ROH: THE EPIC ENCOUNTER
Murphy Rec Center
Philadelphia, PA
April 12th, 2003
ROH Champion: Samoa Joe (Since 3/22/2002 - 0 Defenses)
ROH Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Amazing Red (Since 3/15/2003 - 1 Defenses)
At the very start of the show, the large black gentleman who is not Slugga is shown arriving to the building.
Backstage, Alexis Laree hypes up AJ/Red as the most innovative and exciting team in ROH and that’s why they’re the tag champs and she’s here to make sure the code of honor is enforced. Young Mickie’s voice just throws me for a loop everytime. It’s like she’s a different person entirely. Paul London walks up with either a mop or a shuffle board stick that he calls Alex. He’s got a T shirt tied around his forehead. He tells AJ he thought they had a tag title match tonight and they were going to be champs. AJ says that was last month and Paul couldn’t make it so Red was his partner and they won. London is confused saying he even went out and got this headband so he could match with AJ. AJ correctly points out that it is not a headband it is a Hard Rock Cafe T-shirt. London says he called AJ and AJ never called back. AJ says every time Paul called him it was from different pay phones. Paul says he emailed him too. AJ says every email Paul sent was loaded with computer porn. London yells at Red saying he’s not even old enough to look at porn. He then says Red, who hasn’t said a word, should shut up because he’s nothing more than a prop, like a pencil or an egg, and Red takes an incredible amount of offense to this. AJ suggests Paul find a tag partner and challenge them for the belts. London assumes he has to find two partners because Alexis will be involved. But then switches and says he’ll only need ONE partner to beat them. It gets awkward and then Paul tells AJ he still loves him and he’ll see him at church on Sunday. The champs leave and London stands there.
What the fuck.
We are still in the Murphy Rec Centee, but ROH has began the move to its more modern, darker look with a black and red ring, the lights in the crowd dimmed and black sheets hanging up in the back of the gymnasium.
As the match starts, a shitty chyron appears on screen to let us know of the ROH Championship rankings:
#1: Doug Williams
#2: Low Ki
#3: CM Punk
#4: Xavier
#5: Bryan Danielson
Match #1: Backseat Boyz vs. Da Hit Squad
This was alright. Nothing spectacular. The Backseats were back to working heel which was weird but they’re against DHS so maybe that’s the idea. They do a lot of stalling and pretend to bail on the match, basic shit like that. DHS toss them around in the ring per usual. At the end, Maff charges Acid but he moves and Maff runs into Mack, knocking Mack to the floor. And in the ensuing confusion, the Backseats hit Maff with the T-Gimmick for the upset.
**
Post-match, Maff is pissed and storms off to the back without observing the code of honor.
The lights go out and some sick techno rave music starts and we get a lights show as Special K makes a pretty awesome brand new entrance. They get into the ring and Mikey cuts a very long, going nowhere promo about how great of a tag wrestler he is and he has to be reined in to get to the point that he can make Special K the next great ROH team. Dunn & Marcos interrupt and they say they’re the best team in ROH and they will ROCK THEM LIKE A HURRICANE. Carnage Crew come out and say they don’t care about being the best team they just wanna fight. The Backseats say they were told DHS were the best team and they just beat them. They said they’ve got another show in town to get to, but they suggest these three teams square off and the winner will face the Backseats on 5/31, and Gabe suggests on commentary the winner of the 5/31 match would be the #1 cont’drs for the belts.
Match #2: Carnage Crew vs. Special K (Dixie/Hydro) vs. Dunn & Marcos [Tag Team Scramble]
A mostly inoffensive sprint for 5 minutes. They do the now customary “everyone get their shit in” dive spot that takes up the bulk of the match. They get VERY lenient here on what the ref does and doesn’t see. Carnage Crew hit Dunn with a super spike piledriver and have it won but the ref is distracted again, allowing Mikey to slide in and hit the Whippersnapper on Loc and DeVito and Hydro covers Loc to win.
*3/4
Post-match, Special K celebrate and Slugga hits Marcos with the body bag. The large black gentleman enters the ring again and stares down Slugga and Special K all leave.
Match #3: AJ Styles & Amazing Red (c) vs. The Briscoes [ROH Tag Team Championships]
This was good again but not as good as last months MOTYC. it’s a natural evolution in the story being done with these teams as the Briscoes gel a bit more here than last month, and they have a good, long control seg on Red. It’s fun seeing historic teams like the Briscoes work this shit out in real time. It builds up to another fast paced finish that looks to be heading in the same exact direction as last months show but the Briscoes smartly block it. Mark dives onto Styles on the outside but Styles catches him for a Styles Clash on the floor. Back inside, Jay sets up Red for the Jay Driller but Red counters into a Beach Break and then hits the Red Star Press to win and retain.
***1/4
Punk comes out for his match and Cabana is with him. Before they reach the ring, Trinity hops the guard rail and slides in and sits in the corner like Raven. This perplexes Punk and Cabana. Trinity does the Raven pose and then dives onto them, but Cabana catches her and carries her to the back.
