Pennsylvania National Guard Armory
Philadelphia, PA
December 27th, 2003
ROH World Champion: Samoa Joe (Since 3/22/2002 - 8 Defenses)
ROH Tag Team Champions: The Briscoes (Since 11/1/2003 - 3 Defenses)
On the un-broadcasted pre-show, the Briscoes successfully defended the Tag Titles against The SAT.
Backstage, GMC is chatting with the camera guy about something he wrote about Jim Cornette in his book. Carnage Crew storm over and flip out asking where Special K is. They reference something that happened on the preshow. GMC tries to get answers but the Crew want answers first on Special K’s whereabouts. GMC says he’ll try to find them.
Out in the ring before the show, Samoa Joe is standing by with the first ever edition of SAMOA JOE’S RING. He kind of talks in circles for a minute before Oman Tortuga interrupts him because he’s the guest. He thinks this is supposed to be like Cabana’s show. But Joe says instead he wants to show the viewers at home some of the techniques the wrestlers use. Oman’s confused and before he can react, Joe takes him down with an over the shoulder throw and traps him in The Choke. He says what makes his choke the best is putting his other hand BEHIND the head and pushing forward, instead of just resting it on top, and says that's what makes them turn purple, and this is what happens to Mark Briscoe tonight in Philadelphia. Joe lets Oman go and he runs away screaming. Joe says that's not how he wanted to end it, but hey. Tonight, Mark Briscoe meets him, Samoa Joe. Your ROH World Champion.
On commentary at the start of the first match, it’s announced that on the first show of 2004, the Briscoes will defend the tag titles against Joe & Danielson!
Match #1: Bryan Danielson vs. Jay Briscoe
This was great! Good, solid exchanges in the early goings. Jay tries to keep up with Danielson, and in order to stay on top of him, Jay has to lock in every hold he applies super snug, using all of his weight against Bryan. Bryan’s able to escape but lacks the opportunities to do anything that could really catch Jay off guard and swing momentum in his favor due to the way Jay’s working him. There’s a fun moment a little past half way through where they’ve both frustrated each other so much they slap and spit at each other. Fuck yeah. From there, Jay uses his anger to start lobbing bombs at Bryan in hopes of wearing him down and ending this quick. But Bryan’s got him beat in that department, and just launches every thing he’s got. Jay can’t match it and starts to wear down. Bryan hits a Dragon Suplex and Jay gets the big kick out but literally immediately Bryan turns it into the Cattle Mutilation and gets the win.
***1/2
Backstage, a pissed off Jay Briscoe is walking and Trent Acid approaches him. He kind of jabs him about the loss and then says the Backseats want a shot for THEIR tag titles back. Briscoe says he knows Cornette’s his manager and to go through his office and he walks off.
Match #2: John Walters vs. Xavier [Fight Without Honor]
Well, it took months, but they finally had a good enough match. And yes it’s obviously because they were able to depend on the ooh’s and aah’s of a hardcore based match. They break out all the plunder — chairs, tables, ladders. It’s nothing otherworldly, all standard fare by this day and age’s matches, but it’s perfectly fine for the time. Plus Xavier gets color! The crowd still can’t fully buy into either of these guys which is really funny in Xavier’s case but it’s still a passable reaction. It gets sloppy at the end with shit like Walters randomly climbing up the ladder like he didn’t realize this wasn’t a ladder match or some shit. Plus there was a NASTY lungblower spot off of the ladder. Nana is suddenly at ringside and getting into it with the referee. But even with him out there and clearly helping Xavier, Walters still gets the win off of a shitty sunset flip. Not sure I understand the point of making Nana your new heel manager for Xavier, having him get involved and then having Xavier lose? Like yes the feud called for a Walters win. So then Nana should’ve been added the previous match, or waited til after this program was over. Dumb.
**3/4
Post match, Walters cuts a bland promo about their feud. Nana takes the mic to introduce Xavier as the first member of his EMBASSY. YEAH! Nana ensures that Xavier is no longer a part of the Prophecy and to show this, Xavier admits respect for Walters and shakes his hand. Should be a big moment but nobody gives a fuck about these two.
