ROH: NIGHT OF THE GRUDGES - 6/14/2003

ROH: NIGHT OF THE GRUDGES

National Guard Amory
Cambridge, MA
June 14th, 2003

ROH World Champion: Samoa Joe (Since 3/22/2002 - 3 Defenses)
ROH Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Amazing Red (Since 3/15/2003 - 2 Defenses)

Backstage, Paul London cuts a pretape and talks about his amazing run lately and how the fans have been behind him. But with that great run has been some bad luck and while he’s won matches he can’t win the big one. Tonight he’s got AJ Styles for the #1 contenders trophy. Last time they faced off for this he came out on top in the three way with Low Ki. And he’s going to win tonight and then win the ROH Title.

Elsewhere, AJ Styles stands by with Alexis Laree. The camera zooms in on his waist revealing the NWA World Championship, a belt he just won 3 days prior on NWA:TNA. He puts over that belt and the ROH Tag Belt and wants to add to his trophy case by winning the contenders trophy then beating Joe for the ROH Title. He reminds Paul at the 3 way in New York, London beat Low Ki, not him, and he won’t beat him tonight either.

Match #1: Carnage Crew vs. Christopher Street Connection
This was awful. Incredibly offensive gimmick aside, the CSC guys are just straight up really bad wrestlers. Plus, this went almost TEN minutes. Absolutely no reason for that whatsoever. CSC are able to avoid the Carnage Driver but then Mace falls victim to DeVito’s moonsault. Crew win.
3/4*

Post-match, the Crew grab CSC’s new valet Ariel, AND THEY HIT HER WITH THE CARNAGE DRIVER! The crowd pops HUGE. They were already into them this whole match but this got a nuclear hot babyface pop. The crowd chants one more time and they set it up but then throw her down and flip the fans off to keep their heel heat. But I feel like a face turn is probably imminent.

Match #2: Matt Stryker vs. Chance Beckett
Beckett shone at the 2003 ECWA Supee 8 tourney, so I guess ROH is doing their due diligence and kicking the tires on him. Them kicking an actual tire may have been more entertaining. This is just two boring wannabe technicians having the most dull match possible as Gabe pounds off on commentary. Stryker wins with the Strykerlock. Who cares. Moving on.
*1/4

John Walters comes out for the next match. Soon after, Angel Dust comes out as the next entrant but his music stops, AND “SNAP YA FINGERS SNAP YA NECK” COMES ON AND JUSTIN CREDIBLE APPEARS TO SUPERKICK DUST’S HEAD OFF. Crowd is SUPER hot for Credible here. He cuts a promo and hits his catchphrases. He’s inserting himself into the next match.

Match #3: Homicide vs. Justin Credible vs. Chris Sabin vs. John Walters [Four Corner Survival Match]
I wrote on Twitter (@phillyleotard0) when this match came up, I was annoyed because sometimes in this ROH watch through, I’ll get a multi man match that is insane to think about in retrospect and it’ll end up whipping ass too. And then sometimes I get stinky smelly pieces of shit like I assumed this match was going to be. It has all the makings of being one: young and kinda green Sabin, boring ass Walters, Cide maybe phoning it in as an off night and Justin Credible probably putting in 100% but the output still being awful. Instead, Sabin and Walters genuinely surprised me, Homicide wrestled like he had a fucking point to prove after losing to Joe, and for Credible’s first non-WWE match in like 2.5 years, his 100% effort actually provided average output for the first time since 1997. Homicide/Walters is thee match up here and honestly I hope they have a singles match at some point. Good mat wrestling as Cide continues his quest to prove he’s more than just a hardcore guy. Sabin is more than fine too, not as green as I expected. Although he’s shaped very weird and looks shorter than usual. I don’t really know this Chris Sabin as I really didn’t even get into TNA until shortly before Christian jumped over. In the end, they avoid the huge mistake of a Credible win (even though the crowd remained super hot for him) but at the expense of having to sit through an elongated segment of just Credible & Walters. But they do the ROH dive sequence where everybody gets their shit in. It comes down to Walters breaking up Cide’s pin on Sabin and they go into one nice last sequence and Cide traps him in his Torture STF to win.
***

Post-match, Homicide talks shit to Joe through the camera. The camera follows Homicide through the curtain and Low Ki is there, again angry about Julius Smokes presence. Homicide says he needs back up, Corino and his people are everywhere and he’s got no one else since Ki’s been hurt. Homicide throws up gang signs and tells Ki he knows what this is. Smokes tells Ki again that he forgot where he came from. Ki says he’s had enough of this and leaves. Cide tries calling out to him but it doesn’t work. Smokes tells Cide they’ll go to the TITTY BAR and he’ll feel better.

The Saints make their entrance to Copa Cabana. Once in the ring, Punk forces Cabana to sit in a chair and stay. Punk grabs a mic and addresses the crowd. He says that what he’s about to say doesn’t really apply to any of the people out there sitting on their hands instead of throwing up the X, and he wants to talk to HIS people right now, his soldiers who have the balls to be drug free and alcohol free. He lets Boston know that those people throwing up the X’s are BETTER THAN YOU! He addresses the camera and tells the audience at home to put your hand on the screen right now, because he's speaking from his heart. He knows about being outcast and shunned from an early age, he’s just like Martin Luther King Jr and Malcom X and everyone else they want to get rid of and can't, he'll take the minority on his back. Interesting to note Punk was getting booed the whole time until this Boston sports crowd heard MLK and Malcolm X and then they booed louder. Hmm. Anyway, Punk says that he is a thorn in the side of a poisoned America (🎶I’m not a part of the redneck agenda🎶.) Punk urges all of his soldiers to be proud. Because just like last time they were in Boston, he will destroy the icon that started a revolution 10 years ago. The difference being that today, this is CM PUNK’s revolution and his revolution will destroy that of Raven's!

Raven comes out with a mic and he says last time he was here, he was happy, he was  even jovial. But now, he's miserable and he's brought all his hate & loathing with him here tonight. He stands up out of the corner and a crowd member/Punk supporter yells "FUCK YOU RAVEN!" which then causes a LOUD Raven chant that pisses Punk off, and he sells it like a million bucks, like a territory heel.

Cool shot. Raven welcomes Punk to Raven's Clockwork Orange House of Fun. Quoth the Raven, nevermore.

Match #4: Second City Saints vs. Raven/BJ Whitmer [No DQ Match]
This was really good. My main issue with it is either these four kept forgetting it was No DQ, or it was just booked to be that oblivious, I’m not sure. The match starts as a normal tag before they go to the floor and into the crowd. Raven bloodies Punk up good. But then suddenly they’re back to running tag spots in the ring and a really long control segment on Whitmer with Raven just waiting on the apron. Why? It’s no DQ! The story of this is good. Colt is basically a big dumb brute who fucks up occasionally and he’s under Punk’s control. One awesome moment comes where Punk hits a Running Face Wash. Cabana points to himself, indicating he wants to do it, but then he changes his mind when Punk goes to whip him and Cabana ends up whipping an unprepared Punk WHO DOES A HAMRICK BUMP THROUGH THE MIDDLE AND BOTTOM ROPE. CLEAN AS FUCK.

This allows Whitmer to make a brief comeback and get the hot tag to Raven. Raven beats the fuck out of Colt, Punk is back up and Raven FINALLY makes Punk eat an Evenflow and he has it win but Cabana breaks it up at the last possible second. BJ then hits Colt with the Exploder and has it won but there’s a ref bump and Punk is able TO HIT A CHAIR ASSISTED SHINING WIZARD ON BJ! He drags Cabana on top of BJ, but there’s no ref still. Raven was working on reviving the ref and the ref climbs in to count and it almost backfired on Raven as he realized what was going on in the ring so he breaks up the pin. Punk goes after Raven again and Cabana hits Whitmer with the Colt 45 to get the big win.
***1/2

Post-match, the Saints aren’t done and they double team Raven following a cheap shot from behind by Punker. Cabana sets up a table and puts Raven on it. Punk goes up top, and Whitmer starts crawling to the corner but he’s too beat up to stop Punk in time. Scarily, Punk slips as he dives and instead of hitting a diving leg drop he essentially does Kevin Sullivan’s double stomp directly through the table. Like he missed it bad enough that the camera even catches Raven rolling over and checking on Punk before Punk gives the all good. Anyway, Cabana helps Punk up and a fired up Punk shoves Cabana in a joyous manner, saying he told him they were better than them. Raven is convulsing on the floor randomly. Cabana scratches his head and seems to be perplexed but then agrees with Punk and they head to the back.

At intermission, GMC is backstage with Matt Stryker, whom he calls bro but then laughs and corrects it to brow. LAUGH. Again, I ask, is GMC supposed to have been a heel this whole time? Stryker laughs it off and wonders if the power of the brow is helping him win. He then talks about his string of wins and blah blah blah. He leaves but then Prince Nana walks in! GMC is surprised and Nana laughs saying his return was inevitable. He drones on for a bit too and unfortunately we have to see him wrestle. Just get to the Embassy already.

Match #5: Prince Nana vs. Diablo Santiago
Total squash. Nana was built like a fucking tank, like a 1980’s Crockett low carder who was a brute. But he also wears really high up tights and he’s basically Rikishi’ing it up. Anyway, this is more words than this needed. Nana is not a good wrestler. But he wins.
1/2*

Post-match, Tortuga gets in to check on his partner and Nana beats him down and hits a running back senton on him.

Match #6: The SAT vs. Special K (Dixie/Mikey Whipwreck)
This is the first time in ROH Mikey hasn’t had a hat or a wave cap on, and he looks really sweaty and out of shape. But like everything else with Special K, I’ll say it adds to the bit because this is exactly how an out of shape older man would look like trying to keep up with 18 year ecstasy dealers.  Also HEY, WHEN ARE WE GONNA KNOCK THIS SAT SHIT OFF. This was ten of the longest minutes ever. It wasn’t BAD, but it was a mess and all over the place. Dixie gets concussed early on, Mikey is broken down and washed, and the SAT continue to be two of the worst wrestlers ever. They kill off the Whippersnapper as a finish with a lame kick out and SAT hit a Doomsday Device DDT on the still out of Dixie to win. Sloppy shop.
*1/4

Post-match, Special K all gang up on the SAT. Red is out injured and everyone else is gone (thank god) so they have no one. Surprisingly, the Carnage Crew make the save! The numbers are still in Special K’s favor, that is, UNTIL JUSTIN CREDIBLE RUNS OUT AND SUPERKICKS MIKEY AS A CALLBACK TO A VERY PAINFULLY AVERAGE FEUD THEY ONCE HAD. Credible helps the Crew clear house and DeVito gets on the mic and says the newest member of the Crew ISN’T JUST THE COOLEST, HE ISN’T JUST THE BEST…HE’S FROM CALGARY…ALBERTA…CANADA! JUSTIN CREDIBLE!