Match #4: CM Punk vs. BJ Whitmer
I’ve heard about this match before. And yeah, it is aggravating and honestly kinda bad. I get what they’re doing with trying to work the angle about Whitmer getting the headshots in the match, so maybe they’re chalking up some of his performance to him selling the concussion, but if I’m being honest, IF that’s what he was doing, he was doing a really bad job at it because it came off sloppy and made the product feel dumb. It was hokey. However, I don’t think BJ is having elevated thoughts like that. I think it’s more that BJ just isn’t that great (at least not yet…?) and Punk isn’t at the level yet where he can carry someone up to even close to his level. Like there’s a few throws and drops in here, by both men if I’m being honest, that makes you feel like you’re watching a trampoline fed. The hubris of teenagers thinking they can pull off something cool and instead they wind up sending their friend to the ER. Like THAT kind of sloppy. This was also aggravating because, look, commit to the fucking code of honor or don’t. This match isn’t labeled as anything except a singles match — so then why are they setting up and building up to a big table spot in the back half of this with the ref seeing everything? A month ago, a ref is stopping Raven from DDT’ing Punk post match because it’s against the Code. A month later, the same ref (Paul Turner, that scoundrel) is just standing there watching Punk set up a table on the floor. And then after BJ gets two big strikes to the head, and sells the concussion all match, the ending comes when Punk does a sick looking German suplex off the apron down through the table on the floor. The ref checks on BJ and calls for the bell, and Gabe solemnly says on commentary “That wasn’t supposed to happen.”
*
Post-match, it’s announced the ref has thrown this out due to injury. Like dude, even a WWF match from this era would say Punk is DQ’d for using a weapon in a straight match. That finish makes ZERO sense and invalidates the already non-sensical booking.
Forget the poor “work rate” of the match for a second, it feels like the easier route to have gone here is Punk is becoming truly evil and he’s sending a message to Raven by abusing BJ here tonight and he goes too far and BJ gets “legit hurt”. What did the booking of this match and the finish accomplish? Like I know BJ is involved in the Punk/Raven feud at a point, but booking it the way I’m suggesting it gets the idea to the finish line more competently, I think.
Match #5: Christopher Daniels vs. Homicide
When I watched Terry Funk vs. Ricky Steamboat from 1989 around 10-11 years ago for the first time, I went into feeling like it was one of those matchups that was too rich in talent and would ultimately not live up to the expectations in my head. Because that does seem to be a very common theme amongst the dream match lore in this industry. But lo and behold, Steamboat and Funk had a fantastic match that, if it took place in any other year/promotion than 1989 WCW, would’ve been match of the year.
I say that to say this: I went into this match having never really considered the idea of a Daniels/Homicide singles match. And it wasn’t but a couple of minutes into this where I realized, this must be the penance I am paying for enjoying Steamboat/Funk all those years ago. Because this SHOULD’VE worked. They’re both talented as hell, they’re both dudes whom I throughly enjoy and have enjoyed for decades now, but this match simply did not click. It wasn’t downright bad or something atrocious like Punk/Whitmer was on a lower level. It just did not live up to the preconceived notions set in my head. The crowd in the rec center must sense something’s off too because while I’m sure the shitty Punk/Whitmer match didn’t help, this match killed the crowd. A match with two of your hottest acts killed the crowd. That’s insane to me. It starts to get to the workers too because the botches start to set in towards the end, culminating in one of the worst roll up sequences I’ve ever seen outside of NXT, and Homicide does…sort of a seatbelt pin? to get the win. Bummer.
**
Post match, Daniels is frustrated and vents to Danger. Homicide, even knowing what the Prophecy is about, sticks around and wants Daniels to shake his hand. Shockingly, for the first time ever, it looks like Daniels may actually shake hands! But suddenly, The Group hits the ring and Daniels throws Homicide out of the way and takes a superkick from CW! Joe, CW & Victory beat down Cide and Daniels and Joe chokes Cide out. Dan Maff runs out and clears house on the Group. Him and Daniels back into each other and they square up ready to fight — but then Daniels rips Maff’s DHS shirt off to reveal a Prophecy shirt! Dan Maff has joined the Prophecy. They pose, and then Maff takes the ripped up DHS shirt and drops it on the KO’d Homicide’s face. The Prophecy leaves. Cide gets up a minute or so later and is asking the ref what happened, and he sells the sadness really well.
Backstage, GMC is standing by with BJ Whitmer. BJ speaks slowly and says the doc checked him out and they’re going to take him to the hospital. Punk comes over and kneels down next to BJ. He asks him if he remembers anything and BJ says he doesn’t remember any of the match. Punk says that’s okay, he gave him a hell of a fight. But he needs to go to the doctor and get checked out, so next time they wrestle he can go 100% instead of quitting on the people, because the ROH fans deserve better. But he tells him he has a lot of heart and wishes him well. Punk delivers this so fucking good. Gaslighting Punk is my favorite.