Match #3: Matt Stryker vs. BJ Whitmer [Field of Honor Tournament Finals]
This was bad. So bad. BJ can be average more often than not and guided to pretty good stuff when he’s in there with someone who can actually structure a match properly, even a little bit. But in this case, he’s forced into a 20 minute slog with a dude who’s touted as a technician but is a cover band, at best. This was doomed to fail and, obviously, kills the idea off. Which is a shame because the idea of a tournament like this is perfectly fine - NJPW has done it for decades, AEW just did it in 2023. But when 75% of the dudes you put in it are complete ASS, regardless of how much Gabe likes to pound off to bland “shooter” wannabes like Stryker and Walters and Collyer, it’s going to fail. In reading, this whole tournament was designed as a launching pad for Stryker. As shown other times in wrestling history, booking something this big solely to get one guy over is almost always going to fail (Brawl for All, Survivor Series 2015, Mayhem 1999, etc). But unlike those examples, this one doesn’t even have a dude who can recover. Stryker is not talented. It’s simple as that. He would’ve never made TV in any major company. This feels like the first major failure in ROH’s run. There’s been other smaller level failures but they caught themselves early and brought the nose up. This was a full 12 months of pushing this goof, and the push would’ve probably continued if this didn’t get shit on so bad. The crowd is dead for this. They trade loose limb work back and forth to show the technical aspect this tournament was designed for, and while the limb work is harmless, neither man can sell to save their lives. So fuck this. Just gotta move on. Stryker wins with the Stryker Lock and the crowd only pops because the match is over. Zero reaction for Stryker being declared the victor. Good.
*1/2
Match #4: Samoa Joe (c) vs. Mark Briscoe [ROH World Championship]
Joe comes into this like a bolt of lightning and just lays into Mark almost instantaneously. Joe goes for the ole ole kick on the outside but Mark dives out of the way and gains control of the match via pure speed. Joe has to catch him and slow this down to a better pace for him to maintain control. This wasn’t a squash in a bad way. This was a designed squash to fit the Briscoes/Joe story and it worked so well. Every time Mark got a little bit of offense in, Joe would just come back at him twice as hard. He’d work him to the mat and just get brutal as hell strikes in while he was doing it. Jay comes out to lend his brother support at one point and Joe dives out onto him to wipe him out. Mark keeps trying to make comebacks til the very end but Joe eventually slaps him down and locks on The Choke for the win. A fucking blast.
***
Post match, Jay helps Mark to the back. AND HERE COMES CM PUNK. He grabs a mic and says now that the B show part of this card is over, and before they move on to the more important ROH/AJPW stuff, he’s out here to make good on his promise of ruining this show until he gets answers. BUT JOE COMES OVER AND PIE FACES PUNK. Joe says that unless Punk is here to fight him, shut the fuck up. He warns him not to EVER disrespect this belt, this ring or HIM ever again. Joe & Punk get into a stare down and the crowd is hot. Punk takes the mic back and says he’s not here to disrespect Joe, but his part of the show is over, so he thinks Joe should get out of *HIS* ring, BECAUSE HE’S HERE TO CALL OUT CHRISTOPHER DANIELS. Joe snatches the mic back and tells Punk he doesn’t get it. If he doesn’t leave the ring right now, he’s going to have 99 problems and that bitch Daniels won’t be one of them.
Joe slowly moves in on Punk and corners him. Punk delays briefly but eventually gets out on to the apron and down on to the floor. Joe and Punk keep eyes locked. And as SOON as Joe leaves the ring, PUNK RUSHES TO GET BACK IN. Joe eyes him up from the entryway, BUT THE PROPHECY IS OUT AND THEY ATTACK JOE! So Punk rushes from the ring to go after Daniels. Maff and Joe brawl to the back while Daniels and Punk brawl into the ring. Daniels gets the best of it and sets up the Angels Wings. But Cabana runs out and attacks Daniels from behind to save Punk!
Punk and Cabana beat Daniels down, and then Punk grabs a towel and starts choking Allison Danger. Cabana gets on the apron to hook Daniels back into the ropes while Punk grabs a mic and threatens to break Allison’s neck if Daniels doesn’t cop to hurting Lucy. Daniels finally screams OKAY. FINE. THE PROPHECY DID IT. IT WAS THE PROPHECY ALL ALONG!
