ROH: THE ERA OF HONOR BEGINS
Murphy Rec Center
Philadelphia, PA
February 23rd, 2002
After a ridiculously awful opening video package showing who’s all on the show, Da Hit Squad goofs board a bus full of somewhat clean wrestling fans, and they shit on sports entertainment and curse a bunch. And they get a polite applause and a terrible chant. So far, this is ECW for people cover their eyes on roller coasters. DHS will not shut the fuck up, this is AWFUL. These guys suck, and it’s way beyond their early 2000’s schtick and terrible accents. They’re Da Baldies if they got stung by 400 bees and also lost their talent. Yeah, I am pro “Da Baldies”. Sorry, I’m running out of things to talk about because now these two fuckers are on a street corner saying the same shit along with quips such as “I know you all are from where it’s cold and you have to wear 18 layers and that’s when it’s hot”. Great work!
I don’t know this man in the durag. I have never seen him before. But I know in my heart of hearts he made sure to be on camera for an alibi. He should be thrown under the jail.
Eric Gargiulo and Steve Corino are on commentary and welcome us to the show. And they are AGHAST at the “alternative lifestyle duo” of the Christopher Street Connection of Buff E and Mase along with Allison Danger are here, because it’s off their rundown! And these “dastardly gays” (ROHs portrayal, not my opinion) are out here kissing fans and supporting sports entertainment! In all seriousness, I don’t know what’s more offensive — this gimmick being the most offensive portrayal of a homosexual wrestler maybe ever, or the insanely homophobic commentary from Gargiulo and Corino.
The man I believe is Buff E. grabs the mic and says ROH stands for Ring of Homosexuals, and that was actually kind of funny. BUT THAT PISSED OFF THE STRAIGHTS, BECAUSE HERE COME DA HIT SQUAD STORMING THE RING TO A MASSIVE POP. AND THEY ARE BEATING OFF THE CHRISTOPHER STREET CONNECTION WITH BOTH HANDS! AND WE’VE GOT AN IMPROMPTU MATCH!
Match #1. Da Hit Squad vs. Christopher Street Connection
Absolute murder. All of 90 seconds, maybe. CSC bumped really well. Either that or they didn’t have a choice, because DHS absolutely murdered them. Ended things with a Burning Hammer, hell yeah dude.
The first match in Ring of Honor is an uncharged hate crime.
*
Post-match, Allison Danger gets involved and Corino calls her a slut, which…yeah. DHS proceed to put Buff E. on a table and power bomb Allison from the top thru Buff E. on the table. I love that the opening ten mins was DHS shitting on sports entertainment to the fans, and then they proceed to rip off the WWF era Dudleyz which is essentially one of the more sports entertainery things a tag team could do. Great accidental bit of comedy. Gargiulo says “this isn’t about bashing anybody, it’s about representing the Ring of Honor” which, again, another hilarious bit after he just spent the last five minutes providing such extremely homophobic commentary that it would make Jim Ross blush.
DHS are still in the god damn ring and going on and on about how sports entertainment sucks and just…whatever, man. I get it.
In a pre-tape, Jay Briscoe (RIP) says he’s here tonight to prove the Briscoe name is the best in the business whether as a singles or a tag team, and him and his brother pose. NOT USED TO HEARING THE BRISCOES THICK DELAWARE ACCENTS. That’s wild!
Another pretape from Amazing Red this time. He says he’s the only member of the SAT who wrestles singles and Jay’s brother won’t be able to help him tonight when he gets hit with the Infrared.
Match #2: Amazing Red vs. Jay Briscoe
CODE OF HONOR OBSERVED. These two have danced before, per commentary, so they are quite familiar with each other. Although it was mostly in tag action. That doesn’t seem to matter here as they have a really good TV style match by 2020 standards. They work around Jay trying to go high risk maneuver and missing thrice. Some fun spots here including Red DESPERATELY trying to avoid the Jay Driller only to get spiked with it and sell it incredibly well, and Jay and Red diving AT each other in mid air off the top and Jay getting the better of the exchange with a pseudo spear. End comes when Jay misses his 3rd high risk maneuver and Red capitalizes quickly with a Red Alert and Red Star Press to get the win. Great showcase for both kids. Did what it set out to do. No wasted minutes.
***
Pre-tape from Low Ki, simply hyping up his place and telling everyone to be ready.