GMC then runs out of the locker room because he says the producers are telling him something else is going on. GMC looks like a less interesting Patsy Parisi. He goes in the hallway, and he sees Julius Smokes and some big white dude in a bandana beating down two unknown people and stealing their wallets and Smokes yells that actions have consequences.
They show like 30 seconds of Alexis Laree beating someone called Ariel.
Match #6: Samoa Joe vs. Hotstuff Hernandez
Hernandez comes out to some shitty KaZaa mix of Ruff Ryders Anthem, It’s Gettin Hot in Herre and Hot Stuff by Donna Summer. I mean hell yeah, honestly. This is a non title match. I like the idea here, it’s very 1980’s: Hernandez got hot at the last Murphy Rec show, so you run him against the champ the next show to see if it sticks. Unfortunately, the crowd is still fucking DEAD after the last two matches so outside of Hernandez’s big jump to the floor, they were not into this one bit. But it was a really fun big man battle and a good showcase for Joe as the new champ. Joe lets Hernandez sort of work the match which is cool and Joe still gets to use his awesome arsenal of strikes and slaps. Hernandez hits Joe with a Tree Slam but as they land, Joe traps Hernandez’s right arm and locks him in a Triangle Choke to win.
**1/2
Post-match, Joe stays in the ring and sits in a chair. GMC comes out to see what he’s doing and Joe tells him to come in with a mic. Joe says the ROH Title should be the most important title in the world and it’s his job as part of an elite Group to make that happen. He also does what he wants. He says Hotstuff Hernandez damn near killed himself out here and it was in a non title match but these GOD DAMN FANS DESERVE TO SEE THIS BELT DEFENDED! He asks what match is up next, and GMC says the three way involving Cabana, Stryker and the FKA Reckless Youth now known as “Technician” Tom Carter (Gabe I hate you with the fire of 1,000 suns). Joe says to hit their music.
They all come out, and FUCK YEAH Cabana comes out to “Copa Cabana”. Joe shakes all of their hands and he says he’s willing to make this match into a FOUR WAY, and while it is non title, if anyone wins by pinning Joe, they can have the belt. Weird stip but okay.
Match #7: Samoa Joe (c) vs. Colt Cabana vs. Matt Stryker vs. Tom Carter [ROH Championship But Only If You Beat Joe]
Joe immediately attacks all three and the bell rings. This was all three of them running at and getting knocked down by Joe. At points, Stryker and Carter got to show off some mat stuff and it was fine. And Cabana is starting to lean heavily into the comedy stuff he’s known for which is also fine. It also does a good job of putting over Joe’s prowess as he does small things to ensure these guys aren’t as focused on him which could then put his title in jeopardy (again, I think? This is a weird stip.) In the end, Cabana is able to avoid getting spiked with the Island Driver but him doing that accidentally puts him in position for The Choke. Joe locks it on. Carter hits a Frog Splash to try and break it up but it only hurts Cabana more and Joe STILL keeps the hold on and Cabana taps.
**1/2
We randomly cut to a very large white man and a painfully indie looking dude brawling on the streets of Philly. I have no idea who they are until I read ahead and saw it was someone named Iceberg and David Young, and they’re in the big bunkhouse riot main event later, so yeah. Whatever.
Match #8: Bryan Danielson vs. Paul London [2 Out Of 3 Falls Match]
What a fantastic piece of work. The first fall is great. It’s not that typical bullshit you’ll see in most 2/3 fall matches where everything’s been built up for the deciding fall later. They just start throwing relatively big stuff at each other. There’s this weird form of hate/respect they have on display here. It’s like they trauma-bonded by coming up in the TWA together, but they don’t particularly like each other as people. Danielson especially excels again in his bully role here and he lets it be known through facial expressions that he in NO WAY considers London to be on his level, dating back to his kinda backhanded comments after their last bout at Final Battle. Danielson becomes so obsessed with wanting to inflict a ton of punishment early that he fucks up a pretty basic back suplex and allows London to counter him into a cross body and London just BARELY gets the three count to go up 1-0.
Now Danielson is pissed and he immediately goes after London’s knee. He wrenches and works on it for a good amount of time in the single leg crab and eventually gets London to tap and we’re at 1-1. But the damage has been done to London’s knee.
The third fall goes on too long for my liking. Like I dunno that this match needed to go 40 when it could’ve accomplished everything it did in about 30 minutes. I hate that type of mindset a lot of stuff I’ve seen in the 2000’s indie scene tends to have. It wasn’t bad it was just drawn out. More leg work which London sold incredibly well. Danielson gets extra brutal with everything he does. But London’s second wind finally sees him get JUST as brutal back, including re-enacting the headbutt battle on the ropes from Final Battle. London wins the battle and then hits a sick Tornado DDT that makes Danielson land right on his neck. Danielson is NOT well and London just out of instinct and wanting insurance hits the London Star Press onto Danielson as he was on all fours starting to push himself up, and London covers to get the biggest win of his career!
