ROH: WRESTLERAVE ‘03
Murphy Rec Center
Philadelphia, PA
June 28th, 2003
ROH World Champion: Samoa Joe (Since 3/22/2002 - 3 Defenses)
ROH Tag Team Champions: AJ Styles & Amazing Red (Since 3/15/2003 - 2 Defenses)
Backstage, Low Ki cuts a promo. He talks about his injury and puts over various ROH talent he wants to wrestle when he’s 100%. He recaps his issues with both Maff and Julius Smokes, and also reminds the ROH Champ Samoa Joe that he’s the only one to have beaten him convincingly in ROH. Then he hits the catchphrases. Oh and he’ll be returning in August.
Gabe is filming Convicted Sex Offender Rob Feinstein probably as an alibi, and Simply Luscious arrives. Feinstein asks what she’s doing here since the Group have all been let go from ROH because they lost two weeks ago. Luscious says she’s here to work, she wants a match. Feinstein makes fun of her and says she can sell programs. She gets mad now and warns that she’s gonna tell Steve Corino and if you think he’s caused problems before you haven’t seen anything yet. As she leaves, Feinstein kinda dunks on the fact that Corino hasn’t been to work at ROH in a long time anyway so good luck finding him in Japan. And if anyone else said that I would consider it a decent heckle, but I will not do that for Convicted Sex Offender Rob Feinstein, because he is Convicted Sex Offender Rob Feinstein.
Rob Feinstein is a convicted sex offender.
Match #1: Dunn & Marcos vs. Prince Nana & Jimmy Jack Cash
This JJC dude sucks something bad. This goes 4 mins but I don’t even know why it’s on the show. Nana vs. RCX dudes was fine. JJC brought it down to a crawl whenever he was in the ring. Nice moment when Dunn & Marcos hit the assisted sliced bread #2 on JJC and pin him to get their first win in ROH.
3/4*
Match #2: Alexis Laree vs. Sumie Siaki
More just incredibly over the top creepy commentary from Gabe about Mickie. Siaki isn’t very good, and Alexis still isn’t Mickie yet. Laree wins with the Reverse DDT.
1/2*
Bad show so far! Smelly. And stinky.
Backstage, the Prophecy stands by. They gloat about ridding ROH of the Group and especially Corino. Daniels says tonight will continue the Prophecy’s hot streak. He hypes Maff’s world title match against Joe. Maff says just two weeks ago all it took was one mistake and three seconds and he beat Joe and he’ll do it again tonight. Daniels also hypes the tag match with him and Raven against the Saints. He says Raven is the most devious mind in wrestling today and they’re working together before the Saints become a thorn in everybody’s side. The camera pans to show Raven sitting next to them with his ankle being iced and Daniels asks if Raven is up to the challenge, and Raven smiles evilly, implying he will be.
Match #3: Chad Collyer vs. Matt Stryker [Tap Out Match]
Tonight was supposed to be Stryker/Carter, and Stryker/Collyer was booked for DBD next month. But Carters wife is giving birth, so that match was postponed TBD, and the DBD match was moved up to tonight. Again, this suffers because Gabe is a pervert for this dry, bland, soulless technical wrestling style and these guys are given over 18 minutes and they just seem completely lost. No selling, no real psychology that’s worth mentioning. Like if you want to watch two dudes stretch each other for no rhyme or reason like it’s the ancient Olympic Games, then this might be for you! Gabe keeps saying how much damage they are doing to each others legs and as he says that, they both go and keep doing submissions solely with their legs that should be hurting them just as much as their opponent. But this is who these guys are at this point. I will gladly and willfully watch any WWE tv match from the last ten years before I ever get excited about watching either or both of these guys. Collyer beats Stryker AGAIN with the Cloverleaf. I think you’ve pretty much killed Stryker off at this point, Gabe.
*1/2
Credible gets a hero’s welcome before the next match which makes me incredibly disappointed in my city.
Match #4: Carnage Crew (DeVito, Loc & Credible) vs. Special K (Izzy, Dixie & Deranged)
Idk if it’s just because it’s Credible’s return to Philly or if ROH is finally leaning into the pitch, but the Crew are full fledged babyfaces here. Important to note this was not considered a scramble so it took away some of the chaotic advantage Special K would usually get. They still take insane high risk moves and dumb bumps and it’s all fun. Crew mows through them at the end and Credible plants Dixie with a THATS INCREDIBLE to win.
