, Low Ki. Out of all of the “main ROH guys” you think about, Low Ki is one I had the least amount of experience watching heading into this project. I knew he was good. I had seen a lot of his TNA runs and of course his ill-fated WWE run. But I didn’t know just *how* good he really was at one point. He’s a little over the top with his expressions and that ridiculous voice of his, but he fucking makes me believe in every move he makes in that ring. It’s something I first really picked up on in the match against Amazing Red, and something he’s only gotten better at in each and every match he’s had since then in this run.

Lastly, Paul London. I had never seen a single non WWE Paul London match in my life prior to this project. I knew he was very good, I knew he was (or became) a little crazy. But his rise in the early days of ROH has been such a treat and something that feels like the company’s first real organic thing. Ki, Daniels and Bryan, they’re brought in to be the guy. Joe’s on his way but he feels inevitable. Xavier is a totally failed experiment. Homicide is slowly getting there. Spanky would’ve been but he got signed. London was near the bottom of the TWA group when they first came in, and in the last six months, a switch was flipped and he’s stealing the show almost every time he’s in the ring and the fans LOVE IT. They are hot for him, it adds to the matches because you know it’s boosting his confidence since he’s just practically a kid, and it’s not going against the grain just because “that wasn’t in the plans”. I think London probably should’ve won the belt here and had a short transitional reign between Xavier and Joe. It would’ve legitimized him more, it would’ve given Joe a better opponent to beat, and it would’ve given the fans someone who THEY pushed to the top a chance to win the big prize.

The match is great, as I said. It’s not going to be as memorable as the first ROH 3 way a year prior for obvious reasons, but it’s great. London takes some crazy dives and bumps, and is giving it his all. AJ and Ki are carrying this so well. They work a story where London keeps trying to get the big win but either Ki is shutting him down or Styles is showing him up. At the end, Ki hits Styles with a Super Ki Krusher which should be it, BUT IN THE SPLIT SECOND AFTER HE LANDS, LONDON IS UP TOP TO HIT THE SSP ON STYLES AND HE STEALS THE WIN!
***1/2

Post-match, the camera catches Xavier, still at ringside, taking off his street clothes to reveal his gear was on underneath. Back in the ring, Styles and Ki pay respect to London and tell him to go get that belt back from the Prophecy. Such a great story this has been with AJ/Ki vs. The Prophecy and while they beat the fuck out of them last month, they’re relying on this young buck to step up and get the final bit done.

Xavier gets in the ring and says London will NOT get a shot at his title next show. The only way he’s honoring London’s #1 Contendership is if he faces him RIGHT NOW. LONDON AGREES AND IT’S ON!

Match #8: Xavier (c) vs. Paul London [ROH Championship]
Going back to what I said up there — this is where you have London win it. The place would’ve came unglued. It would’ve been such a huge moment. Then you give Xavier his rematch next show, and the show after Joe takes the belt off of London and starts The Reign. However, I also get it. London had some TNA dates coming and his ultimate goal was WWE, who’s probably already sniffing around after signing Spanky. Maybe Gabe had the foresight to realize they weren’t going to be able to hold on to London much longer, I don’t know. This match was what it was. Xavier really sucks. Allison Danger gets involved early and Alexis Laree comes out to neutralize her and stay in London’s corner. Xavier capitalizes on London’s exhaustion and beats him in and out of the ring even busting him open. But London stays resilient and is kicking out of everything. It kinda goes a bit too long for what it should/could be. London gets a second wind and has it won but Allison Danger pulls Xavier out of the pin so Mickie gets in a cat fight with her. London and Xavier brawl again on the floor and Xavier hits the 450 back in the ring and London kicks out again. He doesn’t know what to do. They got into a pinning combination but quickly Xavier grabs the tights on his part of the sequence and keeps London down for 3. Xavier still sucks but this was probably his best match.
**3/4

Crowd is silent. But I guess that’s the heat Gabe is looking for. Dope.

Recap of Eddie Guerrero’s ROH run airs.