****
Post match, they do a time lapse of how long it takes London and Danielson to get to their feet. London offers a handshake and Danielson returns it rather tepidly. The crowd chants thank you both because they’re cuckolds.
Alright, bear with me as I recap what happens in the next 30+ minutes of the show.
The cameras go backstage to see Julius Smokes, Ramos & Becky coming in from the streets. They make their entrance from the crowd and the lights are all turned up in the building since this in Unsanctioned. I fucking love that touch. As they make their way through the crowd, Iceberg and David Young, who have been apparently still brawling this whole time out on the street, have brawled inside of the building in the back by the stage set up. Gabe finally tells us the deal: Corino called in a favor because he got David Young booked in Pro Wrestling NOAH, so Young stepped up for this match. In return, Homicide went to NWA Wildside and recruited Young’s arch rival, Iceberg. See that fucking rules! Explain that earlier! Use your fucking pretapes to tell a story.
Match #9: Homicide, Dusty Rhodes, Julius Smokes, Iceberg, Louie Ramos & Becky Bayless vs. Jack Victory, CW Anderson, David Young, Bar Room Brawler, Guillotine LeGrande & Simply Lusciojs [Unsanctioned I Quit Bunkhouse Riot Match or something…]
I guess the match has started. I don’t know. Smokes and Ramos and Becky are watching from the front row now as Homicide brawls with CW at ringside out of nowhere. Back near the stage, Young hits a nice dive on Iceberg. Back in the ring, Homicide has CW down but then Jack Victory is out to attack Homicide. Soon after, David Young makes his way to the ring and it’s 3 on 1. Smokes, Ramos and Becky are just watching. Why? Help your friend! Simply Luscious comes out to ringside. BUT THEN “MIDNIGHT RIDER” HITS, AND FROM THE CROWD COMES THE FUCKING MIDNIGHT RIDER WITH THE BULLROPE! FUCK YEAH! Gabe surmises that we’re finally gonna find out if the Midnight Rider was Dusty Rhodes. The three heels in the ring line up ready to fight the Rider as he stands on the apron. BUT THEN DUSTY RHODES COMES DOWN THE AISLE AND GETS IN THE RING BEHIND THEM. He taps Victory on his taint/gooch, an then CLEARS HOUSE WITH BIONIC ELBOWS. GETTIN FUNKY LIKE A MONKEY. PLUNDAH. PAY WINDAH. CLUBBERIN. Homicide is now back up and helping Dusty brawl with the Group. The Midnight Rider has disappeared. Julius Smokes and them are still doing nothing. Homicide uses Abby’s fork to cut open both CW and Victory. Now Iceberg has come back and is beating down Young in the ring with some fat man offense. CW has the cowbell left behind by the Rider and uses it to slice open Homicide. Dusty comes to his save. Iceberg continues to beat the fuck out of Young. The match comes to a bit of a lull. Then, Guillitoine LeGrande and someone nobody can identify on the broadcast but Cagematch has listed as “The Bar Room Brawler”, come through the crowd and help the heels. J Train and Ramos FINALLY help, I dunno what the fuck took so long. Becky and Luscious start brawling. Dusty drags Luscious in the ring and kisses her. Victory is GUSHING blood. Homicide starts piercing a railroad spike into Victory’s skull and Dusty grabs the mic and urges Vicktry to say I quit but he won’t so Homicide fucking stabs him. Homicide takes the fork and starts giving Victory a Glasgow smile and Victory finally quits and Dusty calls him a BATHTURD.
There is no way I can rate this. It’s a mess but it’s strangely a fun time even if it’s not the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.
Post match, Dusty grabs the mic and puts over Homicide. He then thanks ROH for having this old fat man here and they all chant Dusty.
Backstage, IF YOU WHEEEEEL, Dusty puts over Homicide some more and says he came here looking to finish BIDNIZ but he wasn’t here and now Homicide has dispatched of his risky business boys. MY FLESH MY FLESH MY BLOOD MY BLOOD. THIS AINT THE JAMES GANG BUT WE HERE WITH STARDUST REPPIN THE STREERS. BBDDAAAT BBDDAAAT. OH YEAH CAN YOU FEEL IT. THIS IS NOT OVER STEE CODIDO. NEVER OVER. HELL YEAH. BBDDAAAT. CODIDO YOU A DEAD MAN.