**
During his entrance for the next match, Gabe somberly tells us that just one day prior to this show, Dan Maff’s father died suddenly. And the crowd apparently all know too, as they cheer Maff heavily and he’s very emotional.
Match #5: Samoa Joe (c) vs. Dan Maff [ROH World Championship]
Joe’s blonde hair is sorta back. This ruled for what it was. Joe immediately starts to bully Maff around and focus all of his strikes towards Maff’s jaw. They go to the floor and Joe does FOUR of those running face wash kicks that sends Maff’s head into the guard rail each time. Maff makes an adrenaline fueled comeback after a Hawk style no-sell of a backdrop driver. He keeps trying to set up for the Burning Hammer but Joe keeps finding ways to avoid it. Joe gets the choke on at one point but Maff acts quick and throws himself back into the corner. Joe goes to the middle rope for leverage but Maff breaks free. He traps Joe and goes for the Burning Hammer but Joe is able to send him off balance at the last second, and Joe wriggles down behind Maff and hits him with a snap dragon suplex bridged into a pin for the win. Good, solid defense. I would’ve liked to have continued the story of how fluke pins can only seemingly beat Joe but Maff was too focused on hitting home runs, which I guess is a story unto itself.
***1/4
Post-match, Joe and Maff bow to each other kneeled on the mat as a sign of respect since Maff won’t observe the core of honor. Joe thanks him, and then a very tearful Maff gets a standing ovation.
Backstage, GMC is with…
Hell yeah. GMC hypes up Homicide’s FWOH later tonight against his “arch rival” Trent Acid. Not really sure why ROH is booking for another company’s feud that doesn’t really fit into current ROH storylines but whatever. GMC also brings up Homicide being so close to beating Joe for the belt, and lets him know that earlier Low Ki said Homicide would’ve won if Smokes wasn’t at ringside. Smokes yells NOT TO HOODWINK AND BAMBOOZLE HIM LIKE THAT. He wants to know why the BRUCE LEE LOOKIN ASS said that and notes that maybe it was HIS ASS being at ringside that cost Cide the belt. Then he challenges Low Ki to fight him in the parking lot after the show. STOP SHAKING AND START SWINGING. BBDAAAT. DON’T BE SCURRED. LET THE GATES OF HELL OPEN. YEAH YEAH YEAH BBBDAAAAAT.
Match #6: Jimmy Jacobs vs. Alex Shelley vs. BJ Whitmer vs. Tony Mamaluke [Four Corners Survival Match]
So fucking pumped Shelly and Jacobs are here. I’ve always been a fan of Shelley and while I’ve read a ton about Jacobs, he’s a complete blind spot for me. Whitmer is Whitmer. Mamaluke sucks dog dick. Jacobs is already over with the crowd from his work in the Midwest as they all chant HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS HUSS sorry. HUSS. Jacobs and Shelley are honestly already so much better than the other two it’s actually embarrassing. They carry Whitmer and Mamaluke to probably both of their second best and best ROH matches yet respectively. Shelley especially proved to be the superior worker between he and Jimmy as he’s able to really get some decent stuff out of Whitmer and Mamaluke. The Shelley/Jacobs exchanges were especially great. I know they broke in together so that probably explains that. Good ending sequence where Whitmer starts throwing good strikes and lariats. Mamaluke gets Shelley trapped in his armbar submission but Whitmer quick hits Jacobs with the Exploder and covers. The ref counts 3 just as Shelley started tapping to Mamaluke. BJ is awarded the win. If you remember, Mamaluke’s last ROH match (the tag vs. DHS in Boston) also ended this way. Would be an interesting direction if I gave a single squirt of shit about Tony Mamaluke!
**3/4
Match #7: Second City Saints w/ Lucy vs. Raven & Christopher Daniels w/ Allison Danger [No Disqualifications]
This is good, but nowhere near as good as last shows match because it’s nowhere near as violent. In a huge moment, Chris Daniels bleeds for the very first time in ROH at the hands of a Punk chair shot, and a big deal is made about it, which is a brilliant way to continue to build Punk and add accolades to his career. Saints isolate Daniels and he’s a really good face in peril building up terrifically to a a Raven hot tag. Match breaks down again. Now, Allison Danger and Lucy get into a CATFIIIIIIIIIGHT, but PUNK SUPERKICKS DANGER! Punk takes out Daniels, Raven neutralizes Cabana. Punk grabs Lucy’s purse and pulls A RIDICULOUSLY LONG CHAIN OUT FROM IT. He starts whipping and choking Raven as Gabe is screeching “HE’S GONNA END HIS LIFE!” Punk covers for the win!