Another pre-tape, this time from Homicide and Boogalou at an empty lot in the city. Homicide stumbles through a promo about how this used to be his block and it’s gone now and his mom used to cook him chicken here and now all he has is this chicken...
“I’m pissed. I am very pissed.” Homicide hypes up their team of the Natural Born Sinners, and he promises to bring the streets to Ring of Honor.
Backstage, Xavier is talking to who I believe to be Towel Boy Eric Tuttle (that’s ECW ORIGINAL Towel Boy Eric Tuttle) and I guess he didn’t make the card so Xavier tells him to keep his chin up, and Tuttle just sighs.
BLACK NATURE BOY SCOOT ANDREWS in a pretape says 2001 was his year and 2002 will be, even if it is at Xavier’s expense.
Match #3: Xavier vs. Scoot Andrews
This wasn’t good! Scoot Andrews does all of the worst types of Ric Flair cosplay — he tries to mimicking his “defense is the best offense” style and Corino points that out, he yells at the ref way too much, and he does some really awful crowd work too. I’d rather see “Flair protege era Miz” than Scoot Andrews. Xavier, on the other hand, looks barely trained at times. At one point, he does a horrible back body drop with a way too early release that spikes Andrews directly on the crown of his head. He also mistimes his selling a ton. It’s gonna happen occasionally, but this much is egregious. They try to work a story of being so evenly matched that neither can get the best of the other, which I mean whatever. They can pretend to be doing an off broadway production of [insert a play here, I’m way too lazy to come up with a joke and pretend I have any knowledge of this subject] too, but it doesn’t mean they’re actually doing it. Anyway, after several near misses, Xavier gets his only positive mark of the match when he hits a pretty decent Rude Awakening neck breaker for the win.
*1/2
Post-match, Xavier offers a handshake to observe the code of honor and Andrews leaves the ring at first. The crowd boo’s and Xavier yells at him while pointing to the ROH banner. Andrews delays a bit before going back in to shake Xavier’s hand.
Just want to take this brief time to say I am an unapologetic Steve Corino mark. He’s easily in my top 20 of all time. That being said — his role tonight on this show as a “legit color analyst” is a bit of a stumble. He’s shouting at the top of his lungs. He can’t pick a clear narrative to follow. He’s barking about the same things over and over. And I get it, they want to put over ROH as the clear alternative to sports entertainment and be the “evolution of territorial style wrestling” and as some would make you believe even the spiritual successor to ECW, and that’s all fine and good. I’ll just say this — given my propensity to get easily annoyed with repetitiveness, especially in wrestling, if I didn’t have the ability to know what ROH would do over the next 20 years…or rather, if I had watched this show back in 2002…I don’t know if I could’ve kept on watching it because Jesus Christ, we get it! Let the product breathe, let it speak for itself.
Whatever. They didn’t know what they were doing yet, and hindsight is 20-20, etc etc. Just something I felt like writing about. There’s far worse color commentators than 2002 Steve Corino.
Backstage, some random dudes run through the locker room while sounds of a chainsaw are very clearly playing on a tape and Homicide (or maybe Boogalou, idk), in a Michael Myers mask, puts his face up against the window.
Boogie Knights out next…I am considering pressing charges against ROH for getting my hopes up thinking Disco Inferno and Alex Wright were showing up. That’s not a fucking joke, you can go fuck yourself. Fuck.
THE EXTREME REF HC LOC, BAH GAWD. HE’LL BE CALLING THIS ONE!
Match #4: Natural Born Sinners vs. Boogie Knights
These Boogie Knights suck. They were trained by Dory, so that makes sense. Extremely unfunny bit of coming out to “You’re the Best” but in a serious tone. Die. NBS are fantastic though. They rip these two apart and then, AND THEN…they get DQ’d when Homicide won’t stop beating them in the head with his loaded rubber chicken. HONOR.
3/4*
Post-match, fake Boogie Knights bail to the back. Meanwhile, NBS exchange words with HC Loc and things heat up. Boogalou eventually attacks Loc, and Homicide takes a railroad spike to Loc’s head, cutting him hardway, and then finishes him off with the Cop Killa to a huge pop. Side note, was extremely funny seeing Homicide cut HC Loc, who’s screaming in agony, while “You’re the Best” is still blaring on the PA. THAT is a good bit. Fucker.