Match #9: Da Hit Squad, Divine Storm, The SAT & Mikey Whipwreck vs. Special K (Angel Dust, BrianXL, Deranged, Dixie, Izzy, Jody Fleisch & Slim J)
Zero idea why this main evented. Other than the fact that the crowd peaked twice with the riot and the London stuff and are now completely dead, this just isn’t good. I have given Gabe a ton of shit but one thing I can’t even sit back and go “okay I can at least see where he was coming from” is his obsession with The SAT and Divine Storm. Was it just that he was boys with Mikey from ECW? Is it simple as that? Because these four are just ungodly bad wrestlers. And they bring everyone else in this match down because of it. Mikey turns on his kids and joins Special K. And somehow the match keeps going on and on after the turn? wtf. Even Gabe and Convicted Sex Offender start dunking on the match and how bad it is on commentary. What a joke. Maff wins with a burning hammer on Deranged. THEN WHY DO THE MIKEY TURN?!
1/4*

A recap airs of the shit kicking the Prophecy got from Ki and Styles last month.

In a pretape, Christopher Daniels talks more about the issues with Corino. This was at least more in depth than the last couple. He takes off his priest garb and says this isn’t the Fallen Angel talking to the King of Old School, this is Chris talking to Steve. He talks about their past and how they met in the WWF dojo and became lifelong friends, or so he thought. When Steve won the ECW World Title and the NWA World Title and became the biggest gajin star in Zero-One, there was nobody happier than Christopher Daniels. So imagine his surprise when Steve is standing in the ring across from him telling him he’s coming to destroy what he’s built and what he’s earned. He notes how Daniels took Luscious and Joe from him, and how he was able to get Michael Shane to join him after Shane turned the Prophecy down, and now they want to take the titles away from the Prophecy. So then maybe the lines have been drawn and the gauntlet has been thrown down. If he wants a war, cast the first stone, because if it’s a war he wants it’s a war he’s gonna get. And that’s not the gospel according to the Fallen Angel, that’s the word of Christopher Daniels.

Backstage, Paul London is sitting around looking dejected. AJ comes up and gives him props. He says neither of them are ROH Champion, and that’s fine. But maybe they can be Tag Team Champions together. This seems to lighten London up a bit and he says that would be awesome.

Elsewhere, CM Punk cuts a promo. He says he asked for this time to talk about respect. He respects CW Anderson who gave him a fight tonight. He even respects someone like Colt Cabana, as much as he annoys him. Cabana bursts onto the scene to try and hug Punk and Punk yells at him that he’s gotta get this done so they can get to the hotel and reminds Cabana not to forget who’s letting him sleep on his floor tonight. Punk restarts. He adds on that there’s a guy coming into ROH soon that doesn’t fit the bill of an ROH athlete, or an athlete at all. Punk says he himself is straight edge. He’s drug and alcohol free. He believes in that so much he’s even got it tattooed on his body.

On the 3/15 show, Raven is set to make his ROH debut. Everything Punk believes in, Raven is against. Punk stands for integrity, honor, and pride. Can Raven stand for anything, can he even stand? Raven is into debauchery and drugs He's a weak man who can't control his own demons. Punk says when he thinks about ROH, he thinks about skill like Low Ki, Danielson, or Samoa Joe. Raven doesn't belong in that sentence or even in a locker room with the likes of him. He's challenging Raven to a match on March 15th, unless he's afraid his first appearance will be his last, and he'll find exactly why he doesn't belong in ROH. And EXACTLY WHY Straight Edge means I’m better than you.

We’re here.

Raven sends in a pretape! Raven says that CM Punk reminds him what he used to think of the old timers when he first got in this business. They looked at him with disdain and disgust, wondering who this little smart ass was that was trying to make a name off of them. Now he finds himself in the exact position he used to scoff at and say to get out of the way. But actually, he's not that old. He's in better shape than he's ever been. The booze and drugs, they took their toll, maybe, but perhaps they just preserved him? He's in better condition, can run faster, and wrestle longer. CM Punk would have to knock him out, and after all he's been through, and that’s not going to happen. Punk's potential has not yet been realized and he's not the guy it'll be realized on. Maybe Punk’s on the clean and narrow, but also maybe he doesn't have the balls to take a walk on the dark side. Some would say he's a genius, or insane, but whatever flows through his head is a hell of a lot more than what passes through Punk’s. Sometimes in life, we make our own choice. Other times, a choice is made for us. Other times, there is no choice. Welcome to Raven's Clockwork Orange House of Fun. QUOTH THE RAVEN…NEVERMORE.

FUCK YES.

And finally, somewhere else backstage, Low Ki, London, Danielson and Maff are holding up a cake that says “ROH 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY” and they are putting it right up to their mouths and eating it. Very nasty! And it’s not very nice. To make matters worse, Convicted Sex Offender Rob Feinstein walks up and thanks everyone for a great year, so they throw the cake in Convicted Sex Offender Rob Feinstein’s face.