Backstage, Alexis Laree hypes up AJ/Red as the most innovative and exciting team in ROH and that’s why they’re the tag champs and she’s here to make sure the code of honor is enforced. Young Mickie’s voice just throws me for a loop everytime. It’s like she’s a different person entirely. Paul London walks up with either a mop or a shuffle board stick that he calls Alex. He’s got a T shirt tied around his forehead. He tells AJ he thought they had a tag title match tonight and they were going to be champs. AJ says that was last month and Paul couldn’t make it so Red was his partner and they won. London is confused saying he even went out and got this headband so he could match with AJ. AJ correctly points out that it is not a headband it is a Hard Rock Cafe T-shirt. London says he called AJ and AJ never called back. AJ says every time Paul called him it was from different pay phones. Paul says he emailed him too. AJ says every email Paul sent was loaded with computer porn. London yells at Red saying he’s not even old enough to look at porn. He then says Red, who hasn’t said a word, should shut up because he’s nothing more than a prop, like a pencil or an egg, and Red takes an incredible amount of offense to this. AJ suggests Paul find a tag partner and challenge them for the belts. London assumes he has to find two partners because Alexis will be involved. But then switches and says he’ll only need ONE partner to beat them. It gets awkward and then Paul tells AJ he still loves him and he’ll see him at church on Sunday. The champs leave and London stands there.
What the fuck.
We are still in the Murphy Rec Centee, but ROH has began the move to its more modern, darker look with a black and red ring, the lights in the crowd dimmed and black sheets hanging up in the back of the gymnasium.
As the match starts, a shitty chyron appears on screen to let us know of the ROH Championship rankings:
#1: Doug Williams
#2: Low Ki
#3: CM Punk
#4: Xavier
#5: Bryan Danielson
Match #1: Backseat Boyz vs. Da Hit Squad
This was alright. Nothing spectacular. The Backseats were back to working heel which was weird but they’re against DHS so maybe that’s the idea. They do a lot of stalling and pretend to bail on the match, basic shit like that. DHS toss them around in the ring per usual. At the end, Maff charges Acid but he moves and Maff runs into Mack, knocking Mack to the floor. And in the ensuing confusion, the Backseats hit Maff with the T-Gimmick for the upset.
**
Post-match, Maff is pissed and storms off to the back without observing the code of honor.
The lights go out and some sick techno rave music starts and we get a lights show as Special K makes a pretty awesome brand new entrance. They get into the ring and Mikey cuts a very long, going nowhere promo about how great of a tag wrestler he is and he has to be reined in to get to the point that he can make Special K the next great ROH team. Dunn & Marcos interrupt and they say they’re the best team in ROH and they will ROCK THEM LIKE A HURRICANE. Carnage Crew come out and say they don’t care about being the best team they just wanna fight. The Backseats say they were told DHS were the best team and they just beat them. They said they’ve got another show in town to get to, but they suggest these three teams square off and the winner will face the Backseats on 5/31, and Gabe suggests on commentary the winner of the 5/31 match would be the #1 cont’drs for the belts.
Match #2: Carnage Crew vs. Special K (Dixie/Hydro) vs. Dunn & Marcos [Tag Team Scramble]
A mostly inoffensive sprint for 5 minutes. They do the now customary “everyone get their shit in” dive spot that takes up the bulk of the match. They get VERY lenient here on what the ref does and doesn’t see. Carnage Crew hit Dunn with a super spike piledriver and have it won but the ref is distracted again, allowing Mikey to slide in and hit the Whippersnapper on Loc and DeVito and Hydro covers Loc to win.
*3/4
Post-match, Special K celebrate and Slugga hits Marcos with the body bag. The large black gentleman enters the ring again and stares down Slugga and Special K all leave.
Match #3: AJ Styles & Amazing Red (c) vs. The Briscoes [ROH Tag Team Championships]
This was good again but not as good as last months MOTYC. it’s a natural evolution in the story being done with these teams as the Briscoes gel a bit more here than last month, and they have a good, long control seg on Red. It’s fun seeing historic teams like the Briscoes work this shit out in real time. It builds up to another fast paced finish that looks to be heading in the same exact direction as last months show but the Briscoes smartly block it. Mark dives onto Styles on the outside but Styles catches him for a Styles Clash on the floor. Back inside, Jay sets up Red for the Jay Driller but Red counters into a Beach Break and then hits the Red Star Press to win and retain.
***1/4
Punk comes out for his match and Cabana is with him. Before they reach the ring, Trinity hops the guard rail and slides in and sits in the corner like Raven. This perplexes Punk and Cabana. Trinity does the Raven pose and then dives onto them, but Cabana catches her and carries her to the back.
Match #4: CM Punk vs. BJ Whitmer
I’ve heard about this match before. And yeah, it is aggravating and honestly kinda bad. I get what they’re doing with trying to work the angle about Whitmer getting the headshots in the match, so maybe they’re chalking up some of his performance to him selling the concussion, but if I’m being honest, IF that’s what he was doing, he was doing a really bad job at it because it came off sloppy and made the product feel dumb. It was hokey. However, I don’t think BJ is having elevated thoughts like that. I think it’s more that BJ just isn’t that great (at least not yet…?) and Punk isn’t at the level yet where he can carry someone up to even close to his level. Like there’s a few throws and drops in here, by both men if I’m being honest, that makes you feel like you’re watching a trampoline fed. The hubris of teenagers thinking they can pull off something cool and instead they wind up sending their friend to the ER. Like THAT kind of sloppy. This was also aggravating because, look, commit to the fucking code of honor or don’t. This match isn’t labeled as anything except a singles match — so then why are they setting up and building up to a big table spot in the back half of this with the ref seeing everything? A month ago, a ref is stopping Raven from DDT’ing Punk post match because it’s against the Code. A month later, the same ref (Paul Turner, that scoundrel) is just standing there watching Punk set up a table on the floor. And then after BJ gets two big strikes to the head, and sells the concussion all match, the ending comes when Punk does a sick looking German suplex off the apron down through the table on the floor. The ref checks on BJ and calls for the bell, and Gabe solemnly says on commentary “That wasn’t supposed to happen.”