Backstage, fake Boogie Knights are hightailing it out of the arena, not wanting to get beat up anymore.
Elsewhere, the Christopher Street Connection are convalescing. Great interaction here:
Buff E: “I need you to be strong for me.”
Mase: “I can’t even be strong for me!”
Mase lays his head on Buff E’s lap and says they should leave ROH. But then Buff E sees Spanky dancing around, unbeknownst to Mase, and Buff E says he thinks they should stick around and winks at the camera. ACTING.
Towel Boy Eric Tuttle comes out to do his bit. Okay.
Mikey Whipwreck is here and is the special referee for the next match! This will be an “Ultimate Aerial Elimination Match”. Four of the five competitors are Mikey’s students (he didn’t train BrianXL). Mikey grabs the mic and brings out his sixth student to make it complete, and it’s Amazing Red for the second time tonight!
Match #5: Quiet Storm vs. Chris Divine vs. Brian XL vs. Jose Maximo vs. Joel Maximo vs. Amazing Red
Corino makes a great point how BrianXL trains and travels with this group but is the odd man out and this is chance to essentially become the alpha dog of the group. GOOD, MAN. ADD SOME EMOTIONAL STAKES. As far as the match itself, this is the one of the founding fathers of a specific type of pervert and I cannot openly support it. It’s a flip and dive fest. I don’t HATE it, it’s far from the worst thing on this show. But it just is what it is. If you’re into this thing, then this match is for you. It’s not some all-timer but I could see this being mindless fun. It’s the “Everybody Loves Raymond” of spotfests. After 16 minutes, Quiet Storm is the last man standing after pinning both Maximo brothers in back to back falls.
**
Post-match, Mikey hugs Quiet Storm.
Corino tells Gargiulo he has to go handle some business and he’ll be back.
Backstage, NBS are pissed off still and chase the camera man out of their locker room.
Elsewhere, PRINCE NANA IS HERE. He’s yelling at noted sex pest Rob Feinstein to get him an opponent. Nana makes his way out to the ring. Steve Corino has made his way back there and he’s talking to Feinstein, but Feinstein runs off down the stairs to find Towel Boy Eric Tuttle working out, shirtless. He compliments his body. I’m not making this up. He tells him to go face Nana. Rob Feinstein is a convicted sex offender.
Tuttle is shocked but rushes up the steps, past Corino, who wishes him luck and says “to go get himself over.”
Match #6: Prince Nana vs. Towel Boy Eric Tuttle
Tuttle does the towel cleaning bit and Nana immediately kills him for the win. Rob Feinstein is a convicted sex offender.
1/4*
I’ve never actually seen Prince Nana wrestle before. His physique here is reminiscent of Geoffrey from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. I don’t know why but I felt like I needed to point that out
Corino rejoined commentary for that and I guess that’s what he had left for? That didn’t make any sense.
Backstage, Michael Shane is talking to Spanky and two other dudes about how they’re all friends but he’s taking it serious when they’re out there.
This next match is a TWA challenge. Commentary is making it sound like a Fatal Four Way where the winner gets an ROH contract but they’re working this as a tag match? Huh?
Match #7: Spanky & Ikaika Loa vs. Michael Shane & Oz
So I mean…this is dumb. Only the person who gets the pin gets the contract? Why would they team together then? Why wouldn’t they stop their own partners from getting the pin? Makes no sense. They made this clear from the get go that Shane and Kendrick were the ones getting the looks here both on commentary and in march lay out. Felt like a legitimate try out match only it’s televised, if that makes sense. Ironically I’m pretty sure this is the match that gets Spanky his first WWE deal. And he gets the win with Sliced Bread #2 on Oz.
**
Post-match, the other TWA students and Rudy Boy Gonzalez come in to congratulate Spanky and they all hug and shake hands. Michael Shane is hesitant to shake Spanky’s hand but then eventually gives in to a tense shake and leaves the ring immediately as Spanky dances to “Genie in a Bottle”. Hell yeah.
Backstage, all of Mikey’s students are arguing for some reason. Mikey tries to get their attention but suddenly none of them understand English I guess is the bit? Ok. Mikey calls in Super Crazy to translate and then seemingly makes a match for ??? Of The SAT vs. Divine Storm vs. RedXL. Then they go back to arguing.