Match #7: AJ Styles vs. Paul London [#1 Contd’rs Trophy]
AJ Styles was a natural from his very first ROH appearance. But watching Paul London’s evolution over roughly the last twelve months has been a treat. From being in the bottom half of the TWA group to surpassing everyone, including Danielson, in popularity is astounding. Not to mention, he just found a way to keep getting better in ring. He’s naturally talented but they’ve put him in there consistently with the right guys since the Shane feud. Walk with me here, friends: London got signed by WWE too soon. Their developmental stifled his development. If London has another year to really work his identity out on the independents, he walks into WWE a better wrestler and probably has a far more successful run. I’m not saying he’d have a Danielson or Punk run in the fed. But I don’t think it’s out of the realm of reason to see him get a longer test as a singles guy like Spanky got instead. Who knows.

But back to the match, it rocks. I’m not as high on it as other people, mostly because while I *get* the politics behind the result, it doesn’t mean I have to like it. Basically, AJ just won the NWA World Title three days prior. That title had been through hell the previous decade, and the last thing the NWA was gonna want as it was re-establishing credibility since the launch of TNA is their new champion to take a pinfall loss to an indie guy on a show with 600 people at it. Just wasn’t going to happen. So again, I get it. But it fucks with the result of the match. Now, there’s not a #1 contender, and instead of doing a three way dance or whatever, London just randomly gets the title match at DBD because he signs with WWE and it was his going away celebration. I don’t know if London was already signed by THIS show. If he was, then I really have to question the idea of making this for the #1 contenders trophy when it could’ve just been a grudge match since it had built to that, and London could’ve lost easily. Considering you give the title shot to Maff at the next show anyway, you could’ve had London then face someone else for the #1 contenders trophy at WrestleRave to earn the DBD shot, but whatever. This isn’t a fantasy booking blog no matter how much I want it to be.

Again, back to the match. So yeah, not a fan of the result, but the rest of the match was STELLAR. AJ does a great job at building the already growing tension between the two up with some of his incredible mat work, and frustration being shown by both men when they can’t get one up on the other. London heels it up a bit with a lot of teased handshakes, really getting into AJ’s head, and it allows him to sneak in a cheap shot at one point. London begins working like he really is superior to Styles, like he’s the fucking shit, and then he gets frustrated even more when Styles finally starts getting the upper hand on him. London does some awesome work on Styles knee, and Styles selling is admittedly spotty but not the most offensive case of bad selling in this ROH project, not even close. AJ has to start really digging deep into his arsenal of moves to stay alive in this match, and while it starts to do the trick on wearing London down, each big move fucks with his knee more and more. London keeps resorting back to the knee work, like a serial killer picking up a trait from one of his victims, ala Gus Fring and namely, Bryan Danielson. Again, I hate the result, but the finish to get there is at least creative. Styles is on the comeback trail and he hits a dragon suplex and bridges for the pin on a KO’d London, but as he bridges, the bad knee buckles. With a KO’d London on top of a very hurt Styles, both men’s shoulders are down and a double pin is counted. Nice.
***3/4

Post-match, the crowd chants for five more minutes but the request is not granted. London shakes AJ’s hand and raises his arm, a sign that the hatchet is buried. AJ then gets a much deserved standing ovation from the crowd as London walks to the back, dejected.

For the next match, Samoa Joe debuts (at least on ROH) the complete look he’d carry as he became a star in TNA. Black and red tights, necklace, high boots with kick pads and the towel. And it seems like the last of the blonde is out of his hair too. It’s like him finally saying the “I AM SAMOA JOE. AND I AM PRO WRESTLING” line last month was the trigger phrase for him to evolve into one of the GOATs.

Match #8: The Prophecy (Christopher Daniels, Donovan Morgan & Dan Maff) vs. The Group (Samoa Joe, CW Anderson & Michael Shane) [Losing Team Must Disband]
Gabe makes a great, crucial point on commentary that the only man in this match whose job is 100% safe right now is Joe as the champ because the losing team does not only have to disband but they could very well lose their future ROH bookings. This feud ended up being such a disappointment, man. I get that Corino was starting to get much more important work over in Japan, but fuck. That happening does allow, however, Joe’s rise to happen and happen quick without having to play second to Corino. Every rose has its thorn I guess. Gross. This is also the end, from what I can see, for Donovan Morgan (YEAH!), CW Anderson (eh) and Michael Shane (that one’s a bit of a bummer, never thought I’d say that) and so rightfully so, the only people to really get any shine in this match at Daniels, Joe and Maff. The crowd is really continuing to get behind Daniels and will eventually turn him face. Daniels is great in here with all three Group members. Match slows to a crawl when Morgan has to face anyone but Joe. Maff continues to impress and get better, and has a REALLY fun segment with Joe here to keep that going. Maff gets isolated and his jaw gets worked over after it was “broken” by Joe last show. Daniels gets a hot tag and starts fucking WORKING, baby. Let’s go. Match breaks down and it eventually gets to Joe/Maff again. Joe is ABUSING the shit out of Maff with those slaps and knee strikes of his. BUT MAFF AVOIDS ONE KNEE, DOUBLE LEGS JOE AND FLOATS OVER WITH A JACKKNIFE PIN ON JOE, AND MAFF WINS. JOE LOSES TO A FLASH, FLUKE PIN FALL YET AGAIN, AND THE GROUP IS DEAD.
***1/4

Joe CANNOT believe it. I fucking love that finish. Makes Maff, keeps the story going of Joe only getting beat on flash pins, and the Prophecy kills off the Group. And it automatically gives us a de facto #1 contender in lieu of the draw of London/Styles.

For some reason, after this main event, we get clips of a showcase match from before the main card of new Special K member Lit against a big beefed up douche bag looking motherfucker named Jimmy Jack Cash. Cash wins the match. He’s got a huge HGH gut.

We then see clips of Special K (now with Becky Bayless!!!!!) going against Dunn & Marcos and their partner…Boston native and head of the Killer Kowalski gym, some dude named Slyk Wagner Brown? And he’s accompanied by…former nWo girl April Hunter? Wtf. Slyk is fucking OVER with the Bostonians though. He looks like Chilly Willy and 2009 Shelton Benjamin had a kid. Whatever. I don’t care about this. Special K win. And by getting the pin, Angel Dust advances to the four way later (the one Credible attacked him before and replaced him in lmao).

Now we go backstage in real time. Daniels puts over the Prophecy’s defining victory over the Group. He says he is still in the hunt for Joe and the belt but because Maff stepped up the very first time he was called upon, he should get a shot first at Joe. And if he wins the belt it’s a victory for all because the Prophecy will hold it again. And if somehow Joe escapes with the belt, then he has to answer to the Fallen Angel. The Prophecy get ready to leave but Raven comes in and asks Daniels to talk privately. Raven tells Daniels he’s a big fan of his work and he’s got a favor to ask. He needs someone as manipulative and diabolical as him to stand with him on the next show in two weeks against CM Punk and Colt Cabana. Daniels says it's an intriguing proposition and he thinks about it. He also compliments Raven’s work. An annoyed Raven says not to turn this into a mutual blowjob society, so is he in or out. Daniels says he's in!

Elsewhere, an angry Joe says he made the bet and he pays the price. Joe says the Prophecy thinks he won’t have the support to fight them off anymore. But they’re wrong. He tells Maff to sleep well with that jaw, and says who did that? He did. All by himself. He’s caught Joe’s attention, and he gets his title shot in two weeks. He hears Maff, and now, he will be silenced. HE IS SAMOA JOE. AND HE IS PRO WRESTLING.

And finally, Special K get Slugga to intimidate the sound guy so they can party and rave in the arena. They start raving to techno with the lights, and the Carnage Crew & Credible pop up and attack all of them with weapons. DeVito and Loc basically repeat their promo from earlier about Credible joining them. Credible says he’s here to work out his anger of 2 years of being tied up in WWE and 3 years of being held back in ECW (fucking WHAT? 3 years of WHAT in ECW? Did I hear that right you fucking peanut brain? Paul E literally sacrificed every major fucking star to you and you still couldn’t get over, you fucking ha—you know what. No.)

IN TWO WEEKS: COLLYER/STRYKER III; CREW/SPECIAL K; JOE/MAFF; SAINTS/RAVEN + DANIELS!

ROH: DO OR DIE - 5/31/2003

ROH: DO OR DIE

Murphy Rec Center
Philadelphia, PA
May 31st, 2003

ROH World Champion: Samoa Joe (Since 3/22/2002 - 2 Defenses)
ROH Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Amazing Red (Since 3/15/2003 - 2 Defenses)

ROH/FWA held a joint show in between the last ROH show and this. Joe defended the title there, thus giving the ROH Title its World Title status. I will not review that show for this project because it is an FWA promoted show with ROH talent and also because it looks like a smelly piece of shit.

Backstage, we see Homicide with Julius Smokes smoking a fat blunt. Homicide says 10 years ago he wasn't Homicide, he was a gangster named D. He robbed, he stole, he got locked up, he did everything you can imagine. In 1996, he had one of the best moments of his life when he had his son, Nelson Jr. Back in 1994, he could have had a scholorship with the U, but he was hard in them streets, selling drugs, running with a gang and just surviving. Now he has to make sacrifice. Miami is gone.  And now, Samoa Joe has what he wants. It's the #1 belt in this company and that means a lot of money. He can't get a job because of the scars he has, and people think he's still too hardcore, but tonight he's gonna be the next ROH champion. He'll do ANYTHING to win that belt. Today is Do or Die. He's from Bed Stuy, so he KNOWS DO OR DIE. HE AIN'T DYING. THE NOTORIOUS 187, THE NEW CHAMPION. LET THE GATES OF HELL OPEN. BBDAAAT BBDAAAT YEAH YEAH YEAH MY FLESH MY FLESH MY BLOOD MY BLOOD.

Elsewhere, a special camera courtesy of Special K called the “Are you hizzigh?” Cam is filming them partying backstage. They say something about needing a bigger place to rave. They go upstairs to try and get into the arena area but the ring crew force them out.

UPDATED CONTENDER RANKINGS:
#1: Homicide
#2: Christopher Daniels
#3: Paul London
#4: Low Ki
#5: CM Punk

On commentary with Gabe tonight is CM PUNK FUCK YEAH.

ROH HAS RETIRED THE PLASTIC FENCE GUARDRAIL. The best seller in the company in its first 16 months of existence. RIP.