Rob Feinstein is a Convicted Sex Offender.  

NEXT MONTH: PUNK/RAVEN!

ROH: REVENGE ON THE PROPHECY - 1/11/2003

ROH: REVENGE ON THE PROPHECY

CCAC South Campus
West Mifflin, PA
January 11th, 2003

ROH Champion: Xavier (Since 9/21/2002 - 3 Defenses)
ROH Tag Team Champions: The Prophecy (Since 9/21/2002 - 2 Defenses)

Welcome to 2003!

The show begins by re-airing the last seg from the last show, where Corino revealed Simply Luscious had left the Prophecy to join him in his new Group.

On High Impact TV days later, Corino and Luscious introduced the newest member of The Group…the man the Prophecy brought in as their hired gun, SAMOA JOE! Corino does an awesome job putting Joe over and Joe looks extremely happy instead of the annoyed looks he’d give the Prophecy. He tells Daniels it looks like he’s not for sale anymore. He then puts on an “I KILLED CURRYMAN” baseball hat and says and now The Group is coming for all of the Prophecy’s titles.

A week later on High Impact TV, Corino, Joe & Luscious confronted The Prophecy backstage. Daniels is angry at Corino but angrier at Luscious. He no sells Joe. Daniels says since Corino’s wanted to make this personal, he wants to introduce him to the newest member of the Prophecy…CORINO’S SISTER, ALLISON DANGER! Allison says that ROH was ready to leave her in the wind when the CSC got hurt, but now she’s with the Prophecy and protecting their business. But unlike when Luscious was here, her job will be much more than business and she playfully grabs Daniels chin, and he then laughs. Corino is incensed and laughs off the anger and tries to get Daniels to throw the first punch to start this war. Both both stables pull Corino & Daniels apart.

All fantastic. I love it.

This is one of the worst venues I’ve ever seen. It’s literally half of a high school lookin’ ass gym with maybe less than 200 people here.

GMC opens the show but Special K interrupt. With this small dead crowd it’s nice because I can finally hear in ring promos! Deranged has the mic. He says all of them in Special K are excited to finally be here in CLEVELAND! They only came here to BUFFALO for one reason and one reason only, and that's to show all of them what ROH is really about. And that's TO PARTY! YEAH! And he says ROH STANDS FOR REALLY COOL HOUSE PARTIES! The debuting Hydro (Jay Lethal) asks if cool starts with a K, so he amends it to REALLY AWESOME HOUSE PARTIES! Fantastic. Now before they go to party with all your sisters, daughters, and nieces, they're going to get it started right now. They begin dancing around to their techno bullshit music but the SAT and Da Hit Squad run out to attack. Yawn. Special K bails but one of ‘em gets trapped. He's hit with the Spanish Fly by the SAT, and then Mafia's Burning Hammer. Deranged gets caught trying a move off the top and Monsta Mack powerbombs him over the top onto Special K, but Slugga catches him and they leave. As they leave, one of them yells WE HAVE NO DRUGS. NOTHING! Maff grabs the mic and calls this place Pittsburgh to a delayed reaction because they’re actually like 20 minutes outside Pittsburgh. They probably thought he was doing a bit too. Anyway, Maff does a good job of hyping them up and they get hot and chant ROH.

EARLIER TODAY: There was pre show fanfest and Allison Danger picked a fight with Simply Luscious. They get pulled apart and Gabe really loudly yells “AH GEEZE LOUISE!”

Backstage, Paul London cuts a really bad promo hyping up his match against Homicide, Colt Cabana and BJ Whitmer and he’s hoping a win will help him crack the Top 5 Ranking System. What’s this now? He says the fans that chant “please don’t die” at him gets him stronger and harder and people need to get ready. So we’re just done with phrasing then?

Match #1: Chad Collyer vs. Matt Stryker
This was like watching a 1996 WCWSN Dean Malenko showcase only with somehow less charisma. Collyer is above average he’s just bland. For the uninformed, this is NOT the Matt Striker that later works at WWE and Impact and whatnot. But this Matt Stryker has maybe the worst, nastiest unibrow I’ve ever seen. I wasn’t sure if this match would work as the opener in a brand new market for ROH but it did its job. Crowd was into it. But there’s really nothing spectacular to write about. Reversals and holds aplenty. Stryker has some really good, stiff chops. Collyer does some knee work but Stryker chooses to simply not sell any of it. Gets messy at the end til Collyer reverses Striker and flips him slowly into the Texas Cloverleaf for the win.
**1/4

Post-match, they actually get a standing ovation. So good for them. Inoffensive match.