***
Post-match, Punk grabs the chain again AND HE HANGS RAVEN WITH IT FROM THE TOP ROPE! Mind you, this is happening while “Copa Cabana” is playing. Fantastic. Cabana traps Daniels to stop him from saving Raven and Raven is choked out. Punk does his pose, then does Raven’s pose over him, then Daniels pose over him. After a bit, Raven and Daniels slowly get up. Raven gets on the mic and says on July 17th, he wants Punk in a dog collar match. Not only will he choke him out and not only will he bleed, but he will be a victim of what has come to be known as The Raven Effect. Quoth the Raven, Nevermore.
The cameras then cut to the back with Punk, Cabana & Lucy headed to the locker room. Punk turns towards the camera and cuts the promo of his fucking life (again):
"Raven, the reason I hate...the reason in my heart of hearts why I hate you...is because I didn't know any better when I was a little kid. When my dad came home smelling like beer, I thought it was a hard day's work he was doing. I didn't realize he was out at the bar, I didn't realize "work" meant unemployment office. I didn't think it was strange for somebody to come home from work and to have to take an Old Style up into the shower while he showered. I didn't think it was strange for somebody to pass out. I thought an Old Style and a pack day, was the norm! Raven, MY FATHER IS EXACTLY LIKE YOU. AND SINCE DAY ONE IN RING OF HONOR, WHERE FIGHTING SPIRIT IS SUPPOSED TO BE REVERED, THINGS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY. I'd shake your hand like a normal man, but the truth is, I don't respect you. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU'VE PISSED AWAY. EVERYTHING I'VE SCRAPED AND I'VE CLAWED FOR THAT I HAVEN'T EVEN EARNED YET THAT YOU GOT HANDED TO YOU, AND YOU FLUSHED DOWN A TOILET. FOR WHAT?
FOR PILLS? FOR BOOZE? FOR ALCOHOL? FOR WOMEN?
I am born of your poisoned society so on the 17th of July, I WILL BECOME A MONSTER TO FIGHT THE MONSTERS OF THE WORLD. AND YOUR TIME IN RING OF HONOR WILL BE DONE. AND THAT IS A PROMISE. BECAUSE THIS IS TRUE. THIS IS REAL. THIS IS STRAIGHT EDGE."
For the next match, for some reason, AJ Styles comes out to Ric Flair’s music? Wtf. Was he doing that in TNA around this time?
Match #8: AJ Styles (c) vs. Chris Sabin [NWA World Heavyweight Championship]
This is noted as being the NWA Champ defending against the NWA:TNA X-Division Champ which is a pretty big deal. Fun 10-11 minute sprint but nothing otherworldly. Just a showcase and two dudes playing it safe outside of their home company. Neat finish when AJ rolls through a hurricanrana attempt and hits the Styles clash to retain.
**1/2
Post-match, Styles grabs the mic and the belt. He says a little under ten years ago was the last time this belt was defended in Philadelphia. He starts naming off former NWA champions in a familiar fashion — THROW THE BELT DOWN COWARD! No, instead he buries ECW & Douglas for what they did to the belt. Fuckin’ nerd.
Backstage, GMC finds Low Ki and lets him know that Smokes said he’d meet him after the show. Low Ki is fine with that.
Match #9: Trent Acid vs. Homicide [Fight Without Honor]
Nothing incredible, but nothing awful. It’s a very standard ECW style brawl with some ridiculous weapons. A a few crazy spots like an Ace Crusher from the ropes to the floor and a few crazy dives. Trent seems really off his game. There’s just nothing to this. Like a random hardcore match you’d see on a modern indie. Whatever. They do a pretty lazy finishing run where they’re just throwing big strikes at one another. Acid gets out of a Cop Killa and goes into a very bad roll up to win. Wow. Waste of a match and I really question having Homicide lose here.