Match #1: Dan Maff vs. BJ Whitmer
Man they make it PITCH BLACK now when wrestlers have their entrances. Uninspired but totally harmless stuff here. Good to give Maff a chance to shine as a singles guy. BJ is better here than he’s been yet on the singles stage. Some fun drops by Maff and BJ sells well. No real story or psychology here. Just a match. And that’s fine. BJ goes up top and Maff has the ref distracted allowing Danger to slip in and crotch BJ up top. Maff gets up and picks BJ up off the corner and hits the Burning Hammer to win.
**1/4

Post-match, Julius Smokes comes out. He’s holding the shirt Maff threw on Homicide two months ago. Smokes tells Maff he forgot where he came from and asks why he’d turn his back on Homicide like that. He also very excitedly calls Maff a word I cannot repeat ever. And that enrages Maff. BUT NOW LOW KI COMES OUT WITH HIS ARM IN A SLING. I guess that explains his recent absences.

Maff bails to the floor as Ki gets in the ring. Low Ki tells Maff he sees him now. He sees him as a little boy wanting to prove he’s a man. Ki asks Maff if he realizes what he’s done. Maff yells from the floor that he got ahead and he wants to make money. Ki says what he’s done is guaranteed that one day it’ll be him vs. Low Ki, and if Maff chooses to wear Prophecy colors at that time, may god have mercy on his soul. Maff leaves, and Ki immediately switches focus to say AS FAR AS JULIUS SMOKES GOES, HE’S STANDING IN A RING THAT IS FOR RING OF HONOR NOT THUG LIFE. Ki says the streets don’t belong here and neither does Smokes. Smokes takes his shirt off and he’s ready to have it out with Low Ki.

Homicide runs out to try and keep the peace between the two of them. Low Ki says tonight is a very important night for Homicide’s career. It’s a night for him to finally get the credit he deserves. He needs to stay focused, but to do so, he needs to get Julius Smokes out of ROH, AND HE GETS IN SMOKES FACE. Homicide again keeps the peace and Ki leaves. BUT THEN FROM THE CROWD, TRENT ACID SLIDES IN AND NAILS HOMICIDE WITH A YAKUZA KICK! Gabe says that Acid and Homicide have been feuding over the BJW Junior Heavyweight Title, and Homicide recently showed up on a CZW show to attack Trent Acid, and now Acid’s done the same here tonight on the worst possible night for it to happen to Homicide!

So from what I can gather, Do or Die is and essentially becomes more so later, a proving ground show for a lot of talent not currently signed to ROH or maybe newly signed. In later years, it looks like Do or Die is its own stand alone show that strictly has unsigned/unproven guys wrestling each other or wrestling ROH guys. Tonight, the first edition, it appears that these matches occurred with the lights on before the show started. We’re shown clips of Slugga/Hydro facing Dunn & Marcos.

Oh no. This piece of shits back. And he’s coming out to a techno version of “Speak Softly my Love (Theme from the Godfather)”.

Match #2: Tony Mamaluke vs. Jason Cross
I don’t care. I don’t care about any of this. Gabe really fucking loved Tony Mamaluke and it’s just baffling to me. Jason Cross is a Wildside guy who’s done some TNA stuff, too. Mamaluke wins with a guillotine choke.
3/4*

Backstage, Convicted Sex Offender Rob Feinstein is talking to the camera when Iceberg walks up, telling Rob he appreciates the chance to work here tonight. When he turns around, we see that he’s got ROH spelled in his big thick forehead with thumbtacks. Okay. Outcast Killaz walk on bitching again about not having a spot so Rob tells one of them to go fight Iceberg tonight.

Match #3: Iceberg vs. Oman Tortuga
Oh brother this stunk. When Iceberg was in the bunkhouse riot match I thought, hey, seems like a fine big man brawler. But I was WRONG. He can barely move and Gabe says on commentary he’s nearing 600 pounds. This goes all of 3 minutes and he wins with a running back senton.
1/4*

Post-match, the crowd chants DON’T COME BACK at Iceberg. Tortuga’s partner comes in to check on him and Iceberg beats him down too. He then pulls out a prison shiv and goes to get stabbed but the RCX run out and chase Iceberg away.

We see clips of earlier today with Alexis Laree in a rematch against Persephone. And Persephone actually won this time.

Match #4: Matt Stryker vs. Tom Carter
This is the second or third time you’re asking Stryker to go out there and fill twenty minutes and he just doesn’t have it in him. Not saying he never will, but right now it seems detrimental to keep putting him in these positions unless you’re going to test him out against guys like Dragon or Williams who can go that long like it’s nothing.

The former Reckless Youth isn’t that guy. I get he was like one of three indie darlings in the 90s, which given the state of the indies then doesn’t say much to me, but he’s not going to be who I rely on to go out there and have a 20 minute technical wrestling match with another guy who is still fairly new. This isn’t an awful match, but it is long and dull, and sometimes that can be almost just as bad. Stryker is positioned to be an indie technician but some of his matches come across like he only knows what he saw Chris Benoit or Kurt Angle do on TV that week, and he’s trying to emulate it. There’s no real passion or meaning behind any of it.

Some people need to trace a photo to make a good picture, others can draw from memory. Stryker is the former, at least night now, and definitely when he has to rely on his own device against a mostly washed mid 90’s indie guy who’s grasping to his last moments of name value by…well, changing his name, which may have been the only thing of value left on him. End of the match sees Carter going for the Kondo Clutch but Stryker reverses into an inside cradle for a moderately sized upset, but nothing more. Gabe is happier on commentary than anyone in the crowd is. The match gets a respectful golf clap. But nobody really cares, because they haven’t been given a reason to care.
*3/4

Post match, GMC comes out and puts both men over for the match. Carter won’t shake Stryker’s hand. Carter snatches the mic from GMC and says that ending stinks. He was robbed of his tap out finish by that cheap pin. He calls Stryker “boy” and says he doesn't know who he is. He says he is Tom Carter. Reckless Youth, the king of the independents, OMG. He's a man that created this style that all the MARKS in the locker room stole from HIM. ROH gives him a shitty lil four way survival match on his debut and then he gets cheated of his tap out win here tonight. He talks trash on all the marks, smarks, smart marks and wannabe bookers. Okay let’s wrap this up. He then challenges Stryker to a tap out match to do this right and Stryker accepts…if he shakes his hand right now.

BUT ALLISON DANGER COMES OUT. Danger tells Carter not to shake his hand…BECAUSE CHRISTOPHER DANIELS IS REQUESTING HIS PRESENCE. Carter thinks about it but then turns and shakes Stryker’s hand and breezes past Danger. Pointless seg but I dug the idea of The Prophecy sending out a recruitment team whenever they hear someone voice displeasure with ROH.

Punk is off commentary for the next match.

After the entrances for the next match, just as the match is starting, Gabe throws it backstage because something is happening.

Backstage, Samoa Joe approaches GMC and the camera and says to follow him if he wants a scoop. GMC gleefully follows along and Joe walks into a locker room. We see Dan Maff sitting there and JOE RUNS AND SENDS A KNEE HARD INTO MAFF’S FACE! Maff is on the floor and holding his jaw, seemingly badly hurt. GMC yells to get help and Joe leaves by saying to not EVER sneak up on him again (referring to last month).

Match #5: Second City Saints vs. The Briscoes vs. Carnage Crew vs. Special K (Izzy/Dixie) [Tag Scramble]
They immediately cut back to the match but like at the EXACT second they had cut away, so it didn’t give the impression like we missed any action. Kind of a weird choice. This was fun though! The Briscoes really shone, the Saints were good, Carnage Crew were solid and Special K were flashy. They fucked up once on a botched dive but it kind of works for the gimmick I suppose. As long as it doesn’t hurt anybody when it happens, I really don’t care. Briscoes really get to beat people up with some dives and good, solid throws. Briscoes/Saints work well together and I know they square off later in the year/next year so I’m looking forward to that. Finish comes when Cabana hits Dixie with the Colt 45, AND PUNK HITS IZZY WITH THE PEPSI PLUNGE DOWN ON TO THE LAID OUT DIXIE MY GOODNESS. Saints win.
***

Post-match, the Saints quibble a bit with the Crew before shaking hands on the floor. Same with the Briscoes. Punk grabs the mic and goes on to cut another promo of a fucking lifetime.

"What you just saw are the first two casualties in a revolution! I'm gonna get these pieces of trash out of MY ring right now, but before I do, I've got one simple thing I'd like to tell them. Deranged! Izzy! CONGRATULATIONS KIDS! STRAIGHT EDGE MEANS I'M BETTER THAN YOU!"

Punk shakes the hands of the KO'd Special K guys before throwing them out.

"I used to think I was alone in this world, but every time I come to Philly, I look out and I see some independent thinkers that are just like me. I see those disenfranchised with how the world works. You see when I walk out and throw up the X, I see people just like me are in this crowd. Let me see those X's! Oh some of you might hate what I believe in. But look around, those people throwing up the X are drug free, alcohol free, and they are better than you. The rest of you are weak! You depend on a pill or maybe smoke a little weed to get through your lives. Yeah, come on, who here smokes weed? Cheer for weed! I'll take the responsibility here for birthing the minority, I AM THE VOICE OF THE VOICELESS! Those of you who didn't cheer, you are my soldiers. This is my revolution, and you....you, Raven, almost 10 years ago, started a revolution of your own. But those who sip from your Kool-Aid, where are they at right now? Oh look, here's one right now!"

Punk then looks over and points out ECW Hat Guy, who is sitting in the front row.

"10 years ago, you followed Raven down a path of drugs and debauchery, and where are you now? Wearing that same ratty ass hat and a stupid ass shirt, paying to see ME wrestle! LET ME SEE THE X's! THAT IS THE YOUTH OF TODAY! Those who throw up the X's, those are my soldiers, THAT is the youth of today, and on June 28th, right back here in Philly, we're going to be across the ring from each other again, Raven, my revolution is going to destroy yours!"

Cabana, who had been trying to get the mic away from Punk to calm him down, finally grabs it and says he knows what will cheer everyone up and that is TO GET ON THE BOAT THE CABANA BOAT! He asks who’s with him, and Lucy dances and says she’s with him! This makes Colt blush and he sheepishly asks Lucy if she’ll be his girlfriend? She says she can’t be. And when he asks why not, some guy in the crowd yells “SHE LIKES CHICKS!” and whatever Lucy said back was kind of muffled.

Punk grabs the mic back and reminds the crowd THAT HE IS CM PUNK, HE IS STRAIGHT EDGE, AND THAT MEANS HE’S BETTER THAN YOU! “Copacabana” plays and Punk screams at Cabana what is up with the fucking music and Cabana just dances. Hopefully these two never have a falling out!