And WHACK. From out of nowhere, BJ Whitmer nails Cabana in the back with a steel chair! Punk let’s go of Danger and bails to the floor. Daniels grabs a mic and reveals it was BJ Whitmer that took out Lucy, and Whitmer is the newest member of the Prophecy! Punk helps Cabana up and screams that he’s going to fucking kill Whitmer. Whitmer grabs the mic and tells Punk that he didn’t forget about Punk trying to end his career here in Philly back in March, and Daniels says this plan has been in motion since then.
Maff comes back out and looks confused as to what’s going on. He grabs a mic and asks Daniels what the hell is going on? Maff had no idea about any of this, and says that by doing this, Daniels made him inadvertently lie when he swore TWICE on his dead father that they had nothing to do with this. Gabe also mentions Maff and Whitmer having tension from their “series of matches” in 2003. Daniels tries talking sense into Maff and eventually has to flip out on him, promising him it had to be done this way and it was all a part of the greater good. Maff eventually relents and throws up the Prophecy hand gesture with the rest of them and then they all pose.
Incredible segment.
Backstage for intermission, and GMC is with the Briscoes. Mark says he stood up to Joe and took everything he got. He also mentions loss or not, they still got the tag belts. Jay then says Joe wants to choose a partner again to take the belts from them, but with Jim Cornette's guidance, they're the best tag team on the planet. They took all his beatings, and they outsmarted him and gave the beatings right back. Joe can get whoever he wants to come try. The Briscoes leave but the Carnage Crew run up on GMC again. They ask what he knows about Special K now after giving him half the show. He says they're supposed to be on Cabana's show later tonight.
Match #5: Second City Saints (ROH) vs. Tumeric Storm (Tomoaki Honma/Kazushi Miyamoto) (AJPW)
By all accounts, Honma goes on to be pretty good but they both kind of stink here in this match. This isn’t seasoned vet Saints, so they’re not fully capable of carrying an inferior team to something really good. There’s some good exchanges in the middle as the Saints work over Miyamoto before Honma’s admittedly good hot tag. But there’s just not a lot else going on here. Punk hits the Pepsi Plunge on Honma to win, and it’s ROH - 1, AJPW - 0.
**
Punk joins commentary for the last few matches.
Match #6: AJ Styles (ROH) vs. Kaz Hayashi (AJPW)
This is 15 minutes of pants shitting fun. There’s a fun story they work where Styles and Kaz have met once before, in a tag match on WCW, and in that match, Styles used the Styles Clash for the first time on Hayashi. I remember them facing off, I don’t remember or know if that last bit is true though. Anyway, they work this with Kaz wanting to get his win back these years later and also put over how the Styles Clash could instantly end it. It builds up from the start really well with trading of movez n’ holdz to establish a pace. In keeping up with the story they’re trying to tell, Hayashi has a lot of counters for Styles offense and does everything he can to avoid a Clash, and in a really nice touch, Kaz continuously reverses or finds ways out of the Styles Clash specifically. So Styles has to get creative, and being that this is “very beginning of his prime” AJ, he can do just that. He hits a series of huricanranas and on the last one, he rolls through like it’s gonna be a pin BUT SINCE HE HAS KAZ HOOKED HES ABLE TO LIFT HIM AND SURPRISE HIM WITH A STYLES CLASH TO WIN!
***1/4
Post match, they shake hands and Kaz respectfully asks AJ if they can wrestle again.
As the next match starts, Gabe notes that Homicide and Low Ki had a sit down behind the scenes, and Low Ki showed his trainer the proper respect and they’ve mended fences. Probably important. Ki is in Cide’s corner for this along with Smokes and Mack.
Match #7: Homicide (ROH) vs. Satoshi Kojima (AJPW)
KOJIMA KOJIMA KOJIMA. LARIAT LARIAT LARIAT. This starts off really good. Stiff strikes and all that. But fairly early on, Homicide eats a belly to belly on the floor and lands on his head, and it kinda throws off most of the rest of the match. Which is a shame not just for people watching it but this dude is Cide’s idol. Kojima does a lot of fun stuff including a corner attack on Cide and the ref stopping him, but Kojima saying he doesn’t speak English, so he keeps the attack going and the ref starts counting him out and Kojima then yells at him in perfect English. Fun bit. This obviously doesn’t go as long as intended. Homicide does get the big honor of kicking out of Kojima’s lariat, so that’s huge. A second lariat by Kojima ends things though.