*
Post-match, it’s announced the ref has thrown this out due to injury. Like dude, even a WWF match from this era would say Punk is DQ’d for using a weapon in a straight match. That finish makes ZERO sense and invalidates the already non-sensical booking.
Forget the poor “work rate” of the match for a second, it feels like the easier route to have gone here is Punk is becoming truly evil and he’s sending a message to Raven by abusing BJ here tonight and he goes too far and BJ gets “legit hurt”. What did the booking of this match and the finish accomplish? Like I know BJ is involved in the Punk/Raven feud at a point, but booking it the way I’m suggesting it gets the idea to the finish line more competently, I think.
Match #5: Christopher Daniels vs. Homicide
When I watched Terry Funk vs. Ricky Steamboat from 1989 around 10-11 years ago for the first time, I went into feeling like it was one of those matchups that was too rich in talent and would ultimately not live up to the expectations in my head. Because that does seem to be a very common theme amongst the dream match lore in this industry. But lo and behold, Steamboat and Funk had a fantastic match that, if it took place in any other year/promotion than 1989 WCW, would’ve been match of the year.
I say that to say this: I went into this match having never really considered the idea of a Daniels/Homicide singles match. And it wasn’t but a couple of minutes into this where I realized, this must be the penance I am paying for enjoying Steamboat/Funk all those years ago. Because this SHOULD’VE worked. They’re both talented as hell, they’re both dudes whom I throughly enjoy and have enjoyed for decades now, but this match simply did not click. It wasn’t downright bad or something atrocious like Punk/Whitmer was on a lower level. It just did not live up to the preconceived notions set in my head. The crowd in the rec center must sense something’s off too because while I’m sure the shitty Punk/Whitmer match didn’t help, this match killed the crowd. A match with two of your hottest acts killed the crowd. That’s insane to me. It starts to get to the workers too because the botches start to set in towards the end, culminating in one of the worst roll up sequences I’ve ever seen outside of NXT, and Homicide does…sort of a seatbelt pin? to get the win. Bummer.
**
Post match, Daniels is frustrated and vents to Danger. Homicide, even knowing what the Prophecy is about, sticks around and wants Daniels to shake his hand. Shockingly, for the first time ever, it looks like Daniels may actually shake hands! But suddenly, The Group hits the ring and Daniels throws Homicide out of the way and takes a superkick from CW! Joe, CW & Victory beat down Cide and Daniels and Joe chokes Cide out. Dan Maff runs out and clears house on the Group. Him and Daniels back into each other and they square up ready to fight — but then Daniels rips Maff’s DHS shirt off to reveal a Prophecy shirt! Dan Maff has joined the Prophecy. They pose, and then Maff takes the ripped up DHS shirt and drops it on the KO’d Homicide’s face. The Prophecy leaves. Cide gets up a minute or so later and is asking the ref what happened, and he sells the sadness really well.
Backstage, GMC is standing by with BJ Whitmer. BJ speaks slowly and says the doc checked him out and they’re going to take him to the hospital. Punk comes over and kneels down next to BJ. He asks him if he remembers anything and BJ says he doesn’t remember any of the match. Punk says that’s okay, he gave him a hell of a fight. But he needs to go to the doctor and get checked out, so next time they wrestle he can go 100% instead of quitting on the people, because the ROH fans deserve better. But he tells him he has a lot of heart and wishes him well. Punk delivers this so fucking good. Gaslighting Punk is my favorite.
GMC then runs out of the locker room because he says the producers are telling him something else is going on. GMC looks like a less interesting Patsy Parisi. He goes in the hallway, and he sees Julius Smokes and some big white dude in a bandana beating down two unknown people and stealing their wallets and Smokes yells that actions have consequences.
They show like 30 seconds of Alexis Laree beating someone called Ariel.
Match #6: Samoa Joe vs. Hotstuff Hernandez
Hernandez comes out to some shitty KaZaa mix of Ruff Ryders Anthem, It’s Gettin Hot in Herre and Hot Stuff by Donna Summer. I mean hell yeah, honestly. This is a non title match. I like the idea here, it’s very 1980’s: Hernandez got hot at the last Murphy Rec show, so you run him against the champ the next show to see if it sticks. Unfortunately, the crowd is still fucking DEAD after the last two matches so outside of Hernandez’s big jump to the floor, they were not into this one bit. But it was a really fun big man battle and a good showcase for Joe as the new champ. Joe lets Hernandez sort of work the match which is cool and Joe still gets to use his awesome arsenal of strikes and slaps. Hernandez hits Joe with a Tree Slam but as they land, Joe traps Hernandez’s right arm and locks him in a Triangle Choke to win.