Backstage, GMC is standing by with BJ Whitmer to talk to him about his bad luck. But before he can really talk, Christopher Daniels walks up pissed off screaming that Maff just got taken to the hospital with a broken jaw and he’s pissed, this will not stand. Whitmer interrupts and asks what’s the deal with Danger getting involved in his match earlier? Daniels says it’s unfortunate for BJ that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Fire with fire. But this is the type of hypocrisy that is Ring of Honor. There’s this Code of Honor but apparently it’s okay that their champion Samoa Joe attacks a defenseless man while he’s changing his clothes. Daniels tells BJ that maybe when his luck changes, he’ll bring him into the fold of the Prophecy. But in the meantime, he tells GMC to deliver a message for him. Tonight, after the show, he wants Joe to face him in the empty arena after all of the fans leave. HE WANTS JOE IN AN EMPTY ARENA MATCH TONIGHT! And after he beats his ass tonight, the next time they meet, he’ll take his title.

Match #6: John Walters vs. Andy Anderson
Walters is okay but nothing incredible. I didn’t like much of anything from Anderson. This is being dubbed a tryout match for both men. A few minutes in, Punk returns to “commentary” and asks who the hell these two are. He brags about his promo and says he’s got another match to go tonight when he faces Daniels, Rave & Kazarian in a four way. Gabe also announces that in two months, it’ll be Raven/BJ vs. Punk/Cabana but Punk isn’t worried. Anyway, Gabe goes back to jacking himself off to these two bland ass tech guys and the crowd couldn’t care less. Anderson wins with a whirly bird and I don’t mean the LBJ trick.
*1/4

During entrances, I should note, Daniels is starting to get substantially more of a babyface pop these last two shows.

Match #7: Christopher Daniels vs. CM Punk vs. Frankie Kazarian vs. Jimmy Rave [Four Corners Survival Match]
I don’t really understand why, so often, ROH double books guys like this. Like hey cool I’m fine with getting two Punk matches in a show. But it seems to happen alot without any rhyme or reason. This match could’ve been better. The main issue is that Rave is still a little wet behind the ears, and Frankie Kazarian is not a good wrestler. But the Daniels/Punk parts break through and they tease a lot of future interaction throughout the match. Daniels works like he has something to prove against Punk and while he stays on top of him he never really quite one ups him. Daniels/Kaz is the pairing for the finishing run and it’s whatever. Daniels pins Kaz after the Last Rites.
**

Post-match, Daniels grabs a mic and tells all three men to hang around a second. He says since Steve Corino put together his Group, he's been on the hunt for people to join The Prophecy. Those who feel like he feels, and he says that there are 3 prime candidates right here.

He says he saw Frankie at the ECWA Super 8 and he also saw him kick ass tonight, and he almost got him a few times, and it was very impressive. He looks over at Rave and says that he saw Jimmy Rave take one hell of a beating tonight and he still came back to show fire and heart, and that is very impressive. The crowd cheers for Rave and he looks legit moved and that just has me sad now.

And as far as CM Punk goes…BUT PUNK IMMEDIATELY GETS IN DANIELS FACE. Daniels says that it is time to talk. A fan then yells something from the crowd and it sounds like the same fan who yelled the lesbian joke at Daffney earlier. Daniels turns and calls him an asshole and says if he wants any shit from him he’ll scrape his tongue and there’s a reason why he’s got a microphone and he’s in the last row.

But back to Punk. There's a lot about him that he likes. He's from Chicago, just like he is (legit had no idea Daniels was a Chicago guy). He says Punk knows how to kick ass, just like he does. The most important thing he thinks is impressive is that he follows his own set of rules, his own code. In fact, he has one question for him…what would he say if he offered him membership in the Prophecy RIGHT NOW?

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Punk gets on the mic and says MAYBE…he would say he can smell the fear coming off of him. MAYBE he would let him know that he looks into Chris Daniels eyes and he sees wheels turning and Daniels sees Punk and his Second City Saints surpassing his Prophecy in 3 months time. MAYBE he would say…that he's afraid to wrestle CM Punk one on one in an ROH ring!

Hypothetically speaking, he does respect him. But ever since he was a little Punker, everyone has pushed things on him to get him to do things he swore he’d never, ever do. So…not hypothetically, but really…Yeah, he'll join under one condition…

HE'LL JOIN THE PROPHECY IF CHRISTOPHER DANIELS SHAKES HIS HAND RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW.

Punk says then somewhere down the line, DANIELS IS A DEAD MAN. Punk leaves and Daniels grabs the mic again to say that indeed, somewhere down the line, he's gonna drop him like a bag of dirt. And that is not a threat. That is not a promise. That is the GOSPEL, according to the Fallen Angel.

Fucking loved this segment. It was like David Koresh and Jim Jones having a meeting and realizing they are so similar that they hate one another. I love Raven and the Punk/Raven feud, but this Daniels/Punk feud feels substantially bigger in the ROH realm. Daniels has been one of, if we’re being honest, two actual top guys since the beginning (Dragon isn’t around enough in these early years) and Daniels has now not only acknowledged Punk’s existence, but pretty much put him over as an equal. And they’ve only just begun.

The next match is happening because two months ago, Special K wanted to challenge the Backseats. Carnage Crew and Dunn & Marcos did as well. So a triple threat scramble was held with the winners facing the Backseats tonight. Although hilariously, this was not the Special K team that won that Scramble. But whatever.

Match #8: The Backseat Boyz vs. Special K (Slim J/Jody Fleisch)
Gabe invents bastardizing the term “dream match” by labeling this one. I hate him. This was…something. A lot of involvement from the other Special K guys. Kind of nothing really going on in the ring but commentary is still treating this like it’s supposed to be a big deal. Kashmere does a dive onto all of Special K on the floor. They brawl into the crowd. Again, where’s those code of honor rules? Special K pulls a large scaffold up from the back corner. Slim J and Jody climb it and, good lord:

Jody very seriously injures his knee here. Slugga has to start physically carrying people back to the ring. Jody tries to tough the knee injury out but hurts himself further when he tries to go up top and falls to the canvas. This was all a shoot, the injury stuff, not some incredible selling. Which makes the next part crazy. His knee is busted so instead of hitting the finish on J, the Backseats hit the T-Gimmick on Jody to win. Feels unnecessary and the match as a whole was sloppy as hell. This is the type of match that people point to during this era of indie wrestling and trash it sadly.
*1/4

This match essentially ended Fleisch’s career. He worked one more match in England a month later trying to test the knee out and couldn’t do it. He ends up retiring for the next two years between the knee and some personal issues. He wrestles right around two dozen matches over the 18 month period that followed before retiring again for another 8 years. What a bummer.

Match #9: Samoa Joe (c) vs. Homicide [ROH World Championship]
This was WAY better than their 2002 match. It was Joe’s first truly great defense of the title, and it helped legitimize Homicide as a top guy even further. There’s a bit of story here since Homicide is one of three guys to ever beat Joe in ROH but much like Danielson he was only able to get it done with a fluke pin. Homicide tries to find ways to get back to that point again but each time he does Joe fights back harder and stiffer. And boy howdy was this a stiff fight. Both guys are kicking ass, I think it goes a near perfect amount of time. Not much for me to disagree on in terms of pacing or the ideas they attempt. This just felt like a natural fit to have happen right now in this moment between Joe’s rise and Homicide’s feud with The Group/Corino. Big spot comes when Homicide sends Joe through a table on the outside with a tope con hilo and it feels like the tide is turning but Joe makes a comeback and gets the Choke on. Low Ki comes out to hype up Homicide and even slaps him in the face, AND HOMICIDE STARTS FIRING UP HIS COMEBACK! He really starts laying in the shots and hits a brutal looking brain buster that sends Joe to the floor in A LOT of pain. His face is like immediately swelling up. That can’t be good. Refs are all out to check on him and he eventually gives the okay, so Homicide brings him back in and now they have to rush to a finish. Up top, Joe battles with Cide but it looks like he can barely see. And SOMEHOW, they still manage to pull off a SUPER MUSCLE BUSTER off the top for Joe to win and retain.
***1/2

Post-match, Ki and Smokes argue a bit on the floor before getting in to check on Homicide. Ki kneels at Homicide’s side and Joe grabs the belt and goes over. He crouches down and makes sure he’s in Low Ki’s eye line and they DO NOT break their stare, even as Joe lifts Homicide’s hand up to shake it. Joe backs out of the ring with the title raised and Ki stares him down. Cide eventually comes to and is near tears, saying he almost fucking had him.

Backstage, Joe talks to the camera and the whole left side of his face is swollen, his eye is almost completely shut. He says this is just a small sample size of what it takes to be ROH World Champion. And now that Christopher Daniels has decided to continue this war he will do everything in his power to end it. HE IS SAMOA JOE. HE IS PRO WRESTLING. AND HE IS YOUR RING OF HONOR WORLD CHAMPION.

Back out in the arena, the fans are gone and Daniels is sitting on the top turnbuckle nervously waiting Joe. Danger suggests to rethink this and he tells her to shut up, and he starts yelling for Joe. AND JOE COMES DARTING OUT OF THE BACK, AND HE SENDS THE CHAIRS IN THE CROWD FLYING IN AN INCREDIBLE GODZILLA-ESQUE VISUAL. He slides in and they immediately get into one of those roll around punch brawls that lasts for about 30 seconds until the ring crew and wrestlers from the back come out to break it up. Not sure what the full plan was but if there was to be more to this I am assuming it changed after Joe’s face injury. Daniels gets drug to the back saying this won’t happen when he gets his title shot. The camera pans back to Joe coming out of the ring and JESUS his eye is completely swollen shut now. He looks at the camera and says the fun is just getting started.

Backstage, we see Daniels getting dragged into a locker room kicking and screaming. He screams at everyone to get the fuck away from him and he slams the door shut. He tells the camera that he hopes ROH is happy because they’re getting what they wanted. He says next month is being called the Night of the Grudges and it couldn’t be more apropos. He wants Corino’s Group in a six man tag. He says that the war is just getting started but then a few seconds later says the Prophecy will end this in Boston. And looking ahead, this is the end. And Steve Corino hasn’t been around in four months lmao.

IN TWO WEEKS: RAVEN/WHITMER vs. PUNK/CABANA! STYLES/LONDON! PROPHECY vs. THE GROUP!