**
Post-match, Gabe keeps trying to put over Homicide having a hurt hip. Idk if something happens after the show or something, but Homicide is walking and reacting fine. Cide and Trent tease shaking hands to end this supposed blood feud (so dumb) but the lights go out, music hits and Special K are somewhere. When the rave lights come on, Homicide is missing but The Backseat Boyz have been attacked and laid out on two tables, AND DERANGED AND IZZY PUT THEM THROUGH THOSE TABLES WITH AN EVENT OMEGA! Gabe says this is likely in retaliation to the Boyz “injuring” Jody Fleisch two shows back. The music and lights keep going and Special K FINALLY get to have their rave in the ring. And the fans are actually loving it which is funny because Gabe is trying his damndest to bury it on commentary but even he can’t help but laugh. ROH turns the house lights on to try and stop the rave but it keeps going.
We then cut to…
NO.
NO FUCK NO.
I THOUGHT I HAD MORE TIME. FUCK. This motherfucker says that he knows all about the next big thing in professional wrestling, and it's supposed to be The Ring of Honor. “The Ring of Honor” shut up dickless. He says he's coming to The ROH in August. UGH. He says in his career he’s seen a lot of “next big things” that made it. Ric Flair, the Midnight Express, SMW (oh go fuck yourself asshole), and in OVW, they trained Brock Lesnar. ROH says they respect tradition but then does things like riots and scrambles which he’s not really a fan of. He likes tradition, but he's also open to making money, so ROH needs to prove itself to him and maybe they can have business to be done. FUCKING DIE. IN HELL.
BACK IN THE REC CENTER, THE RAVE IS STILL GOING IN NOW WITH MORE CROWD INVOLVEMENT. HOUSE LIGHTS BE DAMNED. The Backseats are starting to come to and don’t look happy.
We head backstage again. The Carnage Crew of just Loc and DeVito cut a promo. They say the day is coming for Special K once and for all and very soon. But right now, coming up, they've got a July 19th date with those TWA kids and Rudy in an 8 man weapons match. The first annual Death Before Dishonor, it's gonna be all four of them vs. the TWA guys and that old bastard Rudy Boy with anything goes. Rudy's one hundred and thirty seven years old, and he wants to get hardcore? They ARE hardcore. It's not about blood and chairs and tables. Hardcore is setting up the ring and selling t-shirts and refereeing in ECW to earn his spot only to have it go bankrupt before his chance. Hardcore is Devito breaking his tailbone, going to work the next day to make end's meet, only to do it the next weekend. Most of all? IT’S THE CARNAGE CREW WAKING UP NEXT TO THEIR HIDEOUS WIVES AND FINDING THE INTESTINAL FORTITUDE TO NOT JUMP OFF A FUCKING BUILDING. Devito promises violence, tables, blood, and everyone is going down. Hell yeah dude.
Back to the arena…the rave IS STILL HAPPENING even with most of the crowd having left by now. BUT SPECIAL K STARTS TRYING TO STOP FANS FROM LEAVING. They also get the remaining fans to chant their name. And then Colt Cabana comes out to dirty dance with one of the K girls.
In the back, Samoa Joe cuts a promo pretty much confirming his DBD opponent will be Paul London. Joe says that right now, Paul London is the buzz of the wrestling world. Joe says London has no fear, but fear's a funny thing. It's easy to step off the top rope and risk your life. It's easy to do whatever it takes to win. But REAL fear is feeling the air leave your lungs, knowing there's nothing you can do about it. Fear is feeling that tingle down your spine when you get dropped on your head. Fear is staring across the ring at him, the ROH WORLD Champion. Fear is what he'll know soon. Paul London needs to listen to his fans and please, don't die. Incredible promo.
GMC is elsewhere and a loud commotion can be heard downstairs. He runs down with the camera man, believing it to be the showdown between Low Ki and Julius Smokes. He gets to the door and goes to enter, but he’s stopped by one of the thugs who is…wait, IS THAT GRIM REEFER? lmaoooo. He grips GMC up and forces him to the floor, saying he needs to get his ass out of here before he takes him out in the streets and kills his ass. GMC cowers and runs off and then Reefer yells non sense at the camera man til he bails as well, and we never get to see the Ki/Smokes stand off. Lame.
There were some fun/funny parts to this show, but outside of Punk’s promo, it’s an entirely missable affair. One of the more boring ROH shows in quite a while.
NEXT MONTH: TWA vs. Carnage Crew weapons match! Punk/Raven dog collar match! Joe/London for the belt!
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