**1/2
Post-match, Joe stays in the ring and sits in a chair. GMC comes out to see what he’s doing and Joe tells him to come in with a mic. Joe says the ROH Title should be the most important title in the world and it’s his job as part of an elite Group to make that happen. He also does what he wants. He says Hotstuff Hernandez damn near killed himself out here and it was in a non title match but these GOD DAMN FANS DESERVE TO SEE THIS BELT DEFENDED! He asks what match is up next, and GMC says the three way involving Cabana, Stryker and the FKA Reckless Youth now known as “Technician” Tom Carter (Gabe I hate you with the fire of 1,000 suns). Joe says to hit their music.
They all come out, and FUCK YEAH Cabana comes out to “Copa Cabana”. Joe shakes all of their hands and he says he’s willing to make this match into a FOUR WAY, and while it is non title, if anyone wins by pinning Joe, they can have the belt. Weird stip but okay.
Match #7: Samoa Joe (c) vs. Colt Cabana vs. Matt Stryker vs. Tom Carter [ROH Championship But Only If You Beat Joe]
Joe immediately attacks all three and the bell rings. This was all three of them running at and getting knocked down by Joe. At points, Stryker and Carter got to show off some mat stuff and it was fine. And Cabana is starting to lean heavily into the comedy stuff he’s known for which is also fine. It also does a good job of putting over Joe’s prowess as he does small things to ensure these guys aren’t as focused on him which could then put his title in jeopardy (again, I think? This is a weird stip.) In the end, Cabana is able to avoid getting spiked with the Island Driver but him doing that accidentally puts him in position for The Choke. Joe locks it on. Carter hits a Frog Splash to try and break it up but it only hurts Cabana more and Joe STILL keeps the hold on and Cabana taps.
**1/2
We randomly cut to a very large white man and a painfully indie looking dude brawling on the streets of Philly. I have no idea who they are until I read ahead and saw it was someone named Iceberg and David Young, and they’re in the big bunkhouse riot main event later, so yeah. Whatever.
Match #8: Bryan Danielson vs. Paul London [2 Out Of 3 Falls Match]
What a fantastic piece of work. The first fall is great. It’s not that typical bullshit you’ll see in most 2/3 fall matches where everything’s been built up for the deciding fall later. They just start throwing relatively big stuff at each other. There’s this weird form of hate/respect they have on display here. It’s like they trauma-bonded by coming up in the TWA together, but they don’t particularly like each other as people. Danielson especially excels again in his bully role here and he lets it be known through facial expressions that he in NO WAY considers London to be on his level, dating back to his kinda backhanded comments after their last bout at Final Battle. Danielson becomes so obsessed with wanting to inflict a ton of punishment early that he fucks up a pretty basic back suplex and allows London to counter him into a cross body and London just BARELY gets the three count to go up 1-0.
Now Danielson is pissed and he immediately goes after London’s knee. He wrenches and works on it for a good amount of time in the single leg crab and eventually gets London to tap and we’re at 1-1. But the damage has been done to London’s knee.
The third fall goes on too long for my liking. Like I dunno that this match needed to go 40 when it could’ve accomplished everything it did in about 30 minutes. I hate that type of mindset a lot of stuff I’ve seen in the 2000’s indie scene tends to have. It wasn’t bad it was just drawn out. More leg work which London sold incredibly well. Danielson gets extra brutal with everything he does. But London’s second wind finally sees him get JUST as brutal back, including re-enacting the headbutt battle on the ropes from Final Battle. London wins the battle and then hits a sick Tornado DDT that makes Danielson land right on his neck. Danielson is NOT well and London just out of instinct and wanting insurance hits the London Star Press onto Danielson as he was on all fours starting to push himself up, and London covers to get the biggest win of his career!
****
Post match, they do a time lapse of how long it takes London and Danielson to get to their feet. London offers a handshake and Danielson returns it rather tepidly. The crowd chants thank you both because they’re cuckolds.
Alright, bear with me as I recap what happens in the next 30+ minutes of the show.
The cameras go backstage to see Julius Smokes, Ramos & Becky coming in from the streets. They make their entrance from the crowd and the lights are all turned up in the building since this in Unsanctioned. I fucking love that touch. As they make their way through the crowd, Iceberg and David Young, who have been apparently still brawling this whole time out on the street, have brawled inside of the building in the back by the stage set up. Gabe finally tells us the deal: Corino called in a favor because he got David Young booked in Pro Wrestling NOAH, so Young stepped up for this match. In return, Homicide went to NWA Wildside and recruited Young’s arch rival, Iceberg. See that fucking rules! Explain that earlier! Use your fucking pretapes to tell a story.