ROH: RETRIBUTION - ROUND ROBIN CHALLENGE II - 4/26/2003

ROH: RETRIBUTION - ROUND ROBIN CHALLENGE II

CCAC South Campus
West Mifflin, PA
April 26th, 2003

ROH Champion: Samoa Joe (Since 3/22/2002 - 1 Defenses)
ROH Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Amazing Red (Since 3/15/2003 - 2 Defenses)

The show starts with another Prophecy pretape. Donovan Morgan finally decided to show up, I see. How unfortunate. Daniels talks about how the last time ROH came to Pittsburgh, the Prophecy held all the cards. But by the end of that night, they were set up and beaten into a pulp, beaten so bad they named the show “Revenge on the Prophecy”. But tonight is the Prophecy’s night of retribution. Donovan Morgan speaks up and asks what the deal with ROH is anyway? He decided to show up tonight for the paycheck but sorry he’s got a better paying full time job in NOAH wrestling all time greats. He doesn’t care about this Pure Wrestling 4-way in tonight but he’s gonna win it to prove a point. Daniels says that the Group is now the dominating faction in ROH with Samoa Joe as the champion. He tells Joe that there’s no elaborate scheme or mind games here: he’s coming for him and the title. And Corino better not get in his way. He blames Corino for starting all of this back at Final Battle and then reminds Corino he has his sister now. Allison poses a bit and then reveals that Corino’s girlfriend when he was 14 left him because he was a chronic bedwetter. Oh. Random. Anyway, Daniels says after last month they got stronger and recruited an assassin from the streets, Dan Maff. Maff walks in and says for far too long he followed this code of honor crap and it got him NOWHERE. But now, with a fallen angel on his shoulder, he will make his name. And he tells Daniels if he needs a hit put on someone to consult him. Daniels says the focus tonight is on retribution and the second round robin challenge. He calls Red a fluke champion and vows to take London’s spot in the contender rankings. The hunt begins, the Prophecy will have its retribution, and that is the gospel according to the word of the Fallen Angel.

Second year in a row where I’m still not sure why they’re having a round robin tournament or what it’s for, or if it’s even booked properly. But here we go.

On a positive note, ROH has definitely started cultivating a hot new town for the territory. When they were here 3 months ago, I don’t care what the internet says, there couldn’t have been more than 200-250 people here. Now? I’d say it’s an easy 400-450. Doesn’t sound like a lot, but it’s noticeable, it adds to the energy, and is a big enough trend in the right direction.

Match #1: Christopher Daniels vs. Amazing Red [Round Robin Series - Match #1]
Very good 10 minute or so match. Not that Red needs it, but Daniels makes him look incredible here. There wasn’t much substance to it in terms of working any thing close to a complex story. Simply put: Daniels has been in a rut, Red wants to prove he’s not a fluke. And that’s fine! Red starts to run away with it and it looks like a moderate upset is coming. Red goes up top and Daniels throws an errant leg into the ref, knocking him into the ropes and crotching Red. Daniels then quickly hits the Last Rites to go up 1-0 in the tournament.
***

Someone named Scott Chong comes out to be the special guest timekeeper. Apparently he was on the third season of Tough Enough. No recollection of him.

As a reminder, the next match was announced prior to DHS splitting but they’re honoring the commitment of one last match. I guess the general idea of that works, plus Maff didn’t really turn on Mack, he just turned heel by helping another heel. But at the same time, the general idea here is a member of the Prophecy honoring anything ROH makes them do, so it’s pretty flawed.

Da Hit Squad come out but Mack comes out alone and sad and stands in the aisleway to look back. Maff walks out with a shit eating grin and Danger in tow, and he glares at Mack as he walks on by. Oh and Mack is trying to go by The Brooklyn Bull Steve Mack.

Match #2: Second City Saints (Cabana/Steel) vs. Da Hit Squad
I enjoyed the story progression here although it ultimately goes nowhere as I am fairly certain this is Mack’s last ROH show. The gist of it is essentially the DHS still work really well together. And every time they get an advantage or pull something off, Maff gets angry and resists the urge to dap his partner up or get hyped. Maff is also working more aggressive than usual here to get over the heel turn. The Saints play their part and drive Maff from the ring and they beat Mack with a Rude Awakening/Colt 45 combination.
**1/2

Post-match, Maff flips out on the floor and breaks a table by throwing it. He looks back to a downed Mack and seems both sad and angry. But Allison Danger keeps telling him to forget it, he’s got the Prophecy now. And eventually, she gets him to walk out on Mack, and that’s that.

Earlier today, while the ring was being set up, Dunn & Marcos take a second to tell the camera that THEY ARE DUNN & MARCOS, THEY ARE THE TOP TAG TEAM IN RING OF HONOR, AND THEY WILL ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE. The cameraman walks over and the Outcast Killaz stop them. They are apparently ring crew as well, and the one guy was the one Carnage Crew beatdown last show. Oh. Anyway. They say they’ve been in ROH since the beginning and they’ve been paying their dues but they’re done waiting in line for their turn.

Match #3: The SAT vs. Dunn & Marcos vs. Special K (Hydro/BrianXL) vs. EZ Money & Sterling James Keenan [Tag Team Scramble]
HEY! HOW DO YOU MAKE EZ MONEY EVEN WORSE? YOU TEAM HIM WITH VERY SHITTY WRESTLER COREY GRAVES. BrianXL has put on weight. He hasn’t gotten fat, but he’s not bulked up either. He just got kind of out of shape. Jay Lethal isn’t there yet (some would argue he never actually gets there but I digress). Without a better/more fun team to sort of choreograph the mayhem (DHS, Carmage Crew, better members of Special K), this really doesn’t do much for me. EZ Money is noticeably trying super hard here after his last two legit stinkers. Was probably told this was a last shot or something. After the typical spots you’d see in this match, the rest of Special K come out but EZ dives on all of them which allows SAT to hit Dunn with the Spanish Fly unopposed and secure the win.
*1/2

Post-match, Slugga gets in the ring and beats up the SAT. Everyone is still fighting at ringside. The other larger black gentleman comes out and gets in the ring for another stand off with Slugga. Hydro pulls Slugga back and the larger black man hits Angel Dust with a choke bomb. When he gets back up, Deranged and another Special K member I couldn’t make out because of the camera angle superkick the larger black man in the PENIS, and when he turns to sell it, SLUGGA PICKS THE LARGER MAN UP AND SLAMS HIM DOWN WITH A SKY HIGH!

CM Punk comes out for his match but a random dude hops the guard rail and slides into the ring. He sits in the corner but then gets up and hits Raven’s pose in Punk’s face. Suddenly, a woman hops the railing and attacks the random guy and plants him with a DDT, and when she turns we see — IT’S DAFFNEY FROM WCW! Punk grabs the mic and says that’s another shot in the war that will be settled in the coming months. That piece of shit was sent by someone this crowd calls a hero, Raven. He was expecting that nasty hobgoblin Trinity so he came prepared tonight and he introduces us to the newest Second City Saint, LUCY. Daffney is a way cooler name but whatever.

AND TO COUNTERACT PUNK HAVING A MANAGER HOMICIDE COMES OUT WITH JULIUS SMOKES. YEAH YEAH YEAH BBDAAT BBDAAAT. MY FLESH MY FLESH MY BLOOD MY BLOOD.

Match #4: CM Punk vs. Homicide [#1 Contd’rs Trophy]
This crowd has been awesome all night but they are SUPER FUCKING HOT for this, baby. Reading about this on other folks reviews, it appears that at the time, this was a breakout match for both men. For Punk, it was his first truly great singles match. For Homicide, it was his first truly great non brawling style match, proving he can fucking go. On the surface, this is just two young hungry dudes going at it to become #1 contender for the top prize. There isn’t much substance below that. It’s one of those deals where it’s like if wrestling was a real sport, one team has to beat the other team every night, and it doesn’t get more basic than that. I kinda love that about ROH. Smokes plays a vital role in this as a hype man, really getting over not just the fact that he has the power to motivate Homicide to come back from anything (as proven by an overabundance of kick outs, including a rather egregious one on a Pepsi Plunge) but also gets over the role of the manager in ROH so well. Nowadays in wrestling, it feels like managers are just there to be heaters, cut promos and half the time not even get to be at ringside (see: almost everyone in AEW except Nana). But Smokes is great at the little things. Making sure he’s near whatever corner Homicide is, hyping the crowd up to get behind him, barking at the ref, barking at the opposition. Anyway, Homicide does not stay down for anything Punk throws at him and eventually Homicide catches him on a comeback, trapping Punk in the Torture STF and making him tap for the win!
***1/2

Match #5: Carnage Crew (DeVito, Loc & MASADA] vs. Fast Eddie, Don Juan & Hotstuff Hernandez [Fight Without Honor]
This was fucking insane. First off, it’s one of the bloodier matches I’ve ever seen. Loc gets cut on the crown of his head early, and as a result, blood is POURING down through his thick hair and covering his face and neck. Fast Eddie gets cut about half way through and while it’s not the most gruesome crimson mask ever, I think it’s because the guy spent half the match face down on the mat or floor, because there’s legitimate puddles of blood EVERYWHERE. Hernandez rules shit again in this. Fast Eddie even wins my support by dying on everything and willing to take some risks. At one point he gets Masada up on the top rope and does a SICK Frankensteiner all the way down to the floor:

And then moments later, he gets back in the ring and tells Hernandez to throw him so Hernandez fuckin BORDER TOSSES HIM FROM THE RING ALL THE WAY OUT INTO THE AISLE ON TOP OF DEVITO AND LOC.

Look at the fucking blood CAKED on the floor. Hernandez then lines up for his big dive, but DEVITO CATCHES HIM IN MID AIR WITH A CHAIR SHOT TO THE SKULL AND HERNANDEZ LAWN DARTS INTO THE FLOOR JESUS CHRIST. The Crew 3 on 1 Fast Eddie back in the ring, hit him with the prototype of the Magic Killer and then with the DOUBLE SUPER SPIKE PILEDRIVER to end it. Holy shit what a match.
***1/4

Post-match, the Carnage Crew go after Scott Chong at ringside and beat him down until Rudy Boy chases them off with a chair.

Paul London comes out for the next Round Robin match in an “X-STYLES” t shirt.

Match #6: Paul London vs. Amazing Red  [Round Robin Series - Match #2]
London gets to adopt some stuff from both Danielson and AJ here, which is a nice touch. For the first time I can remember, London has the size advantage in a match and he uses it. Red puts on another masterclass in bumping like he did earlier and it helps get London’s offense over even more. London starts to get too cocky, pretending to be AJ and bullying around Red like Danielson did to him, and it backfires as Red gets an opening to mount his comeback. Red does a super code red again like the first Briscoes match and London kicks out of that. I don’t like that but I’d probably be less annoyed if that wasn’t the second super finisher on this show alone to be kicked out of. Red tries to move quick and goes for a springboard hurricanrana but LONDON HOLDS ON AND PLANTS RED WITH THE STYLES CLASH TO WIN!
***

So with two losses, RED IS OUT OF THE TOURNAMENT. A TOURNAMENT WITH ACTUAL PROPER BOOKING?! YES!