Backstage, CM Punk cuts a promo about tonight. He says this isn’t about revenge and it’s not about him crying. The fact is, Michael Shane beat him in his debut no matter which way you spin it. He won’t cry about losing, but he will get pissed off at the way he lost, when Shane grabbed the ropes to pin him because he knew he couldn’t beat him. But he doesn’t have to live with all of this hatred inside, it gets released when he beats Michael Shane tonight. Because if he doesn’t he won’t be able to live with himself.

Match #2: CM Punk vs. Michael Shane
I actually enjoyed this quite a bit. Punk was working as the underdog, coming from behind, which is sort of a weak spot for him at this point. He’s still figuring things out overall, as well. But it’s still good. Shane impressed me though. Again, I’m not saying he’s some hidden gem lost to time, but given what he could do and who he was related to and who they were hiring at the time, it is shocking to me he didn’t have a WWE main roster midcard run in the mid 00’s. Shane has an overly long control segment that kind of killed the crowd. So when Punk fights out of it he’s working extra fast and hard to try and win them back over, and he gets kind of sloppy because of it. But they recover nicely in the finish. Story is, Punk can’t put Shane down for 3 no matter he throws at him. He tries numerous times, and it’s always a kick out at 2. Punk tries a sunset flip but Shane sits on his shoulders and grabs the ropes like he did in November. But this time the ref sees and kicks Shane’s arms loose. They roll to their feet, Punk ducks a shot from Shane and he gets him with a backslide to get the pin. I liked that.
**1/2

VERY tense code of honor observed post match.

This show is airing out of the order it was filmed? Every card I saw does not have these next two matches here they happen later? I dunno.

Match #3: Homicide vs. Colt Cabana vs. Paul London vs. BJ Whitmer [Four Corner Survival Match]
This was great! If my vote was able to be counted I would’ve called for this to open the show. Cabana and Whitmer are still developing, so while good, they do hold this back from being something otherworldly special. But they’ll get there. Homicide and Paul London are the stars of this. Homicide is as brutal and stiff as ever. London is selling his ass off. All four men feel the crowd out and that maybe goes on a bit too long before they figure out how they want to work this and start going fast pace, full boar. Homicide is calling the charge. London attempts an SSP but Cide gets up so London lands on his feet and walks right into a BRUTAL Cop Killa:

Gif glitched out at the perfect moment there hell yeah. Cabana hits Homicide with the Colt 45 and then gets into a decent striking battle with BJ hits two dragon suplexes on a row on Cabana, sets up a third but Cabana fights it so BJ clubs him with a forearm shot before hitting the third with a bridge for the pin, BUT THEN FROM OFF SCREEN AND SEEMINGLY FROM THE HEAVENS COMES PAUL LONDON WITH THE LONDON STAR PRESS ONTO BJ!

GOD yes. London covers to win. Gabe says a star making performance for all four and he’s not entirely wrong for once.
***1/4

Match #4: Bryan Danielson vs. Samoa Joe
I fucking LOVED this. Danielson’s been pumped to face Joe since before the last show and he comes out hot. Danielson isn’t afraid to bully someone twice the size of him such as Joe and it adds so much. Joe really hasn’t been fully tested in ROH in a technical wrestling bout, it’s mostly been squashes, tags, or big fights. Danielson takes him to the mat and does some stellar leg work. If you didn’t know any better I think it would be easy to convince someone that Danielson has been wrestling for something like a decade by 2003 instead of only like 36 months or whatever. Joe fights out of the leg work and SELLS like a million bucks and it cuts down his normal “run ‘em down” offense. Joe gets a huge break when he decides to just casually suplex Danielson out of the fucking ring and onto the floor.

And he stays on him with some strikes before sitting him in the corner of the guard rail and…

That guard rail dies every show. And I love it. Danielson has a tremendous comeback once they get back into the ring and he’s got Joe reeling for the first time in his ROH career. He hits Joe with a few rolling elbows but on his final one, Joe ducks and then DESTROYS Danielson with a leaping right knee directly to the temple. Danielson goes down like a bag of meat. Joe hits him with the Island Driver and wins. This is fantastic because not only does it tease a rematch down the line (“Joe was only 3 seconds better” or something), but Gabe puts over how it usually takes multiple finishers to put away Danielson (I hate the way he words it though.) but what he DOESN’T bring up is how Danielson has also kicked out of a bunch of finishers in ROH and all it took was one shot here for him to stay down. Regardless, this rocked.
****

Ugh.