Match #9: Homicide, Dusty Rhodes, Julius Smokes, Iceberg, Louie Ramos & Becky Bayless vs. Jack Victory, CW Anderson, David Young, Bar Room Brawler, Guillotine LeGrande & Simply Lusciojs [Unsanctioned I Quit Bunkhouse Riot Match or something…]
I guess the match has started. I don’t know. Smokes and Ramos and Becky are watching from the front row now as Homicide brawls with CW at ringside out of nowhere. Back near the stage, Young hits a nice dive on Iceberg. Back in the ring, Homicide has CW down but then Jack Victory is out to attack Homicide. Soon after, David Young makes his way to the ring and it’s 3 on 1. Smokes, Ramos and Becky are just watching. Why? Help your friend! Simply Luscious comes out to ringside. BUT THEN “MIDNIGHT RIDER” HITS, AND FROM THE CROWD COMES THE FUCKING MIDNIGHT RIDER WITH THE BULLROPE! FUCK YEAH! Gabe surmises that we’re finally gonna find out if the Midnight Rider was Dusty Rhodes. The three heels in the ring line up ready to fight the Rider as he stands on the apron. BUT THEN DUSTY RHODES COMES DOWN THE AISLE AND GETS IN THE RING BEHIND THEM. He taps Victory on his taint/gooch, an then CLEARS HOUSE WITH BIONIC ELBOWS. GETTIN FUNKY LIKE A MONKEY. PLUNDAH. PAY WINDAH. CLUBBERIN. Homicide is now back up and helping Dusty brawl with the Group. The Midnight Rider has disappeared. Julius Smokes and them are still doing nothing. Homicide uses Abby’s fork to cut open both CW and Victory. Now Iceberg has come back and is beating down Young in the ring with some fat man offense. CW has the cowbell left behind by the Rider and uses it to slice open Homicide. Dusty comes to his save. Iceberg continues to beat the fuck out of Young. The match comes to a bit of a lull. Then, Guillitoine LeGrande and someone nobody can identify on the broadcast but Cagematch has listed as “The Bar Room Brawler”, come through the crowd and help the heels. J Train and Ramos FINALLY help, I dunno what the fuck took so long. Becky and Luscious start brawling. Dusty drags Luscious in the ring and kisses her. Victory is GUSHING blood. Homicide starts piercing a railroad spike into Victory’s skull and Dusty grabs the mic and urges Vicktry to say I quit but he won’t so Homicide fucking stabs him. Homicide takes the fork and starts giving Victory a Glasgow smile and Victory finally quits and Dusty calls him a BATHTURD.
There is no way I can rate this. It’s a mess but it’s strangely a fun time even if it’s not the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.
Post match, Dusty grabs the mic and puts over Homicide. He then thanks ROH for having this old fat man here and they all chant Dusty.
Backstage, IF YOU WHEEEEEL, Dusty puts over Homicide some more and says he came here looking to finish BIDNIZ but he wasn’t here and now Homicide has dispatched of his risky business boys. MY FLESH MY FLESH MY BLOOD MY BLOOD. THIS AINT THE JAMES GANG BUT WE HERE WITH STARDUST REPPIN THE STREERS. BBDDAAAT BBDDAAAT. OH YEAH CAN YOU FEEL IT. THIS IS NOT OVER STEE CODIDO. NEVER OVER. HELL YEAH. BBDDAAAT. CODIDO YOU A DEAD MAN.
The Carnage Crew are cutting a promo out at ringside as the ring crew is taking everything down. But the ring crew is being really loud and it pisses the Crew off. The Crew notice Dunn & Marcos having to take the ring apart and they mock them. Another ring crew member steps up and tells the Crew to beat it and go back home to their fat ugly wives. The Crew attack this ring worker seemingly because he called their wives fat and ugly, BUT NO, Loc says “DON’T YOU EVER…REMIND ME THAT I HAVE TO GO HOME” FANTASTIC.
Elsewhere, the Prophecy stands by with their new member. Allison Danger relieves him of the burden of being Mafia, and re-christens him Dan Maff and welcomes him to the Prophecy on behalf of Donovan Morgan and Christopher Daniels. Daniels cuts a promo on Corino’s group and announces a match against Michael Shane next month for what happened last month. Monsta Mack comes over and is sad. Maff says he’s had to observe the code of honor for a year and it got him nowhere but the midcard. He’s tired of it and he’s tired of carrying Mack along with him. Maff says he’s going a different direction from now on, but on the 4/26 show, DHS will have one last ride as they face Cabana & Steel. Maff warns Mack to figure himself out and not to mess up because no matter what, it’s over between them after 4/26. The Prophecy leaves and Mack punches a wall and says Maff has a point. He says Monsta Mack is dead and he’s now the Pitbull Steve Mack and he threatens the SCS guys to the camera and that’s it.
NEXT MONTH: DHS/SCS! DANIELS/SHANE (doesn’t happen lolololol)
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