Post-match, London seemingly drops the bullying schtick to observe the code of honor and put over Red. But once Red leaves, London puts the X Styles shirt back on. Daniels/London later will face off to crown the winner, although technically they should be facing off at least twice to try and get the other to two losses. Or make it a 2/3 falls match.

Backstage, GMC is standing by with Matt Stryker. Stryker says his match tonight is the most important match of his career. Hey dick head you faced the world champion last show? Anyway, Collyer walks up and says he’s already made Stryker tap twice and he’ll do it again tonight and then makes fun of his unibrow. Stryker says that Collyer will be the one tapping tonight.

GMC then walks up to Michael Shane and Simply Luscious. Shane notes he’s not booked tonight (because without explanation his match with Daniels was cancelled and never mentioned again) but that doesn’t mean he can’t have some fun. He asks Luscious if she knows what match is up after intermission and she smiles. They walk off and GMC notes the women’s match is what’s up next.

Match #7: Alexis Laree vs. Persephone
Go watch this. Not for the match, that stunk. But because Gabe Sapolsky is the creepiest human alive. His commentary on this match honestly rivals almost ANYTHING Jerry Lawler said on commentary during the Attitude Era. He keeps remarking about Alexis’ sexy, flat stomach. He lets out moans and says mmm when she does certain moves. He keeps talking about adding the T&A factor to ROH. Just a total fucking weirdo. I don’t have a problem if it was just him remarking on how attractive she was or whatever. But to overshadow the match by just making extremely creepy comments and sounds, that’s not even “being a guy”, that just plain weird. Deviant type shit. Laree wins the match by the way but who cares.
1/2*

Post-match, Simply Luscious blindsides Alexis and hits her with a DVD. She hits another on the other girl. Shane grabs a chair and sits in the middle of the ring like Corino did at Final Battle and Joe did last month. GMC comes out to get answers on what he’s doing just like he did with the other two. But Gabe flips out on commentary about the Group trying to book themselves to do whatever so he cuts it and throws it to the back for a promo.

We go backstage to the Second City Saints for a SPECTACULAR promo. I usually don’t/wont post videos here but I didn’t have the energy to transcribe it and it’s just too special not to see:

This entire show has been a breakout for Punker. Not to mention I love the similarities in this feud between him and Raven. The Saints as of right now feel like a true successor to Raven’s Nest.

Coming back to the ring we see that Shane’s words were apparently used to book himself in the previously scheduled four way match to make it a five way match.

Match #8: Michael Shane vs. BJ Whitmer vs. Chad Collyer vs. Donovan Morgan vs. Matt Stryker [Scramble Match]
Monsters of the MID way ass battle royal ass match here. See what I did there Tone? I made a pun to call them mid, because none of them are more than average. Heh heh. Hey man. This went 20+. Get the fuck out of here with that. They try to make it a big deal because Shane is in the Group and Morgan is in the Prophecy but it’s the two guys in both groups with ZERO heat right now due to ROH inexplicably cooling Shane off TREMENDOUSLY after the London feud, and Morgan consistently choosing NOAH over ROH. The Stryker/Collyer bits were fine enough and honestly I would’ve rather of just had another singles match with those two. BJ Whitmer also exists. This was such a slog to get through and almost made me stop watching because I couldn’t pay attention due to how boring it was. But if you listened to Gabe on commentary he’s damn near messin’ in his lil panties over this. Fuck you dude. Stryker finally beats Collyer getting him to tap to the Strykerlock. The crowd goes the definition of mild but Gabe reaches full climax and it’s very upsetting.
*3/4

Match #9: Christopher Daniels vs. Paul London  [Round Robin Series - Match #3]
I liked this, I just didn’t like this as much as I thought I would. I dunno. It just wasn’t clicking for me. They did great mat work in the opening and built up nicely to Daniels working on London’s ribs and midsection. London isn’t exactly selling as well as he did against Danielson last month but whaddya gonna do. Daniels has a tough time keeping up with London for obvious reasons but the more he can stall and do little other old school heel tricks mixed with the rib work, he slowly starts to wear London down. London’s offense then becomes Daniels’ key to victory, as the more times London dives, the more he aggravates the rib injury, and it leaves him prone to attacks. Finish comes when Daniels gets his knees up on London’s London Star Press attempt, and that was London’s last gasp, no pun intended, as he’s gassed and Daniels ends it with the BME.
***

Daniels has now won the round robin challenge, ending the Prophecy’s losing streak and being the first person to ever actually win the ROH RR Challenge even though I mean it should be double elimination but whatever.

Time for the main event. Reminder, Williams earned this shot as a result of winning the #1 contenders trophy against Daniels a couple months back.

Match #10: Samoa Joe (c) vs. Doug Williams [ROH Championship]
Kind of bummed that this only got around 10-11 minutes but also I get it. You’re building Joe up as sort of an enigma as champion. Nobody has had an answer for Samoa Joe in ROH yet (except for Low Ki) because any other loss could be chalked up to simple dumb luck by the opponent. Williams has been built rather well in the last year, and feeding him to Joe is the right move as it helps elevate Joe, your full time guy. Williams realizes pretty early on he’s going to be hard pressed to out wrestle Joe, so he tries to throw big shit his way and take him either by surprise or by sheer force. It has its moments of “maybe maybe maybe” but in the end, not really. Joe eventually just smothers Williams offensively. He gets him laid out and starts throwing those hellacious knees to set up for and execute The Choke to win.
**1/2

Post-match, Dan Maff and Donovan Morgan run out and attack Joe to keep that feud going. Michael Shane runs out to help his stablemate and they start clearing house until Daniels runs out and takes them out and it’s 3 on 2. Daniels grabs the mic and says this time around in Pittsburgh, the Prophecy got their Retribution. They head to the back and Daniels looks into the camera to say he hopes Corino is watching.

In a pretape that the screen says was cut before the next months show, Carnage Crew hype up their match at Do or Die which will be a scramble against Punk/Cabana, the Briscoes and Izzy/Dixie (holy shit). Loc keeps askin DeVito why that night will be special and DeVito keeps answering reasons like who they’re facing and why they suck. But then he figures out it’s because they’ll be able to get out of the house again to escape Loc’s fat ugly wife and DeVito’s skinny crackhead wife. And they embrace. Dudes rock?

Backstage, the Prophecy enter the locker room and are celebrating. Daniels asks ROH what their next move is since last time in Pittsburgh they rushed to advertise the show as Revenge on the Prophecy? Maybe now they have to name this show Retribution by the Prophecy (so close). Daniels puts over Morgan as the top technical wrestler in ROH (lol he’s not even the top technical wrestler in the room currently) and congratulates Maff on shedding the dead weight. Morgan suggests they go get their paychecks. Daniels checks on Allison Danger and says the WORST/BEST line ever “when I come back from getting paid we’re gonna do something that rhymes with getting paid.”

Samoa Joe cuts a pretape and his nose is swollen as FUCK. He asks Daniels if it’s a war he really wants? The first shots have been fired and Samoa Joe won’t stop now. He may think this (points to his nose) is cute but now that this has started he’s not gonna stop when he breaks Daniels nose, or when he breaks Daniels neck. He won’t stop until he’s broken him in half and then broken every little thing in his body. And THAT’S the gospel, according to Samoa Joe.

NEXT MONTH: That insanely good Scramble! JOE/HOMICIDE!

Jon Moxley vs. Shingo Takagi - NJPW Battle in the Valley 2024, 1/13/2024

This was a No Disqualifications match. 

The idea of the “hardcore rules” based stipulations have become extremely sanitized over these last few years. The realistic, or at least believable, nature of these type of matches must’ve certainly died along with ECW and early CZW. 

When wrestlers first started going to the floor or under the ring, things felt believable. Extra chairs, camera cable, drink carts, fire extinguishers — things that may reasonably stored under a ring. If a wrestler wanted to inflict extra damage, they brought their own instrument of pain — Abby’s fork, Cactus’ barbed wire baseball bat, Sandman’s Singapore cane. The further the matches went, both in run time and distance from the ring, the wilder things would get. Beating your opponent into submission inside of the ladies washroom, attempting vehicular homicide in the parking lot or even just having a silly condiment fight by the concession stands. Things made at least SOME sense. 

Now, and for the last several years, we live in a world where wrestling rings automatically come stocked with kendo sticks, thumbtacks and cheap folding tables that haven’t been used in most set designs for over 15 years.

The feeling of the death match being an über-expressive art form has faded away. We’ve seen creative, entertaining spots replaced by meat skewers in the hairline so much that it’s lost its edge. 

And it’s not that the matches have gotten necessarily safer, they’ve just gotten…well, prettier. Polished. And again, sanitized. Overly sanitized, in fact, to a point that a once edgy, hardcore sub-sect of a company’s wrestling division has now become marketing fodder for television commercials. Art is dead, and the artist was the culprit. 

But this match still whooped ass!

Believe it or not, it is possible to still enjoy a form of entertainment even in its death spiral. I understand wanting to keep your workers safe and healthy, and workers wanting to make sure they can wrestle relatively pain free for a long time. But I’m also not asking for Zandig roof spots in 2024 (…unless someone’s up for it). Just give me some creativity and parity in these specific match types!

Jon Moxley is capable of making almost anyone and anything entertaining. He’s failed at doing that exactly one (1) time in his career, towards the end of his WWE run, where he was in a situation nobody could’ve fought their way out of and lived to tell about it. He’s also a sick bastard. And while Takagi does not have that perverted function of his brain fully activated like Mox does, he certainly feels like a top 3 choice on the current NJPW roster to be able to have this type of match at this quality, sanitized or not, and that helps. 

This is entertaining and was far and away the match of the night at the NJPW show last month. I would absolutely recommend checking it out. Just don’t go into it expecting a genre changing smash hit, or even something that’s better than a WWE Extreme Rules  style match, just with two far superior workers than most anyone currently employed there. 

Match Rating: ***1/2

ROH: THE EPIC ENCOUNTER - 4/12/2003

ROH: THE EPIC ENCOUNTER

Murphy Rec Center
Philadelphia, PA
April 12th, 2003

ROH Champion: Samoa Joe (Since 3/22/2002 - 0 Defenses)
ROH Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Amazing Red (Since 3/15/2003 - 1 Defenses)

 

 

At the very start of the show, the large black gentleman who is not Slugga is shown arriving to the building.