Elsewhere, a bloody HC Loc gets on his brick phone and calls his bro and complains about what happened tonight. He bitches on and on about being a referee after expecting to be a wrestler at ROH instead of the “extreme official bullshit”. If he says bro again in this segment I’m gonna take this ballpoint pen straight to my leg. Anyway, this is an overly long way to say HC Loc is calling in back up essentially. He also takes off the ref shirt and trashes it.
Match #8: Super Crazy vs. Eddie Guerrero [Inaugural IWA Intercontinental Championship]
Huge pop for both but mostly Eddie. Eddie coming out to “Smooth” is fantastic. Also worth noting Eddie has the same expression on his face as he did at ECW One Night Stand 2005. He did NOT want to be here. And I don’t think he had gotten the call yet to come back, at least not yet. So he’s probably ultra pissed still on top of being newly sober. The match itself is more than fine. Eddie is at the stage of his career where he can go out and just play the hits without breaking a sweat, and it’s enough to make a match more than good. And it helps that Super Crazy certainly carries his end of the match pretty well here too. Side note, reaalllllyyy got annoyed during this when Garg’s on commentary says “Guerrero’s psychology is next to none”. Like shut the fuck up and call this as an athletic contest. You pointing out a match is using psychology is not something that needs to be done. Trying to sound overly smart to a smarky crowd I guess. Anyway, Eddie hits the Three Amigos prototype and then goes for the Frog Splash. He notices Crazy moving so he somersaults out of the Splash and gets to his feet. He catches Crazy as he launches himself into Eddie, and Crazy hits this sort of tornado set up for a small package that gets him the win.
**1/2
Post-match, Crazy shakes Eddie’s hand and Eddie raises Crazy’s arm in victory as he walks to the back dejected.
Almost 2 years to the day from this point, Eddie Guerrero would be WWE Champion.
Backstage, Super Crazy walk past a bunch of people who shake his hand but Christopher Daniels refuses. FORESHADOWING~!
Another Low Ki pre-tape hyping up the main event three way against Danielson and Daniels.
Match #9: “American Dragon” Bryan Danielson vs. Low Ki vs. “Fallen Angel” Christopher Daniels [Three Way Dance]
This still holds up. Maybe not as much as it did back then, but it still holds up. I’m a sucker for 2000’s Chris Daniels and Danielson is in my top 5-7 all time. Ki is obviously great here, too. And it’s a simple story, nothing overboard. These three have experience against one another but never when it’s only been these 3 in the ring alone. A lot of feeling out followed by displays of bravado to try and decipher who the alpha dog is in this match. Some great heel work from Daniels here showcasing his veteran abilities against the still very young Danielson and Ki. Danielson’s strikes are crisp and clean and beautiful. I love it. It gets a little too “Indy paced” at points but it slows down just enough to avoid any WWE style laziness. Eventually, Danielson locks Daniels in the Cattle Mutilation and Ki hits a twisting Phoenix splash on both followed by a Ki Krusher on Daniels to win.
***1/2
Post-match, an absolute raucous standing ovation for all 3 men. Danielson grabs the mic and congratulates Low Ki, but says he didn’t beat the American Dragon to do it, so he challenges him to a one on one match at next months show. Before Ki can answer, Daniels snatches the mic away and feigns nice before saying they can BOTH go to Hell, because it took TWO of them to just barely beat the Fallen Angel. He knows he can beat Dragon one on one, he knows he can beat Ki one on one, hell, he can beat them both one on one and the same night! Ki grabs the mic now and mocks Daniels’ egotism after just getting beat, before proposing a one night round robin tournament between the three of them next month.
It’s seemingly agreed upon. Dragon shakes Ki’s hand tensely. And then they both turn toward Daniels and reach their arms out. Daniels thinks about it, but fakes them both out and leaves the ring, REFUSING to observe the code of honor!
Great shot there.
Show ends with a pre-tape backstage from Eddie Guerrero putting over Ring of Honor. And that’s a wrap.
Overall, it is possible to be both an extremely important show and not that great of a show at the same time. This was different than anything else you were getting at the time, so in 2002, this blew the doors off the indie scene and rightfully so. But other than the main event stuff and introducing some important younger talent, which is all great, it’s not actually a good show itself. And again…that’s fine. I’m judging this by modern standards 21 years after its original airing. Its importance outweighs its greatness and that’s all that matters. Now fuck off.
No comments:
Post a Comment