**1/2
Post match, Homicide is still dazed but shakes hands with Kojima. Kojima grabs the mic and politely thanks the fans for having him because he is somehow the nicest man in wrestling across many decades.
Jerry Lynn cuts a pretape. Gross. Very nasty. He says some words about the newly announced Pure Title and the tournament to crown the champ. And he says he wants in because Pure Wrestling is what he’s about. Fuck off.
Gabe informs Punk as the next match starts that it is official and it’ll be The Prophecy vs The Saints in a six man tag at the next show.
So it’s 2-1 ROH, and there’s only one match left, and it has Muta in it, so lol.
Match #8: The Prophecy (Daniels/Maff) (ROH) vs. The Great Muta/Arashi (AJPW)
Never heard of Arashi, but he stinks! And what’s worse is that this is a totally mailed in performance by Muta, so Arashi’s left carrying the load and fails miserably. Daniels & Maff are basically here to do a sell job for a legendary wrestler, and they do fine at it. But the few chances they get to throw anything back, Muta just no sells it. And not really in a cool way. Just in a dickish, didn’t really wanna be here kinda way. The whole layout though is boring and predictable. Would’ve rather have seen a card without Muta on it if this is the case. And then hilariously, Daniels is the one to drop the fall to Muta after the Shining Wizard. SO dumb. He just had a huge angle not even 90 minutes ago that kept him hot and now you beat him with a dude that won’t ever be here again. Gabe is a fucking dunce.
*
So the series ends at 2-2, because nothing means anything in ROH. Draws with no follow up, round robin ending in ties, inter promotional match series ending in ties. I mean the very easy solution here is to not book this as a “Best of” series. You making this Best Of series is not adding any additional butts in seats or DVD buys. This is 2003/04. Fucking dope.
LIVE FROM CHICAGO, IT’S GOOD TIMES, GREAT MEMORIES. Colt says CM Punk will be on a little bit later, but first, he brings on Special K! Colt greets them and asks what their story is with all the partying. Dixie says it's not his problem that his dad has money and his mom has money. Hydro says people are just jealous. Becky then saunters in late and Cabana makes her sit in a chair so he can look down her shirt. Oh. AND THEN THE CARNAGE CREW RUNS ON AND ATTACKS SPECIAL K! They run off and Devito says this is no joke. He has a 13 year old daughter and she didn't come home the other night. She walks in at 8 am and looks like hell. She went to a rave, got slipped ecstasy, and now their lifestyle is in his fucking family. His wife might be lazy, might not cook, clean, vacuum, or do dishes. His kids might nag, but they're his. Loc says this is no longer about whipping their asses to teach respect. They're going to kill them. So wait is the implication that Special K got his daughter high? Or just that she did drugs and now he’s mad at people that do drugs?
Elsewhere, the Prophecy are together backstage. Maff says he's been kept in the dark too long now. He says he and BJ have been kicking each other's ass all year (they have?) so what gives? BJ asks what his deal is and Maff says he swore on his father's grave they had nothing to do with Lucy. Daniels steps in and says he NEVER told him to do that. He appreciates everything he's done, but this is HIS show. This is his play and he HAS to follow it. The camera man decides to pretend like he’s ready to go (even though the cameras been on the whole time, I hate this shit) counts them down for the group promo. Daniels says one year ago, this Group came around and said they were going to take ROH over, hold all the titles and power, and take out The Prophecy. Within six months, they were done, because of the Prophecy. A year ago, they had all the titles and all the power. He and Donovan Morgan ran the tag team division, but now he's off in Japan. He recruited a blue chip prospect in Danny Maff, and his heart and guts won the Group war. He is their backbone and Maff says he has his loyalty. And now that Xavier has decided he's out, he got another blue chipper to get them to the next level, and that's BJ Whitmer. BJ says he has his loyalty and he knows he'll take him to the next level. Daniels says in a stroke of genius, they killed two birds with one stone. Not only did they get rid of Lucy and send a message to the Second City Saints, but they got BJ at the same time. BJ says he hates the Saints. He'll never forget what CM Punk tried to do to him and him running his mouth on commentary all year. Daniels says in a year, they will once again hold all the power and all the titles. And once again, ROH will once again worship the ground he walks on. And that is not is not a promise, that is not a threat, that is the gospel according to the word of the Fallen Angel.
UP NEXT: THE END OF THE YEAR AWARDS!
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