Backstage, Alexis Laree hypes up AJ/Red as the most innovative and exciting team in ROH and that’s why they’re the tag champs and she’s here to make sure the code of honor is enforced. Young Mickie’s voice just throws me for a loop everytime. It’s like she’s a different person entirely. Paul London walks up with either a mop or a shuffle board stick that he calls Alex. He’s got a T shirt tied around his forehead. He tells AJ he thought they had a tag title match tonight and they were going to be champs. AJ says that was last month and Paul couldn’t make it so Red was his partner and they won. London is confused saying he even went out and got this headband so he could match with AJ. AJ correctly points out that it is not a headband it is a Hard Rock Cafe T-shirt. London says he called AJ and AJ never called back. AJ says every time Paul called him it was from different pay phones. Paul says he emailed him too. AJ says every email Paul sent was loaded with computer porn. London yells at Red saying he’s not even old enough to look at porn. He then says Red, who hasn’t said a word, should shut up because he’s nothing more than a prop, like a pencil or an egg, and Red takes an incredible amount of offense to this. AJ suggests Paul find a tag partner and challenge them for the belts. London assumes he has to find two partners because Alexis will be involved. But then switches and says he’ll only need ONE partner to beat them. It gets awkward and then Paul tells AJ he still loves him and he’ll see him at church on Sunday. The champs leave and London stands there.

What the fuck.

We are still in the Murphy Rec Centee, but ROH has began the move to its more modern, darker look with a black and red ring, the lights in the crowd dimmed and black sheets hanging up in the back of the gymnasium.

As the match starts, a shitty chyron appears on screen to let us know of the ROH Championship rankings:

#1: Doug Williams
#2: Low Ki
#3: CM Punk
#4: Xavier
#5: Bryan Danielson

Match #1: Backseat Boyz vs. Da Hit Squad
This was alright. Nothing spectacular. The Backseats were back to working heel which was weird but they’re against DHS so maybe that’s the idea. They do a lot of stalling and pretend to bail on the match, basic shit like that. DHS toss them around in the ring per usual. At the end, Maff charges Acid but he moves and Maff runs into Mack, knocking Mack to the floor. And in the ensuing confusion, the Backseats hit Maff with the T-Gimmick for the upset.
**

Post-match, Maff is pissed and storms off to the back without observing the code of honor.

The lights go out and some sick techno rave music starts and we get a lights show as Special K makes a pretty awesome brand new entrance. They get into the ring and Mikey cuts a very long, going nowhere promo about how great of a tag wrestler he is and he has to be reined in to get to the point that he can make Special K the next great ROH team. Dunn & Marcos interrupt and they say they’re the best team in ROH and they will ROCK THEM LIKE A HURRICANE. Carnage Crew come out and say they don’t care about being the best team they just wanna fight. The Backseats say they were told DHS were the best team and they just beat them. They said they’ve got another show in town to get to, but they suggest these three teams square off and the winner will face the Backseats on 5/31, and Gabe suggests on commentary the winner of the 5/31 match would be the #1 cont’drs for the belts.

Match #2: Carnage Crew vs. Special K (Dixie/Hydro) vs. Dunn & Marcos [Tag Team Scramble]
A mostly inoffensive sprint for 5 minutes. They do the now customary “everyone get their shit in” dive spot that takes up the bulk of the match. They get VERY lenient here on what the ref does and doesn’t see. Carnage Crew hit Dunn with a super spike piledriver and have it won but the ref is distracted again, allowing Mikey to slide in and hit the Whippersnapper on Loc and DeVito and Hydro covers Loc to win.
*3/4

Post-match, Special K celebrate and Slugga hits Marcos with the body bag. The large black gentleman enters the ring again and stares down Slugga and Special K all leave.

Match #3: AJ Styles & Amazing Red (c) vs. The Briscoes [ROH Tag Team Championships]
This was good again but not as good as last months MOTYC. it’s a natural evolution in the story being done with these teams as the Briscoes gel a bit more here than last month, and they have a good, long control seg on Red. It’s fun seeing historic teams like the Briscoes work this shit out in real time. It builds up to another fast paced finish that looks to be heading in the same exact direction as last months show but the Briscoes smartly block it. Mark dives onto Styles on the outside but Styles catches him for a Styles Clash on the floor. Back inside, Jay sets up Red for the Jay Driller but Red counters into a Beach Break and then hits the Red Star Press to win and retain.
***1/4

Punk comes out for his match and Cabana is with him. Before they reach the ring, Trinity hops the guard rail and slides in and sits in the corner like Raven. This perplexes Punk and Cabana. Trinity does the Raven pose and then dives onto them, but Cabana catches her and carries her to the back.

Match #4: CM Punk vs. BJ Whitmer
I’ve heard about this match before. And yeah, it is aggravating and honestly kinda bad. I get what they’re doing with trying to work the angle about Whitmer getting the headshots in the match, so maybe they’re chalking up some of his performance to him selling the concussion, but if I’m being honest, IF that’s what he was doing, he was doing a really bad job at it because it came off sloppy and made the product feel dumb. It was hokey. However, I don’t think BJ is having elevated thoughts like that. I think it’s more that BJ just isn’t that great (at least not yet…?) and Punk isn’t at the level yet where he can carry someone up to even close to his level. Like there’s a few throws and drops in here, by both men if I’m being honest, that makes you feel like you’re watching a trampoline fed. The hubris of teenagers thinking they can pull off something cool and instead they wind up sending their friend to the ER. Like THAT kind of sloppy. This was also aggravating because, look, commit to the fucking code of honor or don’t. This match isn’t labeled as anything except a singles match — so then why are they setting up and building up to a big table spot in the back half of this with the ref seeing everything? A month ago, a ref is stopping Raven from DDT’ing Punk post match because it’s against the Code. A month later, the same ref (Paul Turner, that scoundrel) is just standing there watching Punk set up a table on the floor. And then after BJ gets two big strikes to the head, and sells the concussion all match, the ending comes when Punk does a sick looking German suplex off the apron down through the table on the floor. The ref checks on BJ and calls for the bell, and Gabe solemnly says on commentary “That wasn’t supposed to happen.”
*

Post-match, it’s announced the ref has thrown this out due to injury. Like dude, even a WWF match from this era would say Punk is DQ’d for using a weapon in a straight match. That finish makes ZERO sense and invalidates the already non-sensical booking.

Forget the poor “work rate” of the match for a second, it feels like the easier route to have gone here is Punk is becoming truly evil and he’s sending a message to Raven by abusing BJ here tonight and he goes too far and BJ gets “legit hurt”. What did the booking of this match and the finish accomplish? Like I know BJ is involved in the Punk/Raven feud at a point, but booking it the way I’m suggesting it gets the idea to the finish line more competently, I think.

Match #5: Christopher Daniels vs. Homicide
When I watched Terry Funk vs. Ricky Steamboat from 1989 around 10-11 years ago for the first time, I went into feeling like it was one of those matchups that was too rich in talent and would ultimately not live up to the expectations in my head. Because that does seem to be a very common theme amongst the dream match lore in this industry. But lo and behold, Steamboat and Funk had a fantastic match that, if it took place in any other year/promotion than 1989 WCW, would’ve been match of the year.

I say that to say this: I went into this match having never really considered the idea of a Daniels/Homicide singles match. And it wasn’t but a couple of minutes into this where I realized, this must be the penance I am paying for enjoying Steamboat/Funk all those years ago. Because this SHOULD’VE worked. They’re both talented as hell, they’re both dudes whom I throughly enjoy and have enjoyed for decades now, but this match simply did not click. It wasn’t downright bad or something atrocious like Punk/Whitmer was on a lower level. It just did not live up to the preconceived notions set in my head. The crowd in the rec center must sense something’s off too because while I’m sure the shitty Punk/Whitmer match didn’t help, this match killed the crowd. A match with two of your hottest acts killed the crowd. That’s insane to me. It starts to get to the workers too because the botches start to set in towards the end, culminating in one of the worst roll up sequences I’ve ever seen outside of NXT, and Homicide does…sort of a seatbelt pin? to get the win. Bummer.
**

Post match, Daniels is frustrated and vents to Danger. Homicide, even knowing what the Prophecy is about, sticks around and wants Daniels to shake his hand. Shockingly, for the first time ever, it looks like Daniels may actually shake hands! But suddenly, The Group hits the ring and Daniels throws Homicide out of the way and takes a superkick from CW! Joe, CW & Victory beat down Cide and Daniels and Joe chokes Cide out. Dan Maff runs out and clears house on the Group. Him and Daniels back into each other and they square up ready to fight — but then Daniels rips Maff’s DHS shirt off to reveal a Prophecy shirt! Dan Maff has joined the Prophecy. They pose, and then Maff takes the ripped up DHS shirt and drops it on the KO’d Homicide’s face. The Prophecy leaves. Cide gets up a minute or so later and is asking the ref what happened, and he sells the sadness really well.

Backstage, GMC is standing by with BJ Whitmer. BJ speaks slowly and says the doc checked him out and they’re going to take him to the hospital. Punk comes over and kneels down next to BJ. He asks him if he remembers anything and BJ says he doesn’t remember any of the match. Punk says that’s okay, he gave him a hell of a fight. But he needs to go to the doctor and get checked out, so next time they wrestle he can go 100% instead of quitting on the people, because the ROH fans deserve better. But he tells him he has a lot of heart and wishes him well. Punk delivers this so fucking good. Gaslighting Punk is my favorite.

GMC then runs out of the locker room because he says the producers are telling him something else is going on. GMC looks like a less interesting Patsy Parisi. He goes in the hallway, and he sees Julius Smokes and some big white dude in a bandana beating down two unknown people and stealing their wallets and Smokes yells that actions have consequences.

They show like 30 seconds of Alexis Laree beating someone called Ariel.

Match #6: Samoa Joe vs. Hotstuff Hernandez
Hernandez comes out to some shitty KaZaa mix of Ruff Ryders Anthem, It’s Gettin Hot in Herre and Hot Stuff by Donna Summer. I mean hell yeah, honestly. This is a non title match. I like the idea here, it’s very 1980’s: Hernandez got hot at the last Murphy Rec show, so you run him against the champ the next show to see if it sticks. Unfortunately, the crowd is still fucking DEAD after the last two matches so outside of Hernandez’s big jump to the floor, they were not into this one bit. But it was a really fun big man battle and a good showcase for Joe as the new champ. Joe lets Hernandez sort of work the match which is cool and Joe still gets to use his awesome arsenal of strikes and slaps. Hernandez hits Joe with a Tree Slam but as they land, Joe traps Hernandez’s right arm and locks him in a Triangle Choke to win.
**1/2

Post-match, Joe stays in the ring and sits in a chair. GMC comes out to see what he’s doing and Joe tells him to come in with a mic. Joe says the ROH Title should be the most important title in the world and it’s his job as part of an elite Group to make that happen. He also does what he wants. He says Hotstuff Hernandez damn near killed himself out here and it was in a non title match but these GOD DAMN FANS DESERVE TO SEE THIS BELT DEFENDED! He asks what match is up next, and GMC says the three way involving Cabana, Stryker and the FKA Reckless Youth now known as “Technician” Tom Carter (Gabe I hate you with the fire of 1,000 suns). Joe says to hit their music.