Match #5: The SAT & Ghost Shadow vs. Konnan & Divine Storm
So the story is, Konnan wrestled at Final Battle last month. But it was so bad that the crowd was eviscerating it live, completely hostile, which is rare for an ROH crowd. It was so bad it wasn’t on the original Final Battle release (it later came out on a comp tape I think). They did a tag match this time around to try and hide some of his deficiencies. It’s just incredibly dumb they tried to hide him among four of the worst wrestlers in ROH and a random luchador who’s worse than Konnan. The crowd turns on this as well, and there’s not too great of a chance they even know about the Final Battle incident at this point. To make matters worse, this goes just about 17 minutes and is the second longest match on the show. Gabe is absolutely so dumb sometimes. Fuck this. Konnan wins when he makes Shadow tap to the Tequilia Sunrise.
1/4*

And with that, Konnan’s short ROH run comes to an end.

Match #6: Da Hit Squad vs. Carnage Crew [No Disqualifications]
A pretty sloppy brawl with a few fun spots but it wouldn’t have stood a chance in front of a new crowd who just saw one of the worst matches ever. Definitely not on the level of their summer 2002 match. One thing to note is that a ladder was used and Mack climbs it halfway up to do a dive annnnd..

Owned. Brawl goes on. DHS wins with a super bomb on Loc hrough DeVito on a table.
**

In footage from High Impact TV, Special K have a New Year’s party in the locker room. They race around and do hits of helium. Comic sans text appears on the screen saying to check out Slugga and the K Girls. Why? They pass some drugs around. Next scene they’re all passed out and Slugga carries one of them out of the locker room. Alright.

Match #7: Special K (Deranged, Hydro, Angel Dust, Yeyo & Slugga) vs. Dunn & Marcos/The Outcast Killaz [Handicap Tag Scramble]
This is a mess but a fun mess. There’s no semblance or order to anything and it honestly looks like some twinks and club kids brawling at a house party. Slugga kills the jobber team and stands on Marcos to pin him and win.
*1/2

Backstage, Low Ki and AJ Styles are standing by. Ki says when him and AJ met previously, it was about honor and about the love and respect they both have for this business. Tonight against the Prophecy is about none of that. He reminds us of his three goals in 2003 and the first one happens tonight because he’s going to hurt Xavier.

Match #8: The Prophecy (Daniels/Xavier) vs. Low Ki & AJ Styles [Non-Title No Holds Barred Match]
There’s FINALLY ROH Tag Belts. This was a really good brawl that did a fantastic job of getting across the point that these are two guys who have had their lives made hell by the Prophecy and it was time for retribution. Hence the title of the show! LAUGH! Anywho, my main qualm with this is that it went on for far too long, clocking in just shy of 30 minutes. But, on the good side, Ki & Styles did a tremendous job of beating the shit out of Xavier and cutting off Daniels for long stretches until it finally broke down. The end comes with three fantastic spots. First, Ki downs Xavier in the aisleway and brings back the chunk of cement attached to a post thing that Xavier had used on him. Ki reenacts the same spot for some payback. Back at ringside, Styles hits the Styles Clash on Daniels off the apron through a table. Back at ringside, Ki locks Xavier in the Dragon Clutch THROUGH the ropes — totally legal in this match — and Xavier taps out for a Ki/Styles win. A hoot.
***1/4

Post-match, Daniels appears to be legit hurt or at least shook up as it takes a ton of people to get him up and then carry him in a very awkward manner to the back.

Backstage, Daniels is slouched against a wall on the floor. Allison runs up and says that Xavier was rushed to the hospital they think he’s got some broken ribs. Danger hands him the belts and it wakes Daniels up. He thanks her and says she earned her spot in the Prophecy tonight. He then yells at the camera “YOU HEAR THAT CORINO?! I’VE GOT YOUR SISTER. SO IF YOU WANT A WAR, CAST THE FIRST STONE.”

Not a terrible start to the year and definitely the best show since All Star Extravaganza. But these next few shows coming up are shit kickers so buckle up.