They all come out, and FUCK YEAH Cabana comes out to “Copa Cabana”. Joe shakes all of their hands and he says he’s willing to make this match into a FOUR WAY, and while it is non title, if anyone wins by pinning Joe, they can have the belt. Weird stip but okay.

Match #7: Samoa Joe (c) vs. Colt Cabana vs. Matt Stryker vs. Tom Carter [ROH Championship But Only If You Beat Joe]
Joe immediately attacks all three and the bell rings. This was all three of them running at and getting knocked down by Joe. At points, Stryker and Carter got to show off some mat stuff and it was fine. And Cabana is starting to lean heavily into the comedy stuff he’s known for which is also fine. It also does a good job of putting over Joe’s prowess as he does small things to ensure these guys aren’t as focused on him which could then put his title in jeopardy (again, I think? This is a weird stip.) In the end, Cabana is able to avoid getting spiked with the Island Driver but him doing that accidentally puts him in position for The Choke. Joe locks it on. Carter hits a Frog Splash to try and break it up but it only hurts Cabana more and Joe STILL keeps the hold on and Cabana taps.
**1/2

We randomly cut to a very large white man and a painfully indie looking dude brawling on the streets of Philly. I have no idea who they are until I read ahead and saw it was someone named Iceberg and David Young, and they’re in the big bunkhouse riot main event later, so yeah. Whatever.

Match #8: Bryan Danielson vs. Paul London [2 Out Of 3 Falls Match]
What a fantastic piece of work. The first fall is great. It’s not that typical bullshit you’ll see in most 2/3 fall matches where everything’s been built up for the deciding fall later. They just start throwing relatively big stuff at each other. There’s this weird form of hate/respect they have on display here. It’s like they trauma-bonded by coming up in the TWA together, but they don’t particularly like each other as people. Danielson especially excels again in his bully role here and he lets it be known through facial expressions that he in NO WAY considers London to be on his level, dating back to his kinda backhanded comments after their last bout at Final Battle. Danielson becomes so obsessed with wanting to inflict a ton of punishment early that he fucks up a pretty basic back suplex and allows London to counter him into a cross body and London just BARELY gets the three count to go up 1-0.

Now Danielson is pissed and he immediately goes after London’s knee. He wrenches and works on it for a good amount of time in the single leg crab and eventually gets London to tap and we’re at 1-1. But the damage has been done to London’s knee.

The third fall goes on too long for my liking. Like I dunno that this match needed to go 40 when it could’ve accomplished everything it did in about 30 minutes. I hate that type of mindset a lot of stuff I’ve seen in the 2000’s indie scene tends to have. It wasn’t bad it was just drawn out. More leg work which London sold incredibly well. Danielson gets extra brutal with everything he does. But London’s second wind finally sees him get JUST as brutal back, including re-enacting the headbutt battle on the ropes from Final Battle. London wins the battle and then hits a sick Tornado DDT that makes Danielson land right on his neck. Danielson is NOT well and London just out of instinct and wanting insurance hits the London Star Press onto Danielson as he was on all fours starting to push himself up, and London covers to get the biggest win of his career!
****

Post match, they do a time lapse of how long it takes London and Danielson to get to their feet. London offers a handshake and Danielson returns it rather tepidly. The crowd chants thank you both because they’re cuckolds.

Alright, bear with me as I recap what happens in the next 30+ minutes of the show.

The cameras go backstage to see Julius Smokes, Ramos & Becky coming in from the streets. They make their entrance from the crowd and the lights are all turned up in the building since this in Unsanctioned. I fucking love that touch. As they make their way through the crowd, Iceberg and David Young, who have been apparently still brawling this whole time out on the street, have brawled inside of the building in the back by the stage set up. Gabe finally tells us the deal: Corino called in a favor because he got David Young booked in Pro Wrestling NOAH, so Young stepped up for this match. In return, Homicide went to NWA Wildside and recruited Young’s arch rival, Iceberg. See that fucking rules! Explain that earlier! Use your fucking pretapes to tell a story.

Match #9: Homicide, Dusty Rhodes, Julius Smokes, Iceberg, Louie Ramos & Becky Bayless vs. Jack Victory, CW Anderson, David Young, Bar Room Brawler, Guillotine LeGrande & Simply Lusciojs [Unsanctioned I Quit Bunkhouse Riot Match or something…]
I guess the match has started. I don’t know. Smokes and Ramos and Becky are watching from the front row now as Homicide brawls with CW at ringside out of nowhere. Back near the stage, Young hits a nice dive on Iceberg. Back in the ring, Homicide has CW down but then Jack Victory is out to attack Homicide. Soon after, David Young makes his way to the ring and it’s 3 on 1. Smokes, Ramos and Becky are just watching. Why? Help your friend! Simply Luscious comes out to ringside. BUT THEN “MIDNIGHT RIDER” HITS, AND FROM THE CROWD COMES THE FUCKING MIDNIGHT RIDER WITH THE BULLROPE! FUCK YEAH! Gabe surmises that we’re finally gonna find out if the Midnight Rider was Dusty Rhodes. The three heels in the ring line up ready to fight the Rider as he stands on the apron. BUT THEN DUSTY RHODES COMES DOWN THE AISLE AND GETS IN THE RING BEHIND THEM. He taps Victory on his taint/gooch, an then CLEARS HOUSE WITH BIONIC ELBOWS. GETTIN FUNKY LIKE A MONKEY. PLUNDAH. PAY WINDAH. CLUBBERIN. Homicide is now back up and helping Dusty brawl with the Group. The Midnight Rider has disappeared. Julius Smokes and them are still doing nothing. Homicide uses Abby’s fork to cut open both CW and Victory. Now Iceberg has come back and is beating down Young in the ring with some fat man offense. CW has the cowbell left behind by the Rider and uses it to slice open Homicide. Dusty comes to his save. Iceberg continues to beat the fuck out of Young. The match comes to a bit of a lull. Then, Guillitoine LeGrande and someone nobody can identify on the broadcast but Cagematch has listed as “The Bar Room Brawler”, come through the crowd and help the heels. J Train and Ramos FINALLY help, I dunno what the fuck took so long. Becky and Luscious start brawling. Dusty drags Luscious in the ring and kisses her. Victory is GUSHING blood. Homicide starts piercing a railroad spike into Victory’s skull and Dusty grabs the mic and urges Vicktry to say I quit but he won’t so Homicide fucking stabs him. Homicide takes the fork and starts giving Victory a Glasgow smile and Victory finally quits and Dusty calls him a BATHTURD.
There is no way I can rate this. It’s a mess but it’s strangely a fun time even if it’s not the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.

Post match, Dusty grabs the mic and puts over Homicide. He then thanks ROH for having this old fat man here and they all chant Dusty.

Backstage, IF YOU WHEEEEEL, Dusty puts over Homicide some more and says he came here looking to finish BIDNIZ but he wasn’t here and now Homicide has dispatched of his risky business boys. MY FLESH MY FLESH MY BLOOD MY BLOOD. THIS AINT THE JAMES GANG BUT WE HERE WITH STARDUST REPPIN THE STREERS. BBDDAAAT BBDDAAAT. OH YEAH CAN YOU FEEL IT. THIS IS NOT OVER STEE CODIDO. NEVER OVER. HELL YEAH. BBDDAAAT. CODIDO YOU A DEAD MAN.

Elsewhere, Punk & Cabana stand by. Cabana says Raven chose him as his partner because of his history with Punk. But Punk tells the truth and Punk is a guiding light. Together, they represent Chicago, the midwest and ROH, and their friendship is strong. Punk says their friendship is built on truth and history. They are the Second City Saints. Punk says the story behind ROH’s first year has been honor and integrity. So he wants Raven to know he’s not going to be compromising his integrity whatsoever. He sends Trinity out here to play her little game earlier but those mind games don’t work on him. He lives his life by the X, which symbolizes his integrity. The Saints are a brick wall of integrity, stronger than anything Raven pops to make himself wake up or drinks to make himself fall asleep. History is who they are and history is what they’ll make together. WELL HE WAS KINDA RIGHT. Gabe yells cut on the promo and Cabana tells Punk he thinks he needs a catchphrase. He asks Punk how about “WOCKA WOCKA” and Punk asks if he’s serious, that’s not original at all. Cabana says okay, how about “DY-NO-MITE” and Punk gets angrier. Cabana says okay, and he pretends to put a golf ball before saying “My names Colt Cabana and I’m just playing through.” Punk says this sucks and walks off and Cabana follows him, telling him he has more.

The Carnage Crew are cutting a promo out at ringside as the ring crew is taking everything down. But the ring crew is being really loud and it pisses the Crew off. The Crew notice Dunn & Marcos having to take the ring apart and they mock them. Another ring crew member steps up and tells the Crew to beat it and go back home to their fat ugly wives. The Crew attack this ring worker seemingly because he called their wives fat and ugly, BUT NO, Loc says “DON’T YOU EVER…REMIND ME THAT I HAVE TO GO HOME” FANTASTIC.

Elsewhere, the Prophecy stands by with their new member. Allison Danger relieves him of the burden of being Mafia, and re-christens him Dan Maff and welcomes him to the Prophecy on behalf of Donovan Morgan and Christopher Daniels. Daniels cuts a promo on Corino’s group and announces a match against Michael Shane next month for what happened last month. Monsta Mack comes over and is sad. Maff says he’s had to observe the code of honor for a year and it got him nowhere but the midcard. He’s tired of it and he’s tired of carrying Mack along with him. Maff says he’s going a different direction from now on, but on the 4/26 show, DHS will have one last ride as they face Cabana & Steel. Maff warns Mack to figure himself out and not to mess up because no matter what, it’s over between them after 4/26. The Prophecy leaves and Mack punches a wall and says Maff has a point. He says Monsta Mack is dead and he’s now the Pitbull Steve Mack and he threatens the SCS guys to the camera and that’s it.

NEXT MONTH: DHS/SCS! DANIELS/SHANE (doesn’t happen lolololol)